This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
help please(6 Posts)
hi i really need advice on how to approach the subject of death with my three year old my mum is dying from cancer she has about six months left and i dont know how im going to tell my little boy next to me she is the centre of his world and i dont want to damage him by doing this wrong. but i need to prepare him please if anyone could give me some advice im struggling myself to come to terms with the situation i'd really appreciate it thanks rowena
I'm sorry for your troubles and I can't help, but my dad is also in this situation and I had to tell my 10yo Ds who idolises his grandad and that was hard enough to do...I have no way to explain it to my almost 2yo as she wont understand anyway. I'm sure there are books available to help you with this. Perhaps you could visit the library for some help.
I hope it goes well for you and that you find the strength to deal with everything that you come up against.
All the best. kindx
I don't have any specific advice, but my mum died last year and 2 of my 3 nieces thought the world of her (the 3rd was <1yo when she died) - the older 2 were aged 3 3/4 and 2 1/4. My sis told them that Nanna was going to heaven and they seemed to cope fairly well - they used to see my mum at least 2x a week before she was in hospital (she went very fast, in 4 weeks) and so they did ask where she was a few times, which my sis found very hard, but they weren't traumatised by it.
Im also sure there are books for this sort of thing - but I don't think you can do it wrong if you stick to the basic truth as you see it (if heaven isn't an option for you, it makes it a little harder to come up with a suitable place where your mum has gone) - afaik, the only tricky thing is to suggest that she is going away for a long time as that can have negative connotations later whenever anyone else goes away on holiday, for e.g.
So for you - hope you find a way through.
I also used heaven as a place when one of the little girls I looked after was losing/lost her grandfather (her parents did believe in heaven so was ok to go down that road). She was 3 at the time and had seen him in a lot of pain, hospital visits etc.
I explained to her (rightly or wrongly) that when people are sick, including herself, that we go off to the doctors and get some medicine to make us better, and thats what grandad had done, but, sadly he had an illnes called cancer that not everyone gets but, sometimes the doctors cant find that special medicine thats needed to make the cancer go away. He was in a lot of pain and it wasn't really very nice to see him in such pain so god took him to heaven where he wont be in pain anymore. It makes everyone sad because we wont see grandad again until we are very old (didnt want to frighten her) and god takes us to heaven, but, he will always be able to see us, and he would want everyone to be happy that all his pain has gone now.
Sorry if this is no help to you, but, the parents were impressed how well the little one coped with it all and there was no trauma. Each child is different tho and only you will know how best yours will cope.
So sorry your even having to think about this.
Sending you strength and best wishes to get thru the comin months.
There are some great books on the subject - No matter what is a good one that is more about behaviour but touches on death. Will try and think of some more. Your library will be able to help - if you can get your DS to be at least starting to think about the concept of death I think that will help when the time comes.
An awful time for you - I'm very sorry.
Badger's Parting Gifts by Susan Varley is a very good book for young children, the badger in the title is ill and tired and it explains the issues around that well. His friends in the end are able to take comfort from their memories of him. Also Winston's Wish website was very helpful to me when my DH died in dealing with my children's feelings www.winstonswish.org.uk/. Hope that is of some help so sorry that you are going through this.