It depends on where you live Bubble. Some branches, such as mine (SELSANDS - in SE London) have an active programme of meetings (usually monthly, in someone's house) and befriending. Befrienders are trained by SANDS to offer you whatever one-to-one support you might need. Wherever possible, you are "matched" with someone whose bereavement is similar to yours, so hopefully SANDS will try and find you a Befriender who has been through the experience of having one twin die and one survive.
Like RTKangaMummy, I've known people find SANDS meetings helpful and others find them not helpful. I was befriended by two very kind mums from my branch and Erica from Head Office. I never went to a general meeting, I wasn't sure I could face that.
Actually, I have now read the whole thread, bubble.
I will CAT you immediately.
I am not a SANDS Befriender currently but planning to take the training sometime this year. If by any chance you are in London I am happy to meet you, or you can ring me, or if you are in SE London I will put you straight on to Julia or Gill from SELSANDS.
I am so sorry the Bereavement Midwife assigned to you is not helping. She does sound a major pain, frankly. I did most of my weeping on the lovely, lovely midwife who delivered Tom, but was "luckier" with my bereavement midwife than you have been. She came into her own afterwards, helping me deal with the fallout of never finding out why he died. It sounds to me from what you have said about your hospital that you might need to contact their PALS (Patient Advocacy and Liaison Service) staff to start getting access to your notes.
Lots of love XXX