ten years ago today I lost my son.

[sadnamechanger]

No idea why I am posting but can't find a way to 'mark' it IYSWIM.

Only thing I do is every year on this day I do not eat a single thing. It is some kind of strange hommage to my lost boy.

[escape]

snc - 10 years really is a landmark - you should mark it somehow - so don't feel strange about doing it here.
I am so sorry for your loss. Do you want to talk about your son tonight?
we'll listen.

[Tortington]

sorry for your loss, i can't even imagine it

i would sugest you start marking this day with something more than self flagulation
maybe something charitable, a fundraising.

[sadnamechanger]

thank you for being kind. I didn't realise how much of a landmark 10yrs was until I started thinking about what he would be like now.

The not eating is - well a suppose a way of punishing my body for producing a boy that could not survive. I have never told anyone about it apart from on here now - for ten years has been a silent hommage.

[Hassled]

I'm very very sorry - and yes, 10 years is significant somehow. I hope at 11 years you'll feel some peace and can mark the day some special way.

[Threadworrm]

I'm so very sorry about your little boy. Don't punish yourself, though.

[Majeika]

what can we do to help you?

Would you like to talk about him? What was his name and how old was he?

Talking can be very therapeutic.

[ClaireDeLoon]

So very sorry for your loss. Please don't punish yourself, you haven't done anything wrong.

[Mhamai]

I think by starting this thread, you have done something very powerful and strong today. I am so so orry for the loss of your son. x

[misselizabethbennet]

So sorry you lost your son. I can't imagine the pain. Do you have a partner to share this with, or other family members? It is certainly a day worth marking in some way.

[Pinkchampagne]

So sorry for the loss of your son.

[mamalovesmojitos]

oh so sorry for the loss of your son. again, i echo other posters, please don't punish yourself.

[ScottishMummy]

so sorry about your beautiful boy.harrowing to lose a child.try not dwell on self blame.you have suffered enough

[lingle]

I love the idea of homage. Is there some small positive thing you could do for someone in his honour? So that he could continue to have an impact on the world?

[milge]

I am so sorry for your loss. How old was he? What is his name?

[mumonthenet]

sadnamechanger,

come and talk to us about your son.

so sorry for your loss

[helpmechris74]

hi i'm so sorry to here of your loss. I lost my son 2yrs and 3mths ago in an rta. I am finding it so hard to cope. I have 3 other children and its hard to deal with their grief as well as my own. help {angry}

[2shoes]

sorry for your loss
hope you find a way to mark it

[unfitmother]

I'm sorry to hear that. It was 10yrs for me this year since I lost DS2 and it was a really big deal.
It just feels wierd knowing its double figures. I always do the same thing on his aniversary.

[frasersmummy]

ooh sad name

Its been 5 years since I lost my little boy and nothing takes away the pain especially on remember days as we say on the bereaved mummies thread

If I understand your comment about producing a boy that couldnt survive you either lost your ds before birth or shortly after

I know this can make you feel like a failure but you are not .. dreadful things happen no-one knows why or how but they do. You cant keep punishing yourself ... your ds wouldnt want that

I will post a link to your post on the bereaved mummies thread.. I am sure some more of them will be along soon with some more words of comfort

Or why not come join us.. tell us all about your ds.. sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry, sometimes we talk nonsense. but we are always there to pick each other up when we fall and sounds like you have stumbled tonight

come chat www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/749480-Ciaran-39-s-Thread-For-Bereaved-Mammies-Where-It-39

[frasersmummy]

btw custardo that was a bit blunt

may have been well intentioned but didnt come accross that way

[chegirl]

Hello Sadnamechanger,

I am so sorry to hear about your boy. 10 years is a huge landmark .

I lost my daughter 3 years ago. We marked her first anniversary with lots of friends and ballons and lanterns.

I realised that I could not cope with the pressure of thinking up something every year that could possibly illustrate how much we missed her. I worried that as the memories and pain would never fade, others would naturally move on. This would always be painful, if understandable.

I decided to do something low key that could include as many or few people who wanted to be involved.

I have a small front garden. It was a mess. I spent the day clearing it and weeding, laying gravel and slabs and planting pots and beds. Friends dropped round with plants and I even allowed gnomey type things (fairies and butterflys). At the end of the day I felt uplifted and I had a beautiful garden that was a tribute to my darling girl.

This year I put a gazebo up to shelter me from the rain and worked away all day tidying it all up and replanting. The day is still awful but I know what I am going to do and I am kept busy.

If you feel not eating keeps you close to your son I dont see any problem with that. Its only one day so it wont harm you. I understand your need to feel pain.

I would love to hear more about your boy if you feel able.

Take care.

[lottiejenkins]

Bloody Hell custardo.......... have a bit of tact please??

[lottiejenkins]

I was so with custardo i forgot say SNC you have my sympathies and please join us on the bereaved mums thread..........

[shabster]

Just to echo some of the mums words on your thread. Please come over to the special thread linked earlier....a loyal and loving bunch of mums who are struggling along the 'crappy path' of bereavement. We all have different experiences and are at different stages of our grief.

No death so sad as that of a child xxxxx