ten years ago today I lost my son.

(26 Posts)
sadnamechanger Sun 02-Nov-08 18:23:11

No idea why I am posting but can't find a way to 'mark' it IYSWIM.

Only thing I do is every year on this day I do not eat a single thing. It is some kind of strange hommage to my lost boy.

OP’s posts: |
escape Sun 02-Nov-08 18:26:00

snc - 10 years really is a landmark - you should mark it somehow - so don't feel strange about doing it here.
I am so sorry for your loss. Do you want to talk about your son tonight?
we'll listen.

Tortington Sun 02-Nov-08 18:26:20

sorry for your loss, i can't even imagine it

i would sugest you start marking this day with something more than self flagulation
maybe something charitable, a fundraising.

sadnamechanger Sun 02-Nov-08 18:33:08

thank you for being kind. I didn't realise how much of a landmark 10yrs was until I started thinking about what he would be like now.

The not eating is - well a suppose a way of punishing my body for producing a boy that could not survive. I have never told anyone about it apart from on here now - for ten years has been a silent hommage.

OP’s posts: |
Hassled Sun 02-Nov-08 18:35:45

I'm very very sorry - and yes, 10 years is significant somehow. I hope at 11 years you'll feel some peace and can mark the day some special way.

watsthestory Sun 02-Nov-08 18:36:18

Message withdrawn

Threadworrm Sun 02-Nov-08 18:37:11

I'm so very sorry about your little boy. Don't punish yourself, though.

Majeika Sun 02-Nov-08 18:37:15

what can we do to help you? smile

Would you like to talk about him? What was his name and how old was he?

Talking can be very therapeutic.

<<hugs>>

ClaireDeLoon Sun 02-Nov-08 18:38:56

So very sorry for your loss. Please don't punish yourself, you haven't done anything wrong.

Mhamai Sun 02-Nov-08 18:39:25

I think by starting this thread, you have done something very powerful and strong today. I am so so orry for the loss of your son. x

misselizabethbennet Sun 02-Nov-08 18:41:35

So sorry you lost your son. I can't imagine the pain. Do you have a partner to share this with, or other family members? It is certainly a day worth marking in some way.

Pinkchampagne Sun 02-Nov-08 18:42:19

So sorry for the loss of your son.

mamalovesmojitos Sun 02-Nov-08 18:44:08

oh so sorry for the loss of your son. again, i echo other posters, please don't punish yourself.

ScottishMummy Sun 02-Nov-08 18:49:40

so sorry about your beautiful boy.harrowing to lose a child.try not dwell on self blame.you have suffered enough

lingle Mon 03-Nov-08 18:31:35

I love the idea of homage. Is there some small positive thing you could do for someone in his honour? So that he could continue to have an impact on the world?

milge Mon 03-Nov-08 18:32:59

I am so sorry for your loss. How old was he? What is his name?

mumonthenet Mon 03-Nov-08 22:13:54

sadnamechanger,

come and talk to us about your son.

so sorry for your loss sad

helpmechris74 Sat 16-May-09 19:13:15

hi i'm so sorry to here of your loss. I lost my son 2yrs and 3mths ago in an rta. I am finding it so hard to cope. I have 3 other children and its hard to deal with their grief as well as my own. help {angry}

2shoes Sat 16-May-09 19:16:58

sorry for your loss
hope you find a way to mark it

unfitmother Sat 16-May-09 19:19:49

I'm sorry to hear that. It was 10yrs for me this year since I lost DS2 and it was a really big deal.
It just feels wierd knowing its double figures. I always do the same thing on his aniversary.

frasersmummy Sat 16-May-09 19:37:16

ooh sad name

Its been 5 years since I lost my little boy and nothing takes away the pain especially on remember days as we say on the bereaved mummies thread

If I understand your comment about producing a boy that couldnt survive you either lost your ds before birth or shortly after

I know this can make you feel like a failure but you are not .. dreadful things happen no-one knows why or how but they do. You cant keep punishing yourself ... your ds wouldnt want that

I will post a link to your post on the bereaved mummies thread.. I am sure some more of them will be along soon with some more words of comfort

Or why not come join us.. tell us all about your ds.. sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry, sometimes we talk nonsense. but we are always there to pick each other up when we fall and sounds like you have stumbled tonight

come chat www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/749480-Ciaran-39-s-Thread-For-Bereaved-Mammies-Where-It-39

frasersmummy Sat 16-May-09 19:40:25

btw custardo that was a bit blunt

may have been well intentioned but didnt come accross that way

chegirl Sat 16-May-09 20:46:52

Hello Sadnamechanger,

I am so sorry to hear about your boy. 10 years is a huge landmark sad.

I lost my daughter 3 years ago. We marked her first anniversary with lots of friends and ballons and lanterns.

I realised that I could not cope with the pressure of thinking up something every year that could possibly illustrate how much we missed her. I worried that as the memories and pain would never fade, others would naturally move on. This would always be painful, if understandable.

I decided to do something low key that could include as many or few people who wanted to be involved.

I have a small front garden. It was a mess. I spent the day clearing it and weeding, laying gravel and slabs and planting pots and beds. Friends dropped round with plants and I even allowed gnomey type things (fairies and butterflys). At the end of the day I felt uplifted and I had a beautiful garden that was a tribute to my darling girl.

This year I put a gazebo up to shelter me from the rain and worked away all day tidying it all up and replanting. The day is still awful but I know what I am going to do and I am kept busy.

If you feel not eating keeps you close to your son I dont see any problem with that. Its only one day so it wont harm you. I understand your need to feel pain.

I would love to hear more about your boy if you feel able.

Take care.

lottiejenkins Sat 16-May-09 21:27:06

Bloody Hell custardo.......... have a bit of tact please?? hmm

lottiejenkins Sat 16-May-09 21:30:09

I was so angry with custardo i forgot say SNC you have my sympathies and please join us on the bereaved mums thread..........

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