My cousin took her life a year ago, and the anniversary is this week. As well as that 3 other close members of my family have all died in the last 3 years, so as you can imagine death is at the forefront of my mind much of the time.
Now I know that it's a difficult subject to talk about, but I am feeling really hurt by the fact that my DH has never once asked me how I am coping with all of this. Several times over the past year I've burst into tears and he's given me a cuddle, then asked me what he can 'do' to help: by this he means practical things like sorting out legal stuff. There have also been many occasions on which I've told him that I'm really struggling emotionally, to which he gives the same response.
We are struggling financially - but managing as I'm working part time and looking for another job. Over the past year, on many occasions he has repeatedly asked me what I'm doing about finding work - at times when I'm feeling low this makes me feel even more under pressure, and I have told him this. I've also told him how hurtful it is that he doesn't ask me how I am with regard to my family loss. His response was to get defensive - which ends up making it all about him, and not about me at all, and makes me reluctant to broach such a sensitive topic again - or to even tell him when I'm feeling down. It feels as if as long as I'm bringing in the money, he's not too worried if I fall apart.
10 minutes ago we were talking generally and he asked me how I was doing. I said 'with regard to what?' and he said 'well, your job-hunting'. So I told him it was very difficult for me to focus on it since my cousin's anniversary is approaching and that's the only thing on my mind at the moment. He then said 'oh, yeah, I'd forgotten, sorry.' And then carried on making his lunch. That was it. No sympathy or concern.
Bearing in mind he is a lovely man and a wonderful dad, and he even plans to train as a counsellor - which he'd be excellent at. He is not a self-centred alpha male, and I'm sure that he is concerned about how I'm managing, but I don't understand how he can continually fail to show that he's concerned. Am I really expecting too much?
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Bereavement
Is it wrong of me to expect DH to show concern when I'm grieving?
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SecretSquirrelandMoroccoMole · 29/10/2008 14:36
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