This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
My dad's brain cancer has come back and I am so sad and so far away.(10 Posts)
My dad had surgery, chemo and radiotherapy earlier this year for a very aggressive malignant brain tumour. He made a really good recovery. We knew the tumours would come back again but didn't expect it so soon.
He was supposed to be coming over here for Christmas (he lives in Australia) but can't come now obviously. It would cost us £6500 to go there.
I just feel so sad, I saw him in August which was wonderful but don't know if I can get to see him again before he dies. I know he hasn't got long but I don't think he realises that despite the doctors telling him - I can't work out if he's trying to be positive or if he's in denial.
I wish I could be there with him
Oh Sidge. I'm so sorry. Much love and strength to you. xx (Tis MaureenMLove btw!)
I'm sorry to hear this, Sidge .
Can you go alone?
Thank you all.
I know there is nothing anyone can do or say really, but it helps offloading. (I find it hard to talk to friends as I get very tearful, and as I'm the eldest child I think they all expect me to be the strong one).
ThingOne - going alone is an option but we would have to put it on the credit card (yikes) and it would mean being away from my husband and children for Christmas, and it looks like DH will be away next Christmas so being away this one would be hard.
I feel torn between going to see him, and being with my family here. Also if I go now it will cost about £1500 and then I would have to find another £1500 to fly out for the funeral. We just can't afford it unless I win the lottery! <weak smile>
so sorry to hear this, cancer is very cruel, I guess it is diffficult to decide what to go when your head is all over the place, can you find out from the medics how long they think your dad has? It is very hard to know for sure, I was told Steve soul die a few times weeks before he did die, when he did die it was a shock thou it shouldn't have been as he was in a coma for over a week, Steve had a brain tumour like you dad.
how would you feel if you didn't get to see him ?
Thanks for your reply OJ; I'm so sorry you know the cruelty of cancer, I remember following yours and Steve's story
I saw Dad in August when he was fairly well, I went out there for 10 days on my own and had a lovely time with him. I sort of said my goodbyes then so a part of me doesn't really want to go and see him now - that sounds awful doesn't it? But I feel an expectation from everyone that I should go now and see him before he dies. No doubt everyone will think I'm an awful daughter if I don't see him but I'm not sure I want to. And then I feel guilty for feeling like that.
It's so confusing, and practically difficult too, I feel very torn.
when I read your post I did think that you were struggling with seeing him as he is now against how he was in august, there's nothing wrong in wanting to remember how he was in august, but those memories won't be wiped out by you seeing him again. It is so hard to decide, what do you think your dad would want? Thou I totally understand that you feel under pressure from other people, I found that to get peace for myself I had to do what I knew Steve wanted and sometimes that was very hard to do, but it gave me peace.