My brother died

(78 Posts)
MissM Mon 20-Oct-08 13:59:26

Some of you so kindly wrote words of comfort to me when I shared that my brother was dying. He died on Friday. How is it that despite expecting it it was still a terrible shock? I had left him the evening before, and 15 hours later he was dead. I still can't work out how his body wasn't him. He still looked the same as he had when I left. I keep asking myself how and why.

OP’s posts: |
KerryMumchingOnEyeballs Mon 20-Oct-08 14:01:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flimflammum Mon 20-Oct-08 14:02:39

Sending love and courage to you and your family.


OrmIrian Mon 20-Oct-08 14:03:07

So sorry missm.

FangolinaJolly Mon 20-Oct-08 14:03:08

I'm so sorry.I remember your thread.

GColdtimer Mon 20-Oct-08 14:03:16

I am so sorry MissM, I did read about your brother's illness. I don't think we can ever really prepare ourselves for the death of a loved one. It always seems to be such a terrible shock, no matter how much warning you have.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

LittleMissNorty Mon 20-Oct-08 14:03:35

I'm so sorry for your loss sad

Strength and love to you and your family x

Cheeseandseveredfingersarnie Mon 20-Oct-08 14:04:10

so is a confusing time and you will feel many emotions as your feeling now.sending you strength

MissM Mon 20-Oct-08 14:04:39

He was 34. He got married 6 weeks ago. How is this fair?

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janestillhere Mon 20-Oct-08 14:05:25

I am very sorry my love.
It is still a shock when they go, even when you have some warning.
I lost my brother in 1994 - he was only 22 and I still wish he could see what we are up to now - such a sad loss.
Be kind to yourself. It is a weird state you are in at the mo.
Keep eating, try to sleep, and talk of him often. x love to you.

feelingbitbetter Mon 20-Oct-08 14:07:37

I don't think you can ever prepare. Thinking of you x

Hassled Mon 20-Oct-08 14:08:09

I'm so so sorry. You must be in such a state - go easy on your self. Get through the funeral, and when you feel able maybe think about bereavement counselling?

TheMadHouse Mon 20-Oct-08 14:08:41

I just wanted to add you and your family are in my thoughts - take care

cremolafoam Mon 20-Oct-08 14:08:47

Sending you courage and strength for the road ahead.
My brother died in 2001.
You will need support and kindness and I hope that you can find a little help here on Mumsnet as i did.
Take care of yourself first and others second.

cathcat Mon 20-Oct-08 14:30:27

MissM, I am so sorry. You are not alone here. MN is a great support in times like these.
I lost my dad 4 weeks ago to cancer, 2 months from diagnosis to end. Although we knew it was coming it was still a shock to realise how quickly he went downhill at the end. How could he have a conversation and recite poetry and be dead 48 hours later? It is very hard to take in. But try to be glad that you had lots of time with him at the end and he knew your love. I have experienced the sudden deaths of 2 friends recently and while I don't want to compare them it makes me remind myself that our family had some time and space to accept what was happening to my dad.
He was so young sad my heart breaks for you. These are such difficult days for you but I hope that in the future you can smile and be proud of all that he was, without the tears and heartache.
Best wishes x

cyteen Mon 20-Oct-08 14:34:23

it isn't fair MissM, not at all my brother died at 34 too, from cancer. it is unbearable and wrong and i really, really feel for you.

i hope you and your family can lean on each other in the days ahead. my heartfelt condolences.

cocoleBOO Mon 20-Oct-08 14:35:47

So sorry.

policywonk Mon 20-Oct-08 14:36:32

I'm very sorry MissM. IME this is a very strange time, and all sorts of questions crop up.

bigscaryorangespiderami Mon 20-Oct-08 14:36:36

I am so sorry.

dustystar Mon 20-Oct-08 14:37:25

So sorry for your loss x

slim22 Mon 20-Oct-08 14:39:47

so sorry

MissM Mon 20-Oct-08 17:46:08

You are all so kind. I'm still not taking it in. I kept looking at his chest and my eyes wouldn't let me believe that it wasn't moving up and down still. Today I didn't want to get up. Thank goodness I have two children that I have to look after otherwise I'm not sure when I would again. I am so sad that so many people have to go through this hideous, brutal illness.

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DarrellRivers Mon 20-Oct-08 17:52:24

Miss M sad
Sending you my support for you and your family.
My brother died last year aged 32 and it is a horrible thing that you never imagine is ever going to happen
It is 'unbelievable ' I know
Just take each day as it comes and yes , children are good for keeping you going, but remember to give yourself time to think/grieve as well

pushki Mon 20-Oct-08 18:37:24

Oh Miss M I am so sorry to hear your sad news. As you say, even thought you were expecting it - can still be horrible shock. I spoke to you before about my brother - the next few days you will just have to go with your emotions. I remember going from raw, gut wrenching sobbing to times of strange calm. Did visit him a few times as although it was hard to see him, felt close to him, stroking his hair. Also felt him around me in those first few days - more than ever do now - gave me some sense of peace. Look after yourself and your family, accept any help from friends, don't feel there is any 'right' way of doing things - just do what feels natural to do. Sending you all my love and thoughts. sad

differentWitch Mon 20-Oct-08 18:49:25

I'm so sorry for your loss. Even though you were expecting it, it probably feels as if that time given was too short. At the moment and in the coming weeks, it's going to hurt. Nothing will make that any easier, but gradually you will laugh at something he would have laughted at and say "X would have found that funny" and the good memories of when he was well will come back. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers.

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