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Can Someone Hold Me Or Kick Me Or Just Bloody Help Please?

(69 Posts)
finknottle Fri 17-Oct-08 18:39:15

One of my best friends died 6 months ago. Tonight is her d's 9th birthday, they're having a family party & we've her eldest boy (my eldest's best friend) at our house for a sleepover.

I knew the birthday would be hard but what I wasn't prepared for was being just as teary lately as I was shortly after her death. I had thought it would get easier, that I wouldn't be sobbing so uncontrollably 6 months later.
My house is full of loud 11 yr olds, her son too, that's lovely. I just can't stop crying. ANd I have to.

sustainablysourcedwhitefish Fri 17-Oct-08 18:41:06

Oh fink, have a very un mumsnetty ((hug))

feedmenow Fri 17-Oct-08 18:45:51

Fink, any chance you could contain the crying til they're in bed, then have a glass of wine and a damn good blub?

You must miss your friend terribly sad

Califright Fri 17-Oct-08 18:47:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoysAreLikeZombies Fri 17-Oct-08 18:56:37

Oh fink, I am so sorry.

6 months is no time at all really, you must all still feel so raw sad.

[squeeze]

finknottle Fri 17-Oct-08 19:08:44

Thank you, I just cannot stop blubbering of late, and there are times it's OK, usually late at night on my own, and there are times when my children and esp hers are around and I mustn't and I am biting my lip.
Just now I had to yawn & do that "wide-eyed my eyes are watering I must be so tired" hmm and I know I'm not fooling my lovely h but, gawd, when does it stop being so bloody raw?
The reason for this sleepover was to help her s1 and it's only 7pm here and I'm wailing.
Help?

finknottle Fri 17-Oct-08 19:12:09

Someone please tell me a joke or distract me? I cannot stop shaking and crying, am in the kitchen and have still to give the boys their puds and am red-eyed and snotty.

barbie1 Fri 17-Oct-08 19:18:48

hunny i wish i new a joke but always forget the punch line hmm hope you are feeling a little better??

BoysAreLikeZombies Fri 17-Oct-08 19:20:09

I'll hold your hand for a while.

Bang on a DVD, get out the popcorn and buy yourself a bit of time to compose yourself ?

Twiglett Fri 17-Oct-08 19:21:33

Do you think he doesn't know?

He knows.

And he loves you for remembering and feeling and showing that you haven't forgotten. Because he hasn't forgotten.

But yes pretend to have a cold.

And remind him how much he is loved when you tuck him up. Both by you and by his mum. Tell him how proud she'd be of him.

barbie1 Fri 17-Oct-08 19:21:41

yep i second that ill be here for as long as you need me, rant, cry, whatever you like i dont mind!

finknottle Fri 17-Oct-08 19:25:06

Thanks sad The boys (4 guests plus my 2) and my d are in the sitting room having a PS night. I'm on the laptop in the kitchen. Have just repaired my face, hand-holding sounds very good.
Radio 4 is on but not v distracting. Am just desperately trying to stop crying. Dishwasher emptied. Could clean teh fridge.
Fuck, why tonight?

barbie1 Fri 17-Oct-08 19:28:37

prehapes it was the release you needed? i really hope the fridge can keep you distracted for a while, how about some wine while you do it? short time solution wink

BoysAreLikeZombies Fri 17-Oct-08 19:29:17

Shall we find you some you tube funnies??

Might help you to get through the evening.

bubblagirl Fri 17-Oct-08 19:29:37

i really feel for yopu i lost my best friend when my ds was 9 mths old he is now 3 half

it so happened occasions came up after his death and it makes you miss them more it does get easier you dont forget them his always in my thoughts every day but i can cope better now

big hugs to you i still cry regualy but thats normal its ok to miss your firend its ok to cry

xx

finknottle Fri 17-Oct-08 19:30:41

My h is lovely but crap when I start crying. Can hug and hold but admits he never knows what to say and is hiding atm in his study. I could howl on his lap for an hour but not tonight with house full of children.
You lot are holding me together.

bubblagirl Fri 17-Oct-08 19:32:53

sorry for typos that should make you laugh i just never get it right do i lol

dry your eyes deep breath and try and do something fun with the kids chirades or something that can make you all laugh

your human its ok i miss my friend so much but i talk to him all the time it helps me and i have learnt to have fun again but i wont pretend it was quick or easy but it does get easier but you have to try and let go and do things in there memory

RubyRioja Fri 17-Oct-08 19:35:55

GOing against the tide here - can you sneak off and have a weep - with her ds even.

Am not a believer in bottling up. Maybe it woudl give him the outlet he needs too.

Very sorry for your loss

Flamesparrow Fri 17-Oct-08 19:36:36

Oh Fink.

I have no idea how I would continue living without it constantly hurting if I lost one of my best friends. 6 months is such a short time.

I have no idea how to help or what to say, but I couldn't not say anything

xxxx

finknottle Fri 17-Oct-08 19:43:54

Ruby, wish I/we could, he's not the type at all, sadly. His 5 yr old brother has sobbed for hours in my lap but the older ones not.

Now the boys are all shrieking away next door & I'm sticking my face in the dishwasher every time the door opens cos I look so blotchy...I will probably howl half the night but for now I have 7 children in the house and puds to do.

How does anyone else stop the howling? I try and think of films/books/puzzles, anything to hook my mind on...

Flamesparrow Fri 17-Oct-08 19:45:33

I have never been able to stop, I just have to shut myself away and get it all out

finknottle Fri 17-Oct-08 19:47:39

Flamesparrow, you know it helps just being able to type here and someone answer, iykwim. Never thought it could make such a difference. Don't spose you could pull this across to Chat as I am floundering so very badly and I can understand people not wanting to post in Bereavement. I couldn't till now.

Boys all still v much awake.
I'm still v much floundering.
Help.

travellingwilbury Fri 17-Oct-08 19:48:56

Fink I know it is not really the done thing round these parts but I am sending you a big hug and I am sure your friend is grateful that you are there doing all the right things .

They will all be in bed soon and you can have a cheers to her

xxx

barbie1 Fri 17-Oct-08 19:50:44

sad i wish i could help you hun x

BoysAreLikeZombies Fri 17-Oct-08 19:51:28

Fink I have put out a call in chat for you

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