My mum died suddenly(198 Posts)
I lost my mum recently. I wondered if there was anybody else going through something similar. It's been 8 weeks. I still can't believe she's gone and I miss her terribly.
My dad died about 7 weeks ago, at the start of November. He'd been poorly the Nov before, prostate cancer was suspected, but blood tests were clear. He was having trouble urinating though and he was too stubborn to keep pestering the doctors. We went round one day to find him hallucinating . We got him to the gp who sent him to the hospital. He was in for weeks, with borderline kidney failure due to a 'blockage' and he was fitted with a catheter.
In Jan he was told it was advanced penile cancer high up in his urethra. It was a large tumour, the surgeon then told us, and it was inoperable.
He had chemo, but the tumour continued to grow though and in June he was told that the chemo wasn't working and that he was terminal, but that some radiotherapy would be given to reduce the size of the tumour and hopefully make him more comfortable.
On his last treatment of radiotherapy he went into hospital for a treatment and didn't leave for a few weeks as he had a fracture in his pelvis due to the cancer being there. He never really took in the information that the cancer had spread.
He was told that he had months to a year left. 4 months after that he started having bowel problems and in October, just after his birthday, he was discovered to have malignant bowel obstruction. When this was discovered, they were clear with us that he had weeks to days left.
That was on the Monday and on the Saturday, after a week of sitting by his side trying to make him as comfortable as possible and talking to him when we could, he passed away.
It was a horrible week at the end where he sort of knew that he was truly dying, but wasn't really clear enough to talk to us. The hospital kept him completely nil by mouth at the start before they realised that giving his bowel a rest wasn't going to accomplish anything and the distress he was in wanting something to drink, yet being not quite with it enough due to his confusion from his blood calcium levels and infection, to understand why noone would 'Make me a bloody cup of tea!' was horrible to see and it haunts me now.
Once they knew he was dying he got his cup of tea! We took music in that he liked and he'd mouth or sing along to the songs and smile if people said things he found funny. We should have realised that last night that something was different as he was agitated for the first time, but we didn't know and we kissed him goodnight as normal after evening (late night) visiting.
2 hours later we were called to the hospital, but he'd already passed away. I will remember the sight of him lying dead in his hospital bed forever.
(Sorry it's long)
My mam died 8 weeks ago on the 28 of this month. I still can't believe it I haven't had time to properly grieve yet as I'm.constantly looking aglfter our 4 y/o won and my OH works 5 days a week and sleeps on his days off. I NEVER get a break and even feel selfish for saying this. But I want time away from my son just to be with my thoughts and by myself. I'm going to a brevement counseller in Jan. And event that's a task as to how in going to get there... Ugh. All I want is my mam back. We are so close and I just can't believe it. She's my life. My everything. I'm just so angry and i don't know what to do or where to turn. No one is listening to me when I tell the how frustratingly and difficult I'm finding it to raise [our] child. When I want and need to be with my mam and greive for her. What do I do?? #stressedoutmassively
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I lost my Mum 4 weeks ago, she was my best friend and I have a permanent lump in my throat. So sorry for your loss, it is devastating. I know my Mum would hate me to be so upset so trying to be strong but is its very hard. Thinking of you.
To the last poster. This is an old thread. If you need support you are welcome to join us on the support thread for anyone who has lost a parent.
Hi everyone I lost my mum in on 8th of January I was 29.suddenly she died on the Tuesday after being just ill from the Monday morning totally unexpected still feel down most of the time after my dad has found some one else few months later she moved in and she jucked me out of the house after a month and dad doesn't seem to care and now moving away and getting married I just can see how this is right as I not over the fact she's not around any more and nr had the chance say goodbye as the time I got to hospital she was hook up to the life lines and they was trying to find what was wrong but too late and took the merchines off and died within 30mins of me getting there.just can't see how these is right and looks like she taken him for a ride just can't get my head round how he could over her so quick as I am no wAy nr rwDy for this
Hi Mogo i know what you mean. I am just wishing i could speak to my mum or hear her voice! I am seriously thinking of seeing pyschic.
How is everyone doing? It has got easier but i try very hard to not think about things in depth as i seriously become to upset at times cant breathe.
I just take her with me now, i know she is there and guiding and sending love and i get the messsages from her too.
Just not looking forward to her birthday in septemeber and even worse christmas.
Hi. My mum died 6 years ago today. She was my very best friend and died very suddenly and unexpectedly. I miss her so much - I can't believe how lonely I feel without her,even though I have a great family and some fab friends. If I could have any wish in the world, I would have two minutes more with her, just to tell her what she meant to me. For anyone out there who still has their mum, love her and cherish her every day - no-one will ever replace her once she's gone !
I wrote on here when my mum died 16 months ago and again when dad found out he had cancer.And last week as I sat and held his hand as he passed from this life my heart was again breaking.I know all he wanted was to go be with his darling but watching cancer take him was something I wouldnt want anyone to go through.The very next day after he died my baby brother became a daddy for the very first time and as our hearts were breaking from the loss of our dad we found strength to celebrate the little boy born into the world.I will miss both my mum nad dad so much and know they are together watching over us.
i lost my dad on December 2nd 2011.I also wondered how people coped .It feels like life is carrying on but im not if you know what i mean.
Its the rollercoaster of emotions everyday i wondered got any easier.
Hi, my mum passed away on christmas eve 2011 -my sister and I were with her at 6am. She had been in hospital for 6 weeks following a stroke but it was a shock we were looking for a suitable nursing home for her. I am really struggling; I am a grown woman with children and I keep losing it. I keep remembering things and even going into a shop which I used to go in with mum upsets me. My sis and I are going to have to sort mum's house out but I can't believe she isn't going back there. My dad died 10 years ago and I still get upset and miss him every day. Just don't know what to do and Christmas will never be the same.
Hello, i lost my Mum 7 weeks ago. I'm facing my first Christmas without her. I miss her so much. I can't believe she is not here, she was so important, the centre of the family. I feel like a scared little girl without her which is ridiculous as I am a grown woman. I try not to show my feelings but I sometimes can't hide them. I wish none of us ever had to go through this pain. I am so sorry for everyone here I could weep for you all. It gets better apparently, I just feel its getting worse.
Just found this thread. Mum died in hospital a week ago and they had to do a post mortem but still could not find out what she died of
They are giving us an interim death certificate so that we can at least make arrangements and they will have an inquest.
She was a lovely mother but for the last 5yrs or so was just going downhill with Dementia and sometimes she would not know who anyone was and other times she would talk to you normally and give you a call on the phone.
I miss her phonecalls now, even the early morning ones...
My dad meant absolutly everything to me. We were very close and did a lot of things together so it's going to be very weird. I'm 25 now so i'm happy he got to see me graduate and guided me through a large part of my life but my little brothers only 16 so it's very difficult for him. My parents have been together for 35 years (married for 28) so my mum is finding it especially difficult too.
During the month before he went to hospital he had stomach aches. He went to the doctors on 4 occasions and went to the hospital to get an xray done (and various other tests) but they didn't spot anything. I repeatedly asked him if anythings wrong but he always reassured me that he was ok. Lately he's been telling me how proud he was of me, and how i need to be the man of the house and look after everyone which leads me to believe he knew exactly how serious this stomach pain was.
I'm happy that he knew exactly how much i loved him, i'm happy that he was comfortable and didn't have any pain in hospital (apart from day 3), i'm happy that we got to communicate for the 4 or 5 days he was good, i'm also happy that he was prepared for death should it happen and was "at peace with himself, take care of the kids" exactly what he wrote to my mum in the hospital.
Emotionally drained and distraught is the best way to sum up my emotions tbh.
On the 18th of May my dad complained about having serious stomach pains and was rushed to hospital. Turns out he had a perforated bowel which required emergency surgery. Surgery took like 3 hours and they find that most of his big intestine was practically dead so they had to remove a large chunk of it and also that due to an infection in his blood stream, most of his other organs wasn't functioning properly and needed support.
3 days went by where he was making gradual improvement but something again went wrong (heart rate dropped) and we were back to square one. Doctors then say that they see more bowel has been affected in an x-ray and they need to do another surgery. If it's too much then he won't survive. They also tell us that during the time they revived him the second time he suffered damage to the brain. Anyway they do the surgery again and find nothing? i mean wtf.
Miraciously the next day he shows "big improvement", and for the next few days his improvement is staggering. He was talking (altough he was finding it very hard), writing in 2 different languages, he even managed to stand up (with help of the physio). He had no machines supporting any of his organs either and the nurses were planning on moving him away from ICU and into a ward.
This past sunday night his breathing went bad again and we got a call from the nurses telling us so. On Tuesday the doctor tells us that they've done everything possible but he's got absolutly no energy and will most likely pass away. On Wednesday the 1st of June my father passes away. The funeral was on th 8th.
Hello I am so sorry sweethart to be going through pain like this again. It's weird because i always look on here and often think of you all. When names come up like yours and sex on legs and lady macca (and many others) I think of all that we were going through together. The loss of my mum, almost 10 months ago (I can't believe it's been that long) is the worst thing I've been through. I wouldn't have thought it possible that I could get through that, but I guess that shows how strong the human can be! I hate it that she's not here. I said yesterday to a friend I miss her every day; some days it's just more unbearable than others. I understand now what people were saying to me back then. It never goes away; you just learn to live with it; some times better than others. Every night I say a prayer (I'm not religious) just to give me some contact with her? I have a 2.5 year old and he keeps me going.... So sorry for all our losses especially those who have just lost their mum or somebody close. It's a terrible time; the only thing I can say is you will cope with it even if at this point you think you can't. If I have, anybody can. Love to you all. Xxxx
I am so sorry. How cruel life is.
Have they said anything about treatment etc? for your Dad?
My Mum died 6 months ago, and 6 weeks later my dad underwent major back surgery (5 hours-worth). It wasn't life threatening, but I remember saying goodbye to him before they took him to theatre and just bawling as I walked out of the hospital.
I hope you can find some time for yourself. xx
Its been almost 9 months since we lost mum and the pain is still very raw.Dad just found out he has cancer and its hard to think we may lose him too so soon after mum.He says if it is his time he will be ok about it because he knows mum is waiting for him....I am not sure how much more I can take its so hard to carry on.But I have others who depend on me so I keep moving.
Ah Zen, BIG hug to you too, such tough times and our mums always gave us a cuddle when we felt sad..... Here is a virtual hug for you to brighten your day xxx :-)
Hi everyone! It's now nearly 8 months since my mum was taken from us an I feel as raw now as I did then. You will all probably understandthe pain I am feeling. As well as this I feel that I have become the parent to my dad, my husband tries to help but I feel so lost an alone. I still think that I will just ring an tell her this etc an it's slaps me in the face everytime!
We have recently had a meeting with the hospital who have admitted negligence an by not acting an giving proper treatment my mum died. I'm sure this is playing a big part but I don't know how to get past it. I am an only child so there Is just me to deal with it. I have had some counselling but don't feel I got much from it.
Sorry to rant just feeling very low at the moment an would do anything for a cuddlefrom my mum right about now xx
Love to you all an if course the stars in the sky xxxx
Hello Scissors - My mum died 27th Sept 2010, I am 38 :-). I think of mum and miss her terribly every day!!......nearly 33 weeks ago. I have accepted now that she is not coming back but not having her near or being able to talk to her is so painfull, We spoke every day and saw each other at least twice a week. I know mum would be looking down and hate us being so sad she would want us to carry on living our lives and be happy but that still does not take the pain away. I went to a berevement class at the hospital on Monday, it was the first time we had been back there since mum passed away, that was hard enough in itself. The class was very interesting and explained how people feel through grief and the different stages, everything that everyone is feeling here is so totally normal and common stages of grief which was nice to hear, makes you feel human still and that your not going mad and alone.
I was thinking the other day that through our years of growing up we are tought how to eat, smile, love, cherish, make friends, earn money, drive cars( the list is endless) but noone ever tells us how to deal with the pain of loosing a love one which is why places like this are so comforting and helpfull and make you feel you are not alone and can share it at least with others feeling the same.
Sending you all a big hug xxxxx
My mum died 8 weeks ago from cancer it was a big shock because she died very suddenly. Since then I feel ill and worried that I am going to get it. My body aches and i feel discomfort in my tummy. I miss her really bad as since my husband died 2 years ago she has been my rock and always been there for my. I worry about something happening to me and leaving my 9 year old son alone. Help am I going mad
I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. It is very early days.
It is easy to feel guilty about not seeing someone often or before they died, but it could have happened at any time, so please don't be hard on yourself.
Can you tell us any more about your lovely Mum?
my Mum died on Wednesday, i am so sad. She was poorly and in hospital, my sister and i thought she would be ok. her death came as such a shock. i feel really bad i didnt see her before she died. i miss her so much it hurts
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