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i can't believe it is 4 months today since DH died

(49 Posts)
onlyjoking9329 Thu 09-Oct-08 08:11:07

i feel like i want to mark today somehow.
in some ways it seems far longer than four months.
this week i have felt very calm and much less tearful, not sure if that means things are now somehow "better" or if this is a good phase? i will make the most of it just in case.

Buda Thu 09-Oct-08 08:12:52

4 months? wow.

Make the most of any good phases OJ. Have a trifle!

LoveMyGirls Thu 09-Oct-08 08:13:08

It sounds like you are holding it together really well OJ, I have so much sympathy and respect for you, 4 months already, time is slipping by faster and faster since I hit 21!

JacobsPrincessOfDarkness Thu 09-Oct-08 08:14:05

My thoughts and prayers are still with you. Your thread made me cry and yet rejoice in the strength of the human spirit. Hope you and your wonderful children are doing well. You have made me reconsider the value of my family. Priceless.

Flamesparrow Thu 09-Oct-08 08:14:49

4 months???


umberella Thu 09-Oct-08 08:18:43

time passes so quickly. strength to you x

throckenholt Thu 09-Oct-08 08:22:28

time passes quicker than you ever expect. And I guess it is much longer than that since he was the real DH untainted by the tumours.

The every day will slot itself into new norms - but you will still be floored now and again by the unexpected. As you say - make the most of the good phases and believe that the bad ones won't last too long and will become less frequent as time passes.

In the end you will be able to look back and appreciate all the positives you shared and leave the negatives behind.

Hope the kids are coping too.

differentWitch Thu 09-Oct-08 08:35:38

4 months is still a very short time. You probably did a lot of grieving before Steve passed, which is why it has flown by. It's coming into a difficult time of year for everyone who's lost someone so dear to them, but you are so strong, you will manage.x

LilRedWG Thu 09-Oct-08 08:39:14

I'm with Buda - have a trifle.

Much love to you. x

bellavita Thu 09-Oct-08 08:42:30

xxxxxxxxx for you OJ.

RubySlippers Thu 09-Oct-08 08:42:57

<<squeeze>> for you OJ xx

shootfromthehip Thu 09-Oct-08 08:47:30

Didn't see your original threads but wanted to send much love to you at this horrible time. Enjoy being up for the moment, pull your LO's close to you and remember the man you shared your life with. xxx

Lupins71 Thu 09-Oct-08 08:54:22

Just read your profile as I missed your sad news and you sound like an amazing lady, your strength is inspiring altho I am sure it doesnt always feel like this, I am not sure what would be relevant to mark the occasion maybe you could go to a local park or cafe that you both liked visiting, hugs to you today

onlyjoking9329 Thu 09-Oct-08 09:33:19

my mate is coming over today, we might go out to lunch to steves fav place, not been there since he died, if i feel up to it i will take some of his ashes to scatter near the waterfall.

bundle Thu 09-Oct-08 09:34:49

hello love, do make the most of your "good" phase

thinking of you all xxx

Overmydeadbody Thu 09-Oct-08 09:35:38

That sounds like a good plan OJ. Sending you lots of strength and good vibes xxx

TimeForMe Thu 09-Oct-08 09:36:39

Still thinking of you X

KerryMumchingOnEyeballs Thu 09-Oct-08 09:37:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FAQ Thu 09-Oct-08 09:41:24

Thinking of you OJ - I may treat the boys to a trifle tonight for you - I missed the mass trifle eating previously

Evenstar Thu 09-Oct-08 11:00:17

I often think of you OJ, I hope that you continue to find peace. Hope that you managed to sort out your problems with the bank. I am sure you are looking forward to your holiday. Take care x

SuperPsychoFabioSaver Thu 09-Oct-08 11:38:27

goodness, 4 mthsshock.

many <<hugs>> for today, and I hope you get to have lunch and think of him and his huge love for you.

littlelapin Thu 09-Oct-08 12:04:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onlyjoking9329 Thu 09-Oct-08 15:24:36

did i speak too soon?
the postman brought me some returned death certificates and some more forms from the pension bods, now i am kinda used to doing forms and kinda used to filling in steve NI number and date of birth, but it gets me everytime when i have to fill in his date of death, so we went for plan B which involved red eyes and tissues then we went somewhere different for lunch, my mates are on a mission to fatten me up as i have lost quite a bit of weight, its not that i can't eat its more that eating used to be such a social thing for me and steve and cooking for myself has no joy, sitting by myself makes me feel crap so i just eat snacks unless i go out or mates come round.
the bank stuff is still not sorted, we go on holiday next friday and i have yet to even think about packing.

SuperPsychoFabioSaver Thu 09-Oct-08 15:29:12


FabioCatello Thu 09-Oct-08 15:30:36

1. What food did steve like (apart from trifle)? Eat that.
2. Get a stamp with the date of steve's death and use that. I did something similar once and it felt quite gratifying not to physically write out something I didn't want to, and instead go <thwack> with a stamp instead.

Four months on - does it feel like you're moving further away from him? I had that once. I wanted to feel easier about things, as you often do with time, but also I felt like there was more of a distance, which was miserable.

I will raise a trifle to steve later.

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