So angry and upset.

[orangemoon]

This day, seven years ago i lost my firstborn son. No-one in my family has bothered to call to ask if i'm ok, not even my dp.
I'm not ok, it still hurts like hell 7 years on and i am on my own all day apart from when my dd comes home from school.
I know none of my family have forgot, they are just too ignorant about it, as if it is a taboo subject, my mum wont even mention his name and when i say anything about him she changes the subject so quickly.
I have tried talking to her about how much it hurts me but she doesn't want to know.
Sorry, this turned into a rant and it wasn't meant to be, i just want to be able to remember my son with my family and friends but it's impossible.

[onepieceoflollipop]

orangemoon so sorry to read your post. What a difficult and sad day this must be for you.
If your family find it so hard to talk about, do you have any understanding friends?

I'm so sorry you lost your son.

[orangemoon]

thankyou opol, i do have friends who i could talk to but unfortunately they are going through their own personal problems at the moment.

[onepieceoflollipop]

Does your dd know about her brother orangemoon? (sorry if that sounds insensitive, but I don't know your story and the ages of your dd and how old your son was)

Sometimes (as I am sure you know) women of our mothers' generation think it best to ignore situations like this and find it really difficult to talk about them.

[shabster]

Lovley thread with lovley ladies

I can understand your pain - I lost 2 of my 4 sons. If you want to go to the thread I have linked above I think you would find like minded bereaved mums. We are all at different stages of grief with different experiences and just trying to help each other down this crappy path we have to travel. xxxxx

[orangemoon]

My dd is 5 and is only just starting to guage what brother and sister ect means, and is quite confused when we try to explain to her about her brother, although we do have pictures of him around the house and we visit his grave, i also have a ds who is 3 but he doesn't understand at all.

[orangemoon]

Thankyou Shabster

[Habbibu]

So sorry, orangemoon. Do you post on SANDS at all? I've found it really helpful to talk about dd1 there.

[OneLieIn]

Big hug orangemoon.

[onepieceoflollipop]

Oh that must be hard orangemoon.

I am glad that shabster is here with a link for you. I am sure that you will find it a support reading (and posting) on that thread.

Look after yourself today, if we were in rl I would give you a big mug of tea and even a hug.

[hazygirl]

big hug x im sorryx

[littleyellowbird]

Hi orangemoon, so very sorry that nobody has acknowledged this is a special and difficult day for you. I am so sorry you lost your son, sending you much love and thoughts today. My sister lost her son last month, still raw and I will never forget to mark those special days for her in the years ahead.

Take care and wish for you easier days x

[orangemoon]

Well i went on my own to the cemetary to visit my son, my dp has clearly forgot, and to top things off my dd's pet gerbil died on saturday so she is devastated and i had to try and explain death ect to her

[shabster]

Oh sweetheart - wish I could help in some way....xxx

[orangemoon]

Tankyou Shabster, i hate feeling like this, even 7 years on the pain is still raw on anniversary's and is made 100 times worse that none of my family are there to comfort me.
I feel scared to say my ds's name because everyone seems so uncomfortable when i mention him and want to change the subject.
I had ds when i was 17, my mum was very angry with me at the time but when she found out ds died she was really sympathetic towards me and we became really close but when it came to ds's funeral she was due to fly to ireland for the weekend on the day of the funeral, she asked me if i wanted her to come, but her tone of voice said "i'd rather be on holiday" i told her she didn't have to come if she didn't want to so she didn't and the only person i wanted there on that day was my mum. I know i should have told her i wanted her there but she should never of asked me, she should have been there whatever.

[shabster]

Why dont you follow that link I left you my love......you could vent your feelings on there because there are so many lovely mums who would be able to understand your feelings and maybe offer their experiences and how they coped with them. You dont have to post it you dont want to - just spend a little time reading through from the beginning and see if any of us can help