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Bearers, is this still the custom?

(14 Posts)
Earthymama Sat 27-Sep-08 20:12:21

My mother died earlier in the week and I'm wondering should I ask family and friends to be bearers? Do people still do this, maybe walk alongside the coffin or leave it to the undertakers?

(Our funeral director is an old family friend and about 106 so don't want to bother him tonight. I will ask tomorrow but will worry all night.)

I don't really know what I'm doing, I'm in that auto-pilot thing, though have been dreadfully upset today.

By the way, she was 90, really pooorly and ready to go and I thought I was ready to let her. It seems I was wrong.

policywonk Sat 27-Sep-08 20:14:15

Very sorry to hear your news, Earthymama.sad

You can have bearers if you want - people still do. The bearers walk alongside now rather than carrying the coffin (or they did at my mother's funeral).

differentID Sat 27-Sep-08 20:14:41

no one is ever ready Earthymama, there's never been enough time. It is usually family and friends, but there are sometimes trolleys to use?

cupsoftea Sat 27-Sep-08 20:15:19

Thoughts for you Earthymama xxx

Mercy Sat 27-Sep-08 20:17:28

Sorry to hear this Earthymama sad

CherryChapstick Sat 27-Sep-08 20:19:17

So sorry EM.
It is a truelly awful time.
My lovely Mum died from cancer at the age of 65 in June.
I don't feel any further forward now than I did on that day.
Yes. You can have poll bearers 4, or 6 or just a couple to work with the director's chaps.
Lots of love to you. I hope you find some peace soon.

mummylin2495 Sat 27-Sep-08 20:19:24

My friend died earlier in the year and her twin sons acted as two of the bearers for the coffin.

cat64 Sat 27-Sep-08 20:23:59

Message withdrawn

Blandmum Sat 27-Sep-08 20:24:00

Dh was carried by his 3 brothers and two very dear friends.

We were given the option by the funeral director

purpleflower Sat 27-Sep-08 20:24:47

So sorry for you sad

When my Mum died my Dad and three brothers carried her into the church. Earlier this year when my Nan died she was carried by her grandsons (and my Dad, my youngest cousin would only do it if Dad did)

They are the only funerals I've had any experience with so I'm not sure if it's normal or not.

NorbertDentressangle Sat 27-Sep-08 20:25:27

Sorry to hear about your Mum Earthymama.

You can opt to either have family and friends as pallbearers or use people from the funeral directors -it is entirely up to you and your family.

For my Dads's funeral earlier this year we chose to have pall-bearers from the funeral directors.

In this day and age it seems to be perfectly acceptable to do whatever you (or the deceased) want with regards to all the details (pall-bearers/music/service/what mourners wear etc).

There is no right and wrong so please don't worry about it. Your funeral director will lead you through it all and help with decisions if you need it.

HonoriaGlossop Sat 27-Sep-08 20:33:50

So sorry about your mum Earthymama. I just wanted to say that at my Grandad's funeral a couple of years ago, his coffin was carried by his 4 sons (my uncles). It was one of the most affecting and moving parts of the day and I know that the 'boys' would have all wanted very much to do this for their dad.

Agree there's no right or wrong - if relatives or friends want to and are happy to, there should be absolutely no reason why they shouldn't but equally the funeral directors do it very well of course.

I hope it all goes as well as it can for you all.

Onlyjoking Sun 28-Sep-08 08:30:16

sorry to hear about your mum.
It is a personal thing I think, it. Might be something that family/friends want to do, equally it might be something that would be difficult to decide on. The funeral people will guide you. For my husbands funeral me and the kids walked behind the coffin.

LoveMyGirls Sun 28-Sep-08 08:54:13

Sorry to hear this EM x

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