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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

1 2

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Lost My 2 yr old this March

34 replies

Kat172 · 15/09/2008 20:14

And the days just seem to be getting Harder, It wa expected but still did nt help with things Seems like family have forgoten about her and it breaks my heart.

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wtfhashappened · 15/09/2008 20:15

I am so sorry. Sending you a big cuddle.

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sarah293 · 15/09/2008 20:17

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Jackstini · 15/09/2008 20:17

So sorry Kat, I have no experience but couldn't let your post go by.
Are your family aware of how much it is hurting at the moment? Would it help for you to talk to them/someone else about your dd, get photos out etc?

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biglips · 15/09/2008 20:17

im so sorry for your loss.

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}

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twoluvlykids · 15/09/2008 20:18

I'm so sorry. Also sending you a big hug.I'm sure the family haven't forgotten about her. Maybe they don't know what to say to you.

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gingerninja · 15/09/2008 20:18

My heart goes out to you. I have a two year old and can't contemplate what you've been through. I hope you find some strength from somewhere.

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iheartdusty · 15/09/2008 20:19

oh Kat172, I'm so sorry. What were her favourite things? How do you best like to remember her?

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Hassled · 15/09/2008 20:19

I'm so sorry. Maybe your family can't begin to know what to say? Not an excuse - IME saying anything is better than nothing - but it might explain the silence. I'm sure it doesn't mean they don't care. Again, I'm very sorry for your loss.

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thesockmonsterofdoom · 15/09/2008 20:20

So sorry for your loss tell your family that you need them to talk about her if that is what you need. They won't have forgotten they just wont want to make anything any harder for you and probably dont know the right thing to do.

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Frizbe · 15/09/2008 20:22

so sorry, agree with the posts keep talking to people about her, sometimes people don't talk, because it makes them uncomfortable, I'm sure they do care, just don;t know what to say/feel helpless ((((Hugs))))

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Jackstini · 15/09/2008 20:23

Yes, please talk about her to us Kat. Can you maybe add your profile with a pic of her?

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Kat172 · 15/09/2008 20:25

gosh i cant believe the amount of repies i got , i have 3 girls at home there 11,7 and 4 and always talk about her, alot of family never actually bothered with my daughter when she was alive so now shes gone i dont no why i expected anymore but just feels like they dont care, I understand that people grieve in different ways so maybe thats what it is. My hubby misses her so much he was with her 24/7 but being a man he keeps it hidden. We visit her grave which is about 10 miles away at least every other day but its hard going there knowing no one except my mum goes

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Habbibu · 15/09/2008 20:26

I am so so sorry for the loss of your lovely daughter. It's so hard when you feel like everyone has forgotten, and your grief is so raw.

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herbietea · 15/09/2008 20:28

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MmeLindt · 15/09/2008 20:36

So sorry to hear that you feel alone in your grief for your DD. I agree with other posters that sometimes people avoid the topic altogether so as not to upset you or themselves.

Do you want to tell us a bit about your DD?

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Pheebe · 15/09/2008 20:46

{{{Kat172}}} so so sorry for your loss

As other posters have said people deal with grief in different ways and I'm sure they are grieving for your daughter too but perhaps are unsure how to communicate with you about her for fear of upsetting you. You say her passing was expected, I imagine that would be very hard to cope with also for your family (let alone you). Perhaps they didn't know how to relate to your daughter knowing she would only be with you a short time.

Are you getting any grief counselling? Perhaps you could talk this through with your counsellor

Again as others have said please do tell us about her and celebrate her life with us if you are ready and feel it would help

All I can do is send you warm thoughts and strength

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Twelvelegs · 15/09/2008 20:47

I think a support group in RL could be really helpful. I'm sure it's quite common for people to stop talking about it, thinking it may make you feel worse or remind you not knowing that you think about her all of the time.
Some ladies have blogs to help them.
Could you have a day, dinner or something where you all talk about her, stories and sharing good times and memories.
British people are a little weird about death, we like to hide it and it's affects.
In the mean time how about a scrap book or book of memories that you could ask everyone to contribute to. If they feel embarrassed then it could just be a photo of themselves and who they are. A way to put your daughter back in their minds and conversation. You could ask for any nice poems or words about, daughters/love/loss and or some of your daughter's favourite things from fireworks to bright lights, laughter to In the Night garden anything
This may just get people to realise how much you miss her and at least give you a chance to tell them.

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cazzybabs · 15/09/2008 20:52

I am so sorry.

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norksinmywaistband · 15/09/2008 20:54

Sorry for your loss.

Everyone deals with grief in their own way and although I understand and respect your need to visit her grave regularly( I have not lost a child so do not pretend to have walked in your shoes) Not visiting does not mean she is not in their thoughts.

I have never visited my mothers grave as I prefer to remember her in a place we formed memories.
The only reason I mention this is to let you know that everyone has a different way of dealing with things.

Can you talk to your other Dc and DH and remember her with them?

Please talk to us here and remember your DD with us.

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Kat172 · 15/09/2008 20:56

Ive added a picture o macy to my gallery if anyone wants to take a look, Were on the waiting list or couselling which here is rather slow process,
Macy was born 5 weeks early and they diagnosed her very quickly, She was hard work but that didnt bother us , Hubby would stay with her downstairs at night and sleep during the day, She went to nursery with a nurse and really enjoyed that, Her illnes meant she was deaf,blind and needed oxygen all the time but she was such a happy little girl, She let go the day after mothers day at 2.42 am she passed away from renal failure , There was over 200 people at her funeral she was carried in a pink coffin witha angel painted on it in a carriage pulled by horses, Saddest day of my life,

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Pheebe · 15/09/2008 21:01

Kat, thank you for sharing Macy's photo with us, she's beautiful

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cba · 15/09/2008 21:02

what a beautiful sweet girl. She touched your hearts and will stay in your hearts forever.

Cherish the thought you have and sod those who do not share.

One day you will be together, at the moment she is looking over you still sharing your love.

Take care xx

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norksinmywaistband · 15/09/2008 21:03

What an adorable little girl

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Twelvelegs · 15/09/2008 21:17

Ah, Kat lovely photo. Have you any of your other little girls? Perhaps it's time to get some real help.

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MmeLindt · 15/09/2008 21:17

What a cutie. Thankyou for sharing her photos with us.

There are some good ideas here, I like the idea of a scrapbook or a blog (maybe a facebook or yahoo group?) where you and your family could share memories.