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how could I approach this?

(11 Posts)
busymum1 Thu 11-Sep-08 20:43:21

another mother at the school had a baby about 6 weeks younger than my ds2. He survived with heart problems until just after his first birthday but unfortunately his operation was unsuccessful and he died about 4 weeks after his birthday. My ds2 has just had his birthday so I know it must be soon he would have been 2 I want to show the mum I still care without upsetting her unneccessarily was thinking of a card saying thinking of her but should I mark both occassions i.e. birthday and anniversary or just one? I unfortunately can not remember his birthday and neither can the school but will ask at nursery next door as his sister went there. I don't want to ignore her either. The woman is african but now speaks quite good english and we talk well in the playground but only occassionally outside of school would appreciate advice please.

Megglevache Thu 11-Sep-08 20:54:16

You sound so wonderful, what a great thing to do. As you know roughly when his birthday was how about a "thinking of you" card.

I would be so touched that someone had remembered.

You sound lovely.

busymum1 Thu 11-Sep-08 20:55:10

thanx was not sure if would upset her more

Megglevache Thu 11-Sep-08 20:57:59

She'll probably be emotional about it. You often hear though that people who have suffered a loss like this feel that their loved one has been forgotten.

Maybe someone with experince will come along soon. I couldn't not post. smile

mehgalegs Thu 11-Sep-08 20:58:10

I think that is a really thoughtful idea. I am sure she would be touched to think that someone remembered and that she had your support.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt Thu 11-Sep-08 21:00:35

I try to make sure I write to or talk to a friend who lost her child around the time of the anniversary (his birthday and the day he died are very close together). I just say I'm thinking of her and her family. There's nothing you can do that will make it remotely better, but I think the worst thing must be people forgetting or being too embarrassed to say anything.

pookybear Thu 11-Sep-08 21:07:12

Oh how lovely you are to be so thoughtful. My husband died just over three years ago and this year no one remembered his birthday. I was so upset, I realise people are busy with their lives but I would have loved a card or a posy of flowers to say someone had thought of him. I put the last card I sent him on the dresser with a rose, you are sure to help her by remembering, even if you ask her when his birthday was, she will be pleased to talk about him,that in itself is a gift you can give her, the chance to talk about his birthday. Very well done!

osborne Thu 11-Sep-08 21:11:38

would be lovely to mark the day. my friend lost a one twin and finds the day hard as no one remembers the lost baby.

Thelighthousekeeper Thu 11-Sep-08 21:26:17

It's a lovely thought to mark the day. A card would be perfect and I'm sure she would really appreciate it and it will mean alot to know that someone is thinking of her and her DS. Like Jimjam says the worst thing will be people forgetting or being to embarrassed to say anything. You are lovely to be so caring.

Onlyjoking Thu 11-Sep-08 23:12:51

you won't upset her as she will be upset anyway, to know that people care and have not forgotten will be a huge thing for her, you are lovely

AlexanderPandasmum Thu 11-Sep-08 23:30:58

That is so lovely that you are thinking of her. It was my (stillborn) ds's 3rd birthday last week and not many people really said anything and I was so hurt sad so I think she will be really touched that you remembered.

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