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How should a nanny cope with the loss of a charge

(13 Posts)
marcelthemonkey Thu 11-Sep-08 16:49:20

I was a nanny for a family who lost a child while i worked for them. its been a while now and my question is should i still be upset about this, if at all? I don't feel that i have dealt with it and am considering talking to someone, either a friend or some sort of counselling. Is that a good idea or should i just get a grip?

3littlefrogs Thu 11-Sep-08 16:53:50

That is awful. Very distressing for you, of course you should see if you can find someone to talk to - whether that is a bereavement group, or counselling through you GP or professional organisation.

Anna8888 Thu 11-Sep-08 16:56:09

I think you are quite justified in seeking some kind of bereavement counselling. That must have been a terrible shock for you - both directly, and quite traumatic also to be an adult working in a family that had suffered such a loss.

meemar Thu 11-Sep-08 16:57:44

No, you shouldn't just 'get a grip'. Your feelings of grief are completely valid. Talk to someone if you need to.

Sorry you are still hurting sad

marcelthemonkey Thu 11-Sep-08 17:00:39

Thank you for your replies. It happened a few years ago now though and i think i didn't deal with it then so am trying to now but many friends can't understand why i'd be upset at all let alone a few years later.

Kat172 Tue 16-Sep-08 17:40:40

My daughter had a nurse that spent 12 hrs a week with her before she died and my daughter who was only 22 months Loved her, ive since lost contact with the nurse but think of her so much and wish id still got her number cause i so want to see hows she doing, The thought thats your charge is still in your thoughts is warming to me hope i dont sound like a weirdo or anything, i do think u need som support hun

Kat172 Tue 16-Sep-08 17:41:18

My daughter had a nurse that spent 12 hrs a week with her before she died and my daughter who was only 22 months Loved her, ive since lost contact with the nurse but think of her so much and wish id still got her number cause i so want to see hows she doing, The thought thats your charge is still in your thoughts is warming to me hope i dont sound like a weirdo or anything, i do think u need som support hun

marcelthemonkey Wed 17-Sep-08 12:11:20

Thanks for taking time to reply. Sorry for your loss Kat172. I've tried talking to my friends but no one seems to understand that i was attached, they seem to think i was just the nanny so why would i be affected. I did try to talk to one friend who though my feelings were valid but she thinks i should go to my GP and get referred to a therapist rather than talking to a friend. I just feel like its over the top to go to therapy and i should be able to deal with it myself. I'm not very good at asking for help and I'm not sure about therapy.

Bridie3 Wed 17-Sep-08 12:20:05

Not surprised you have deep feelings of loss.

You must be a lovely, caring nanny.

snickersnack Wed 17-Sep-08 12:59:16

I would find it strange if our nanny wasn't affected if something happened to one of our children. I don't see how you could fail to develop an attachment to a child you look after so intensively.

Can I suggest you try the Child Bereavement Trust? Their website has lots of information on it, plus there is a helpline that I'm sure could either offer advice and support or point you in the right direction. I have never had cause to use them myself, but have heard amazing stories from friends who have, sadly, needed their services.

marcelthemonkey Fri 19-Sep-08 09:57:35

Thanks for that i'll have a look. Is therapy the best option do you think? Is it a bad thing to need help with this, can't help feeling i should get over myself! Mainly because most of my friends reckon i shouldn't be upset about this. I feel a bit nervous thinking about talking to a stranger.

Kat172 Fri 19-Sep-08 13:43:21

You sound like a lovely Person hunny and i think your human basically who wouldnt be affected if they lost someone they had close contact with xx

marcelthemonkey Wed 01-Oct-08 12:35:25

Thank you

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