it's 12 weeks today since Steve died.

[onlyjoking9329]

I didn't think we would get throu the first few weeks to be honest, but we did and we got throu the 6 week school holiday. It has been a rollercoaster ride and there have been many many times when I have felt like giving up, but I haven't the kids are doing so very well throu all of this and they drive me to carry on drinking trying my best.
Steve will be very proud of how well the kids are doing.
The kids are back to school on Wednesday so I will be able to get some more crap paperwork sorted out, Tracy has taken the kids to pizzahut today so I can catch up on Mn sleep and get rid of this headache.
Thankyou for all your support over the last year I hope in time I will be able to support others as well as I have been supported.

[MatNanPlus]

Thinking of you all OJ, time does seem to move on when we think it is on a go slow.

Hope you lose the headache

[BloodySmartarse]

am full of admiration and respect oj, youre a wonderful woman.

[Hulababy]

Thinking of you all.

You are all doung so well, and it s still such early days too.

[escape]

I wish you the strength to continue as well as you have been doing
Bloody well done x

[SaggyOldBagpuss]

Thinking of you all OJ xx

Hoping that you can remember Steve and the good times with a smile as well as a tear x

[onlyjoking9329]

I am trying to think more positively, I am doing a coffee morning to raise funds for Macmillan , debs our mac nurse is trying to talk me into doing the race for life and she wants me to get some of my poetry published which I might do as a fund raiser for Macmillan. Should keep me busy for a while.

[escape]

wow, certainly does sound busy - but all good though!
I think your focus needs to be on yourself and the kids though - and only doing these other things/supporting other people, if it trully benefits you/their health and state of mind
does that make sense?

[mellyonion]

hey oj...so glad to see you here. i was thinking about you just this morning....

you are so incredible oj....i bet you would rather not be, and have steve by your side, but in spite of everything, your posts always sound so good natured, calm, loving and strong...

your children sound amazing and also sound like they are doing so well.....

i can only speak for myself here obviously, but i just want you to know that even if people aren't posting on here daily to you, i'm sure there are many peole like me who think about you every day....

i always think of you more on the weekends too...i can't remember exactly what you called them, but it was something like "twatterday and bumday" (i KNOW it wasn't those words you used...can't think of your ones now )

but anyway. i've rabbited enough...

just wanted to raise a small glass of rum (is it too early?!) to you and your family. x

[bigcar]

That's good to hear oj

[BreeVanderCampLGJ]

Well done you.

Much love.

[Miaou]

Oj, weirdly I was just thinking about you last night. (or maybe not so weird, I often do!)You are doing so well. Your strength is in your ability to be honest about how you are feeling I think.

Have you got plans for when the children go back to school?

xxx

[Buda]

Hi OJ. You are doing so well. And i am sure Steve is with you every step of the way.

[onlyjoking9329]

Escape, the kids are my priority I am all they have. I am doing the coffee morning in sept the other stuff won't happen for a while, until I am ready and able.
I want to raise some funds for the mac team they have been and still are invaluable to us and I want other people to get the same level of support due to the generosity of Mn our mac team were given £1500 I want to try and match that, it will be something positive to come out of this and a focus, Steve would approve and wanted to do some fund raising himself sadly he wasn't able to so I will do so on his behalf, don't worry I won't pressure myself to do too much to soon.
thanks, we muddle throu, some days it all seems doable and other days it doesn't, when it doesn't I try to remember the better days, it doesn't always work but we have to try, I promised Steve we would be ok, there's still the huge steve shaped hole in our lives that we are trying to fill with memories love and trifle.
The weekends are known as shatterday and shunday
Once the kids go back to school I have to sort out the bathroom am hoping to have an ensuite for elliot and a shower room for the girls in the loft conversion and a new bathroom for me.
Also have a holiday to pack for, suncream to buy and other stuff.
I have learnt a lot of things over the last year.
It doesn't matter how much you cry there will always be more left ( same thing applies to washing/ ironing)
Lightbulbs don't last forever. (niether does rum)
Love and memories cannot be stolen (unlike chocolate)

[Miaou]

OJ that last little saying of yours has brought the tears to my eyes - partly through emotion and partly through laughter!

[onlyjoking9329]

laughter is good, we can usually find something to laugh at thoufor a while I felt guilty if I laughed, now I find other things to make me feel guilty the kids help with that

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

Hi OJ, I'm so happy to see this post. I often think of you and your dc.

Although Steve will always be missed and some days are harder than others, when the peaks and troughs get further apart, you start to realise there is light at the end of the tunnel and that another hurdle (one of many) has been jumped.

Oh, and I know you have already been supporting others on MN - I have seen your posts. You are a truly wonderful lady

[sphil]

Hi OJ
I'm amazed at the amount of support you are able to give to others on MN. From a personal POV, your comments about your DCs and your positive attitude towards their special needs always give me a huge amount of hope for DS2, who is also autistic. So glad the kids are doing well and that you've negotiated the summer holidays OK. xx

[feedmenow]

OJ, I haven't spoken to you before but (as I'm sure you know!) your name preceeds you on MN!

I have read about you and Steve and your family and have wondered about you, and am truly glad to hear that you have got through the holidays and that you all seem to be getting through each day.

xx

[mamalovesmojitos]

i absolutely love the summary of things you've learned this year. you have such a good way of writing and expressing yourself.

i am so happy to see you posting and to hear that you and your dcs are working together to move through this testing time. stay strong x.

[FiveGoMadInDorset]

Proud of you OJ

[phdlife]

hiya OJ, it is good to hear from you and good to hear how well your kids are doing, have some rum and hugs from us here

[Lilyloo]

OJ can imagine your poetry is lovely as you write so lovely.
I agree finding a sense of purpose in all this can help you get through things. Raising money for Mc support is very worthwhile and the race for life with their name on your back is very humbling.
Glad to hear your dc's are getting on with things and driving you to distraction and you have still retained your wonderful sense of humour and ability to drink rum

[onlyjoking9329]

i am a reasonably positive person, when the kids were first diagnosed with autism it shook our world but we soon picked ourselves up and got on with it, i am always positive with and about the kids i find that quite easy to do but then i have had many years of getting used to it, whats that saying if life chucks you lemons make lemonade, Steves death is much harder and at times i feel like life is unfair and that our kids need 2 parents but it is what life has dealt us it isn't what we would have choosen but it is what we have got so we have to get on with it.
steve inspired me he gave me strengh love and confidence they are things that i continue to have and will use to use to get us throu.