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Just found out friend's DS killed himself.

(25 Posts)
Vian Thu 28-Aug-08 20:53:21

No idea what to do for her or what to say or how to help. I suppose there is nothing I can do or say. She asked me to come around so I'm going by train first thing tomorrow to see her. Oh shit.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Thu 28-Aug-08 20:57:48

am so sorry for your friend. sad dont really know what else to say.

Hobnobfanatic Thu 28-Aug-08 20:59:27

Oh God; how awful. THere really is nothing you can do or say – but just being there for her – should she need to cry, shout, scream – will be a great support to her.

Every parent's worse nightmare. I can't even begin to imagine the pain she's feeling.

I'm so sorry.

Califrau Thu 28-Aug-08 21:01:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamalovesmojitos Thu 28-Aug-08 21:43:42

jesus christ. so sorry for everyone. so good that you can be there for her. it will be difficult for you too. try and rest tonight.

sad

bluebelldancer Thu 28-Aug-08 21:50:40

No one will know what to say to her. Acknowledge that, and from then you can both behave naturally.

Encourage others not to avoid her because they don't know what to say. Just be there. Don't be afraid to talk about her ds and his life.

It will be very draining for you too, I hope you have someone you'll be able to lean on and debrief with afterwards. You're obviously a very good friend.

AbbeyA Thu 28-Aug-08 22:05:35

I think that all you can do is be a support and let her talk. It happened to an aquaintance of mine a few weeks ago and I was at a loss to know what to say. Her son was 19, a good looking boy with lots of friends. He was a high achiever and at one of the top universities. It was such a waste of a life. The important thing was to say something and not avoid her. I am sure that you will be a comfort by just being with her. My best wishes to you both.

Mamazon Thu 28-Aug-08 22:06:38

what awful shocking news. im so very sorry for all concerned.

AvenaLife Thu 28-Aug-08 22:07:21

I'm so sorry for you all. sad I don't think you can do or say anything, just being there is all you can do.

lilolilmanchester Thu 28-Aug-08 22:07:57

what shocking and sad news for your friend and for you. Wishing you strength in supporting her.

MatNanPlus Thu 28-Aug-08 22:08:22

Very sorry Vian

Vian Thu 28-Aug-08 22:09:37

I just hope I don't say the wrong thing. I feel so bad for her. Loss of a child is the worst of the worst.
Apparantly he and GF broke up and then he did this. Total shock.

NorbertDentressangle Thu 28-Aug-08 22:11:15

So sorry. It must be such a shock for all his family and friends.

Would it help to find out the details about support groups for those who have lost loved ones through suicide?

There are groups out there but I'm not sure what they're called -someone on here will know, or you could google.

She may not be ready to contact them now but it might help in the future?

They may even be able to advise you on what to do for her/what to say/how to help

weepootle Thu 28-Aug-08 22:29:51

I'm so sorry. This happened to my parents last year when I lost my brother. People were phoning the house who we'd lost touch with over 10 years ago and I know my mum was really touched by this.

I would say keep going round to see her. One of my mum's friends came round almost every day- sometimes for an hour, sometimes for 3. She nearly always brought some food with her too- homemade soup, lasagne, even a roast dinner one day! This was fantastic at a time when no-one in the house wanted to cook and you soon get fed up with takeaways.

zippitippitoes Thu 28-Aug-08 22:33:47

just listen and play it by ear, you will have the strength follow your instincts and dont be afraid to cry with her

Evenstar Fri 29-Aug-08 00:28:30

Crying with her might be the best thing you could do for her at the moment, just share her grief. She may not be ready to talk yet, just sit and hold her hand.

Aero Fri 29-Aug-08 00:34:52

sad How shocking and terrible. Very tragic for this family and yours weepootle. I'm so sorry to read this.

cornsilk Fri 29-Aug-08 00:37:42

Vian that's so awful.

MarsLady Fri 29-Aug-08 01:04:54

I doubt you could say the wrong thing. I agree with the others. Do see her regularly and do let her talk and talk and talk.

I'm so sorry sad

slim22 Fri 29-Aug-08 04:42:16

how awful sad

just be there. let her call the shots. don't even try and distract her now.
be prepared to be on the receiving end of a lot of emotions, so enlist other friends for constant support for the coming months.

so sorry.

Cies Fri 29-Aug-08 05:35:41

How appalling sad.

I agree with earlier posters about some contact details for support groups. Just be there for her and see how it pans out.

findtheriver Fri 29-Aug-08 21:36:18

How shocking and awful. You are doing the right thing by going to see your friend. I think you shouldnt worry too much about what to say - I think the important thing is to be there, listen to your friend and take your cues from her. Maybe she will just want to sit and say nothing, maybe she will weep and wail. And no doubt there will be every possible emotion over the coming months. It's the being there that is important. It would also be helpful if you arrange the next time you will visit before you leave her this time. She is going to have a long hard period of grief and knowing when you will be around will be a help sad

SalLikesCoffee Fri 29-Aug-08 21:46:54

This is heart braking. I am so sorry to hear this.

My brother died unexpectedly a couple of years ago (was 23 years old, thought healthy, died within an hour) - and the only emotion you have is shock. Don't worry about what to say, you being there is what matters. One of the ladies brought roast over etc, which actually helped so much, as a) food is not on your mind, b) family comes around and then you don't want to think about practicalities, and c) it's one thing that makes sense in an otherwise falling apart world. Don't try and make it better, just be there for her.

Good luck.

findtheriver Sun 31-Aug-08 16:18:06

Vian, have been thinking of you and how your visit went. It must have been a very hard thing to do; I'm sure your friend was glad to have you there though. sad

slim22 Sun 31-Aug-08 17:52:26

same here.

Hope she has lots of family and friends around her.

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