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advice on reading poem at a funeral

(9 Posts)
MaryAnnSingleton Mon 25-Aug-08 19:34:17

thanks to DevilWearsPrimark on another thread I picked a lovely poem for my FILs funeral - my MIL loves it and said it really summed FIL up,which it does. I think now that I may be the one reading it - I want to but I AM SCARED - a) in case I mess up and b) cry.. any tips on how to do this ?
Also have the beginnings of a cold so will be snivelly anyway.

ilovemydog Mon 25-Aug-08 19:40:44

Type it out in bold 16 font.

Take it line by line. Deep breath. Next line. Deep breath.

And emotion at a funeral is not a bad thing...

Am sure you'll be fine....

But what an honor that you have been asked to read at your fil's funeral. means they all think you'll be great!

Madlentileater Mon 25-Aug-08 19:41:44

read it aloud in the bathroom (or anywhere private)- the you'll find out if there are any tricky bits.
when you get up to read, take your time. take a deep breath in and breathe it all out slowly. then start to read. good luck.

greenandpleasant Mon 25-Aug-08 19:41:49

oh I am sorry to hear about your FIL.

If you are asked to do it, you just will I think. I read at my Grandpa's funeral. was crying buckets up to the second before and wondering how on earth I was going to get up there and get through it and I just did.

if you're crying before you have to read: take loads of tissues as you can't speak properly with a snotty / teary nose so you can have a good blow before you get up there. take deep slow breaths before. also take a small bottle of water in your bag and have a couple of sips before you get up there, just to get rid of all the snot and tears and clear your throat.

if you think you're going to cry when you're up there, slow down. swallow and look into the distance / over everyone's heads. if you see other people crying it will probably set you off too.

practise it before and perhaps put a couple of marks in for pauses / breath taking.

if you really think you may lose it, tell the vicar / person doing the service and ask them to be ready to step in for you.

if you cry during it no-one will mind, they really won't. but if you do start sobbing and losing it, best to step aside than choke on through perhaps.

you will be fine. people just are - don't know how really. and if you think you can do it, it might be nice for you to volunteer to do so if others are reluctant. difficult if you are spouse or child to get up there. good luck.

tribpot Mon 25-Aug-08 19:44:23

I had to read at my grandpa's funeral many years ago. I was given no warning, told that morning, so had not even said it out loud, only practiced it silently in the loo.

I just tried to read it 'nicely', i.e. not with a massive outpouring of emotion in a manner resembling Cait Blanchett, just giving some meaning to the words.

I'm sure you'll be fine - make sure you rehearse and if you cry - well, no-one's going to say "oh my god - you CRIED at a funeral, are you insane?".

So sorry to hear about your loss.

MaryAnnSingleton Mon 25-Aug-08 19:45:53

thank you - I wasn't asked to read but I found the poem (yay to mumsnet !) and offered it to MIL for whoever wanted to do it,if she liked it. My BIL has said he'll read it if I don't feel able,but I feel I need to do something. Dh is reading something he's written which is very brave and a SIL is writing a poem (she is a singer/dancer so used to performing !) This is very touching and sums up how he was so I feel it'd be my tribute.

Spidermama Mon 25-Aug-08 19:47:24

Yes best let the odd snivel come out. Don't worry. They'll all be crying with you. Better to let some out than risk exploding uncontrollably.

Take your time. Also try to have a really good cry the day before the funeral. Sit on your own with a candle thinking about FIL and remembering him. It'll mean you've done a bit of your own private grieving which might take let some steam out, and also it might make you feel close to him on the day.

It can be tempting to forget to think of the person who has passed because there's so much to do to organise the funeral. So people have it bottled up and are taken by surprise when the surge comes on the day.

Best of luck. It's an honour to be asked.

Rolf Mon 25-Aug-08 20:05:12

I'm sorry about your loss.

At his mother's funeral, my cousin held a (not very sharp) safety pin in the palm on his hand and when he felt himself wobbling he gave himself a little jab. He did a fantastic eulogy.

MaryAnnSingleton Mon 25-Aug-08 20:47:00

thanks all..just felt the pressure was on as SIL wanted to know by today who is doing what - we've left it that either I will or BIL ! There'll be a microphone I gues,which might be alarming, hearing one's voice booming out !

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