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FIL died last night of cancer, advice on how to tell 7yo son?

(11 Posts)
shatteredmumsrus Wed 20-Aug-08 06:58:31

FIL diagnosed with cancer of the osophagus 3 months ago and has gone downhill so rapidly its unbelievable.We went to see him in hospital sunday but im really sad we didnt get to say goodbye. Me and his father are sepated but still on v good terms. My son was extremelt close to him and is going to be devastated. What do I say.Quck response please waiting for him to get up Thanks

geordieminx Wed 20-Aug-08 07:04:43

I think at 7 the closer to the truth the better, you cant really say much else?

stoppinattwo Wed 20-Aug-08 07:06:15

Oh shatteredmum I am very sorry for what has happened...

I think however you think to tell him it will be right, he is going to be very upset if he was close to his grandad. You will probably get upset telling him, but all of that is ok. Quite how you say it to him I couldnt advise as im not sure how aware of your fil's illness he knew about. Could his dad tell him maybe?, or both of you together?...is there a reason for just you to tell him straight away??

good luck XX smile

shatteredmumsrus Wed 20-Aug-08 07:06:29

Yes I am going to say that i need to tell him somethng very sad. You know gdad was very poorly. They couldnt make him better and he died last night. Then see what he needs from me, he might have a queston or just cry and need a hug. What else can you say?

shatteredmumsrus Wed 20-Aug-08 07:08:30

Spoke to his father early this mornng and he asked me to tell him. He is aware that gdad was v ill as we have been up to see him in hospital. Just didnt expect it to be so soon. I can hear hm getting up, here goes...Thanks

lottiejenkins Fri 22-Aug-08 13:24:09

Im a big supporter of Winstons Wish which helps parents and their children deal with bereavement.
www.winstonswish.org.uk/

shatteredmumsrus Fri 22-Aug-08 14:04:58

thanks. There were alot of tears and questions at first but he is getting better

Bluebutterfly Fri 22-Aug-08 14:08:54

So sorry for your family's loss of a loved gdad, shattered. It sounds like you are a very close and caring family.

shatteredmumsrus Sat 23-Aug-08 08:41:11

thanks all

onlyjoking Sat 23-Aug-08 09:00:34

sorry to hear that your FIL has died.
Kids deal with grief very differently from us, for us it can be all consuming for kids they experience pockets of grief they get upset and then move onto things as normal then revist it and ask more questions often very factual stuff when you are least eexpecting it, it is often hard to answer there questions as they are random and unexpected.
We told our kkids that daddy had bad cells that the doctors couldn't make better. You have to be honest with kids or they get confused, someone said to Ds sorry you lost your daddy, Ds then thought he could find his daddy if he looked really hard.

MummyDoIt Sat 23-Aug-08 09:13:31

So sorry to hear this. My dad died of the same cancer in November and DH is in the final stages. I have had to tell our two boys (age 3 and 4 when Dad died, now 4 and 5). Just be honest. Mine were told grandad was very poorly and the doctors couldn't make him better so he died. I said we were all very sad and I never tried to hide my tears from them. With DH, we're doing the same. They know Daddy isn't going to get better and will die and we've talked about how sad we will be and what we can do to remember Daddy. Much as we want to protect our children from sadness, it's a part of life and the best thing you can do is teach them that it's okay to feel sad and help them to handle it. Don't try to hide anything. They will remember and resent you for it, in the future if not now. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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