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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

1 2 3 4

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

heartbroken

100 replies

DecafArabica · 15/02/2005 20:27

Have just found out I have had a missed m/c whilst in hospital as an in-patient for an asthma attack. Drs have reassured me that the asthma/steroid drugs probably had nothing to do with it, that 1 in whatever pregnancies end in m/c anyway, and at my age there is a much higher m/c risk...
But I just can't get the image out of my mind, of that baby-shaped shadow on the scanner, lying so still. And now I have to walk around with a poor little dead baby inside me until Thursday when I have my operation. I don't think I can bear it. Please, someone tell me how you got through this. I can't stop crying and I want to be strong for DS who's been disrupted enough by me being taken to hospital with the asthma.

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ImuststopdrinkingBlossomhill · 15/02/2005 20:28

Hugs to you So sorry to hear your very sad news {{{xxx}}}

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vict17 · 15/02/2005 20:29

You poor porr thing

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motherinferior · 15/02/2005 20:30

Oh my love! I am so so sorry. Oh, that's absolutely tragic, I am so sorry, I wish there was something I could say.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Hulababy · 15/02/2005 20:30

Oh, I am so sorry

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Tinker · 15/02/2005 20:31

Oh no. Am so sorry about this

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bonkerz · 15/02/2005 20:32

There are a few of us on this thread

i had a missed mc 3 weeks ago and although im still fragile it has got easier. So sorry about your news but have a read of the thread and i hope it will help knowing we have all been through it and can offer you support. I know the thread has really helped me.

((((HUGS)))))

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Whizzz · 15/02/2005 20:32

So sorry to hear your sad news. I'm struggling to think what more I could say

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anorak · 15/02/2005 20:33

So sorry to hear your news. xxx

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marthamoo · 15/02/2005 20:33

I am so very, very sorry.

I think a missed miscarriage is particularly hard because you have no warning - I miscarried but mine was complete, so I knew in my heart it was over before I went for a scan.

Miscarriages are so dreadfully common - and I'm sure the doctors are right that your asthma medication had nothing to do with it - but that doesn't make it any easier. You don't have to be strong, you can and must cry. Is there anyone who can help you out with ds - up to and after Thursday because you will need to rest after a D&C.

Oh I do know how you feel and how hard it is - you have to give yourself time to grieve for your baby. You will never forget, but it will, in time, become more bearable. I really am so sorry (((HUGS)))

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beansontoast · 15/02/2005 20:34

lots of hugs
very very sad xxx

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sophie10 · 15/02/2005 20:34

My thoughts are with you

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Flossam · 15/02/2005 20:39

Oh, poor you. I remember your bonkerz thread. How sad. I hope everything goes as well as it can on Thurs, and that you have a speedy recovery. Not knowing what you had, but I do know that most if not all athsma meds are safe for use in pregnancy, so not likely to be the cause, I had athsma during preg and worked with a leading resp consultant. Please keep posting and let us know how you are.

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Flossam · 15/02/2005 20:39

Sorry, 43 and bonkers not you bonkerz.

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Yorkiegirl · 15/02/2005 20:40

Message withdrawn

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Wills · 15/02/2005 20:40

Oh honey I'm so sorry. I've had two m/cs now so I know how you feel. But I wanted to reassure you about the asthma side of things as well. During my third pregnancy I had a massive asthma attack during which I was pumped full of drugs all the while saying, what about the baby and being responded to "we're saving your life we're not concerned about the baby". Eventually some one with a little more intelligence worked out that if they could tell me baby was ok it would calm me down. I ended up in hospital for 2.5 weeks and on steriods for months after. Happily Lotte is now 18 months. I've gone on to have another miscarriage but I've never associated asthma and the drugs that they have to give with the possibility of miscarriage. So honey when you're over this awful awful agonising grief don't be afraid of asthma during another pregnancy.

All my best honey and I wish I could give you a massive hug because you really need it at this moment. As for being strong, I don't know how old your DS is but trust me its not a bad thing for him to know that adults and mummys cry too when they hurt.

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DecafArabica · 15/02/2005 21:00

thanks for all your messages. I just read through them with DH by my side and it really, really, helps to know there's people out there who've been through this--and especially those of you who've had asthma too and had healthy babies. I think there's a part of me that wants a logical, definite explanation, such as, it was the breathing problems, or it was the steroids. But, I may have to accept that it was something I shall never know.

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ionesmum · 15/02/2005 21:08

Oh how sad.

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hoxtonchick · 15/02/2005 21:37

really sad for your arabica xxxx

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Wills · 15/02/2005 21:42

Personally I've always found that the hardest bit to cope with - the unknown reason

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DecafArabica · 16/02/2005 09:45

I'm so glad I can post on here and share what I am feeling because I can't talk about it in RL without dissolving into floods of tears--have told friends to email or text rather than ring. Will I ever get the image of that scan out of my head?

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Twiglett · 16/02/2005 09:58

Oh Arabica

I am so sorry darling

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Twiglett · 16/02/2005 09:59

It really is NOTHING to do with the asthma .. I had it during last pregnancy and was on prednisolone .. there is NOTHING you could have done to prevent this

it is just so incredibly

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Angeliz · 16/02/2005 10:03

I'm so sorry to hear your news+++

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DecafArabica · 16/02/2005 10:07

Thanks Twiglett, I know you are right. After all, I've had asthma for years, and I had a healthy preg with DS. I'm feeling so many irrational things, like I should have gone to A&E much earlier and demanded stronger dose of prednisolone thn GP originally gave. And I could also tell that my body was straining for breath for so long (I had bronchitis 4 weeks), it must have been incredibly hard for it to try and make a baby at the same time...perhaps if it had happened in 2nd trimester I might have had more luck. And, I know it is irrational but I also feel like I was stupid and self-indulgent for wanting another baby at my age (43).

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dawnybabs26 · 16/02/2005 10:16

So sorry about your sad news DecafArabica.

((((((Big Hugs))))))

I understand just how you feel.
I had a missed miscarriage in november, it was my first pregnancy and I was completely in shock.
Mostly because the thoughts of a miscarriage hadn't even entered my mind, especially as no one in my family had ever had one before.

At first I couldn't talk about it, as I would just start crying.
But now I find it really does help to talk about it.
I don't cry about it too much anymore, but I do still think about it everyday.

I'm not sure you'll be able to get the images out of your mind (I still haven't) but I really do hope you'll find it easier to deal with as time goes on, and I'm sure you will.

Thinking of you, take care xxxxxx.