3rd trimester induction after finding out terminal fetal disorder

[sloveshockey12]

hi, I am glad to have found this site where people can relate (unfortunately) and not make judgements. I am 7.5 months pregnant and have just been told that our son to be Noah, has a terminal fetal disorder where there is no hope of survival. I appreciate reading stories that are shared by others to know I am not alone. If one chooses the route of immediate induction using vaginal misoprostol, I am wondering the process, affects/effects, speed of it working, discomfort, pain, average total amount of hours from start to finish, etc. I was told that you would be able to monitor the iv pain killer and wonder if this too has side effects and is it effective for reducing the pain significantly- or any other pointers to alleviate the pain. I would appreciate any feedback of your experiences with this. I did not have a good labour for my first daughter, who is fine, and am very nervous and want to prepare myself. As well, if there have been some parents or partners who had difficulty seeing baby after it was born, whether stillborn or while it was born alive and surviving for the few short hours or minutes? I am unfamiliar with how to check any responses. If you prefer to email me directly, I would appreciate it asap to my email [email protected] within the next day or so as we have to notify our doctor about our decision before I get too far along. thanks for sharing.

[thumbwitch]

have no experience to share with you but wanted to offer my condolences - for you.
God bless

[DillyTanty]

i'm afraid i can't help with your enquiry but i wanted to offer my sympathy over your sad, sad news. i hope that things go as peacefully as possible. Noah's a lovely name, i hope your few moments with him bring you comfort.

[AbstractMouse]

Sorry don't have any experience, just wanted to offer my sympathies. Must be a horrible experience to go through. So sorry for your loss.

[expatinscotland]

I'm so sorry, sloves.

Please try bumping this in the morning, too, as more folks will be around.

[Evenstar]

I am terribly sorry for this awful news that you have received, if you feel able perhaps you could post in Health as there may be some medical people there who could answer some of your questions. So sorry for your loss, and hope that someone will be able to share their own experience and help you soon.

[asmuchasiloveyou]

[1dilemma]

sloves I can't help you with this either, someone will be along soon who can. I just wanted to say how sorry I am for you and your family
God bless little Noah

[charleymouse]

So sorry sloves for what you are going through.
I found ARCs publications a help, I'm afraid I can not send them to you as I handed them to my midwife after I gave birth but they may be worth a call. They give you a series of factual information on what happens.
www.arc-uk.org/publications/publications.html

I'm afraid I can't advise re the labour as I had an emergency section but I suggest you take all the pain relief you can get, there are no medals for bravery here.

I held my baby boy whilst he died and it is heartbreaking, the one thing that shocked me though is how long he took before he was clinically dead. I kept saying I think he is gone now and they checked his heart with a stethoscope and said no he is still alive. I then felt awful for thinking he was dead.

If you think you can cope I would recommend holding Noah and getting a photo of him with you. Hopefully your hospital will offer you lots of support and advice, they took hand and foot prints and cut a lock of hair for me to keep.

On a practical note you are entitled to child benefit for Noah and many funeral directors offer reduced rates for babies funerals, your hospital may even arrange it for you.

Please take care and I hope you get through this as best you can. Love Charleymouse

[DillyTanty]

so sorry for you and your boy too charleymouse, i can't imagine.

[feedmenow]

Sloves, I am so very sorry to hear that you are going to lose Noah, and so very sorry that you are having to go through this.

I cannot relate exactly to your situation but my dd2 was stillborn in March.

I think in your op you are asking about being induced as opposed to waiting for labour to begin naturally (correct me if I am wrong.....).

When I found out my dd had died I was induced with gel. It took a long, long time as my body was obviously nowhere near ready for labour (despite being 39 weeks pg). I had the first lot of gel around 1am and another lot 6 hours later. By 4pm (so about 15 hours later) I was only just dilated enough for them to break my waters. Another 8 hours after that I was only 2.5cm. 4 hours later I was only 3 cm. Then 45 mins later I was 10cm. In this time I tried to get by on just gas and air (I know others say take all the pain relief you can, but for some reason I just had not wanted to divert too far from my birth plan ) but in the end because it was taking so long I had pethidine and then an epidural. My daughter was delivered under the effects of the epidural, but I was mobile so able to change position. Although she was stillborn, I still feel some degree of pride over her birth.

I do not know what it is like to hold your baby as he or she dies in your arms, but I know that I never had any doubts about seeing and holding my daughter after her birth. I still wanted the same things as I would have done with a living baby - to hold her as soon as she was born, to see her fingers and toes, to have her weighed.

However you chose to go with this, my advise would be to take all the time you can with your son and to make sure you have lots of momentoes. We have quite a few pictures but it still does not feel like enough. I am grateful for the hand and footprints but wish she had had enough hair so that I could have kept a lock. And I also think that if I'd had time I would have liked one of those hand or foot mould kits. I know it is hard, but try and get pictures of you and your son, your dh and your son and both of you together with him. Not sure how old your dd is, but it was important to us to have a picture of dd2 with all of us including dd1 (9) and ds(6. Also, on the subject of photos, I remember one of the midwives taking a picture for us and saying to me "try to smile". At the time I was shocked by this, but now appreciate it as it means we have what I can consider "nice" pictures IYSWIM?

I don't know if my post will have answered any of your questions or if it will give you any thoughts on how it will be, but I really hope I have been able to have been of some small help.

xx

[lottielousmummy]

Sloves, My Heart goes out to you.

We had to face a similar ssituation when we where told at 20 weeks that AJ had fatal detfects and were advised to terninate as he wouldn't make full term.

Induction isn't pleasant especially when you feel that the situation is futile.

All i can say to you is the same as feedmenow - Take lots of momentoes - photos, hand and footprints, lock of hair.
Hold Noah for as long as you need to and then some more. We where very lucky as the hospiital put myself and my husband in a family room once aj had been born and they left AJ with us, so he was by our side until we were ready to leave him.

Thinking of you and hope that you draw strength from those around you. x

[sloveshockey12]

thanks for those who have responded so far. I appreciate your input. If there is anyone who has experienced the induction process and can comment, that would be appreciated too. thanks so much.

[thumbwitch]

I think you'll see that feedmenow had an induction in s aimilar situation to yours.

I was induced at 42 weeks (but with a positive outcome) and it took 3 pessaries and about 20 hours before things really started moving. After that it was another 9 hours before my DS was born. The stage 2 labour was very fast, about half an hour. I was using hypnobirthing techniques early on and later had a shot of pethidine which made zero noticeable difference. The MW who delivered my son said that sometimes the dilation can happen really quickly in inductions (I went from 1cm to 10cm in the last 2 1/2 hours). When i was asking for extra pain relief they told me that induction + epidural is much higher risk of needing further intervention such as forceps, ventouse or C-section.

[Lol80]

Firstly I wanted to say how sorry I am for your news. You must be devestated, life is so cruel sometimes. I found out at 22 weeks that my little boy (who I am pregnant with now) has a condition called hypoplastic left heart syndrome. I was given the option to terminate because it is one of the most serious congenital heart defect there is, its not curable but they do offer palliative open heart surgeries to extend life (the surgeries carry a very high mortality rate though). Me and my husband made the decision not to carry on but when it came to it I was too weak to go through with the termination. I am now teriffied of what the future will bring and worry about my baby suffering through surgeries only to die when his heart fails anyway. I think you sound increadibly strong and I can tell you what I discussed with my doctor regarding the induction. I think you are given a tablet and sent home for around 24-36 hours to prepare your body. Then as far as I am aware you are given some pessaries of gel to start your labour. I was told that you would be given any pain relief you wanted as your body would not be ready to give up the baby. As I said earlier I have not been through it myself but have every admiration for women who do to save their baby suffering. My baby now has a very incertain outcome, which terrifies me. I am in touch with somebody who has just been through this and her labour lasted 17 hours (I think it varies though as normal labours do). My thoughts are with you.

[Pruners]

Message withdrawn

[constancereader]

I am so sorry to read your post.

I found out that my son Laurie had a terminal illness at the 20 week scan. We opted for induction but my experience I think would be very different from yours as I found out much earlier. I was given a great deal of pain relief simply to help me through the situation mentally - it seems that this is quite unusual though judging from other people's experiences.

It took about twelve hours and two pessaries to start my labour, which then lasted about two hours. I remember very little of it.

I was apprehensive about seeing my son, but when the time came it seemed the most natural thing in the world to hold him.
My husband and I spent the night with our son. The hospital took his footprint and handprints and lots of photos.

Again, can I say how sorry I am that you have lost your baby.

[Chooster]

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through sloves and I'm guessing I'm too late to help with my experience, but if not here is what happened with us.

We found out our son had a condition called multiple lethal ptergia which is fatal so we decided to opt for an induction when I was 6 months pregnant. I visited the hospital to take a tablet then was allowed home for 24 hours and then had to return for the next stage. I was given another tablet and pessary. I was advised that it could all kick off after the first one as your body had been prepared but for me I needed another dose. The contractions started very soon after the second dose and I then had a 7 hour labour. I'd given birth before (DS1 now 4) so I knew what to expect but I was surprised about how much it hurt this time. I think much of this is due to the stress and awful emotions and the tension. I had painkillers and then asked for some pethadine which I had about 30 mins before my waters broke and DS was born. He was still born and I just couldn't look at him straight away. The midwife who had given us privacy came and took him away and then brought him back in all clean and with a little hat one and wrapped in a blanket. The staff were incredible and left us alone with DS, who we called Henry, for as long as we wanted. We chose not to hold him as he was so small and his body was full of fluid because of the hydrops associated with his illness but we took photos and we chatted to him . Leaving without him was so so hard... He had a post mortem as his condition is very rare so we had to wait about 2 weeks for the funeral.

We were visited by the hospital chaplain and we had a funeral with just me and DH there which is what we wanted. The funeral was free of charge and we were looked after very well. We chose 2 readings and put a teddy in the coffin with him. It was heartbreaking but it actually felt good to be doing something to put him to rest. Its not for everyone and people choose what is right for them but I would think about it if you still have the choice.

I'm being fairly matter of fact about the whole process here but as you'll know it is a minefield of emotion. It took a while to come to terms with what had happened as I was very reluctant to talk to anyone about it, even DH. I've since put all Henry's things (scan photo's / blanket he was wrapped in etc) in a baby box which I still look at. I've since had another DS and DH has bought me a beautiful necklace with 3 stones on, signifying the birth stones of my 3 boys. Its just my way of remembering him and the fact that I've had 3 sons even though when people ask I have to say 2.

I'll get in touch with you on e-mail as well but I really hope you are doing OK. I am so so sorry that you are in this position.

[mum2jai]

Sloves - I'm probably way too late but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I'm sorry too for the others who have lost their babies.

We lost our baby earlier and in different circumstances. In June we found out, at 5 months, that our baby had died. This was 2 months ago. We too had to go through the induction process. I had a pessary at about 10.30 and then tablets every 4 hours or so. I think, in fact, I had Misoprostil but I'm not sure.

My labours tend to be very quick when they've started (this was DC4), but it took ages to start - about 10 hours - and then it lasted only half an hour or so and Jai was finally born at just before 9pm. My labours because they are quick are usually very painful. The anaesthetist recommended that I have morphine rather than the IV drip or an epidural. I started to feel labour pains and they were fast and furious (but as I say mine usually are). They very quickly gave me morphine and I have to say, I thought it was the right pain relief to have had - I knew when to push and (sorry if tmi) they could manipulate him to make the birth easier but I couldn't feel any pain.

But it was so hard - before the morphine kicked in, I felt my mucus plug go, and my waters break and I felt him descending - just leaving me - and I was heartbroken.

He was very, very small and had been dead, of course, before I gave birth to him. But we were able to be with him for as long as we wanted that evening and the day after.

It was awful having to make decisions about PMs and funeral directors when you are going through labour but I hope you have a bereavement midwife. Ours were amazing. One of them had personally had 5 losses like mine and it meant such a lot to have such fantastic support. My obstetrician was also wonderful (she's a friend of the family though, so that wasn't a surprise).

The funeral directors were also great - they were so understanding even when I couldn't make myself understood because I was crying so much . DH and me were the only ones to go to Jai's funeral and he just held me as I disintegrated.

This is the most awful experience I've ever had (and we've had some terrible family bereavements). I feel for you so, so much and I hope you, your DH and DD get as much support in RL as you need.

Look after yourself. I'll be thinking of you.

[NicMac]

So very very sorry, thinking of you and baby Noah.

[sloveshockey12]

I want to thank everyone who has shared and given support. on aug. 27 my water unexpectedly broke at 30 weeks. 3 hours later, without any induction or pain killers, Noah was born only 1 hr after arriving at the hospital. Sadly, he had passed away a few days before without our knowing. We were due to go to the hospital for a big meeting with all of the specialists on the friday, but never had the chance. God and Noah along with my wonderful husband helped me through this time. My cramps and physical labour pain only occured for 45 minutes before the birth. The nurses and doctors and us were so surprised at how fast the birthing was considering I was only 30 weeks and had no induction to speed things along. We had some special time to spend with Noah and had a beautiful blessing read by the Chaplin. Now we are taking each day slowly.

[ClairePO]

I'm very sorry sloveshockey

[MadamAnt]

sloves - I am so very sorry you lost Noah. Wishing you much strength.

[theheadgirl]

Sloves - sending you love, and am thinking of you and little Noah. Wishing you strength for the days to come.

[snooks]

oh sloves, am wishing you peace and strength to come to terms with the loss of your son Noah xxx