my dad died last week and my 8 month old will not sleep

(9 Posts)
janx Fri 15-Aug-08 19:57:53

I am so exhausted - my 8 month old has always been a poor sleeper - and I have bf him to sleep. Now i am trying to deal with my grief and he will not settle - I am up 3 or four times in the night. I also have a little girl who is almost four. Luckily she sleeps - I am almost insane with lack of sleep - I alternate between feeling angry and sympathy...I just don't know what to do. My partner helps with letting me have a sleep when he can - oh and its my birthday today - I feel so all over the place

OP’s posts: |
EffiePerine Fri 15-Aug-08 19:59:30

Are you co-sleeping? If not, could you try for a few weeks to give yourself a bit of a break?

janx Fri 15-Aug-08 20:04:21

I am sort of co- sleeping, but he won't settle early evening. I have never really been able to sleep with the baby in bed. i lie awake worrying I am going to squash him - or end up with about two inches of bed space for myself. Do you co-sleep? Do you have any practical tips?

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AnybodyHomeMcFly Fri 15-Aug-08 20:05:28

Sorry for your loss Janx and not surprised you are exhausted. Grief is very physical.

Your DS must be getting enough food during the day so what happens if you just leave him? I realise this probably sounds simplistic but just wondered if you had tried it.

Sounds to me like you are risking proper nervous exhaustion in which case letting DS cry himself to sleep would be a better option imo.

Or could your partner give him a bottle of EBM?

janx Fri 15-Aug-08 20:13:55

He screams his head off - my dp is in the bedroom with him at the moment. I am finding it very hard him crying. He won't take a bottle - I might have to take him out in the car soon

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barnsleybelle Fri 15-Aug-08 20:19:59

My symapthy to you... This is a horrible time for you right now..

I know it's hard to do, but have you tried controlled crying? If you stick at it rigidly and remain consistant it only takes a few days to sort. You do have to be firm though to get results.

I'm just thinking that, a week or so of hard work will be difficult, but at least you may get to a point where you can get some time to grieve.

My brother died 2 weeks after ds was born and it was the hardest time of my life.

I'm a believer in getting them into their own rooms after a bedtime routine and letting them sleep there.

My thoughts are with you and i really hope you find a way of getting through this awful time x

EffiePerine Fri 15-Aug-08 20:31:19

DS is now 22 months but we co-slept from 6-15 mo and it def saved my sanity (he was waking every couple of hours ALL NIGHT). Tips? I had one of those bed guards and DS would either sleep between me and DH or between me and the bed guard.

Personally I think 8 mo is a little early to try CC (we did with DS at 15 mo) but I think you need to do whatever helps atm.

Oh and he didn't settle in the early evenings either, I just ended up going to bed with him at about 9.

janx Fri 15-Aug-08 20:41:04

We were trying the pick up put down thing about a two months ago - slept in the front room for a week - it was working a bit and then we went away on holiday. Since my dad went into intensive care - everything went haywire. I can't do controlled crying right now - I feel too woobly. The not settling in the early eve even with boob is quite recent and I am sure he is picking up on my stress. Dp has just taken him out in the buggy - a last resort. We keep to a routine - but he is all over the place as we spent a week in Ireland (where my dad died) and did not stick to a routine

OP’s posts: |
EffiePerine Fri 15-Aug-08 20:44:39

maybe go with the flow for now. Really, anything that makes your life easier. Can you catch a nap during the day, or curl up with your DD on the sofa for a bit?Try ditching the routine and come back to it in a few weeks when things have settled down a little.

Plus he might be having a growth spurt: I post this link a LOT but there is a lot of truth in it IME

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