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losing my mum

(14 Posts)
drjoannac Thu 14-Aug-08 19:39:55

New on here, and hoping for some support. My mum was rushed to hospital a week ago, after collapsing at home, and has had a massive bleed on her brain. She has been unconscious up until today, when she opened her eyes. The doctors do not think it is a good sign, and that she is likely to pass away sometime soon.
Am finding it all so hard. My dad and brother are relying on me to support them, and all I want to do is cry - but can't. my lovely baby boy is keeping me going, as is my husband, but I can't help feeling so utterly useless.
Am spending every day at the hospital - and missing seeing my son which is also really hard. Am sad to think my baby will not remember his Nanny.

objectivity Thu 14-Aug-08 19:43:38

I'm so sorry to hear this. How old are your mum and ds?

drjoannac Thu 14-Aug-08 21:47:58

Thanks - Mum is 62, and ds has just turned 1 a few weeks ago. We had a little party, and she was there for that - but hard to believe it was only a few weeks ago.

cathcat Fri 15-Aug-08 00:47:57

You have my sympathies, I am going through something similar. My dad is in a high dependency unit and was seriously ill earlier in the week. He is improving now but the long term prospects are not good.

I have not cried either, I think it is a survival mode that you switch into. Don't feel guilty about it, these emotions will come and doesn't mean that your feelings for your mum are not there. I think our brain helps us feel a bit numb to help us get through it.
Feeling useless - I think that is a given as on the sidelines there is not much we can do except be there for loved ones.
At another time you can make a photo album for your DS for photos of his nanny; not the same as her being there but will help you talk about her to him perhaps.
You must let people support you, your dad and brother must pull together and you are not responsible for supporting them. Maybe that is your natural role in the family so they expect you to be the same but try to be honest with them and keep communicating. It is a hard time for you all and so heartbreaking. Don't put extra pressure on yourself is what I am saying.
All best wishes and come back and tell us how you are getting on.

drjoannac Sat 16-Aug-08 19:56:00

mum died this afternoon at 2pm. she died peacefully with her family around her. Thank you both for your messages.

cocolepew Sat 16-Aug-08 19:59:18

Sorry for your loss.

JonahTakalua Sat 16-Aug-08 20:00:27

I'm so sorry for your loss, drjoannac. sad

ninah Sat 16-Aug-08 20:00:29

so sorry

Nbg Sat 16-Aug-08 20:02:12

So so sorry
sad

eandh Sat 16-Aug-08 20:05:12

so so sorry, thinking of you and your family xx

suedonim Sat 16-Aug-08 20:18:12

I'm so sorry. sad It's a bad day on MN, someone else has just lost her mother too. sad

lilyloo Sat 16-Aug-08 20:22:55

So sorry it must be such a shock sad
I lost my mum quite quickly but i make sure i keep her memory alive in my dc's even though they don't know her.

lisabartandmaggie Sat 16-Aug-08 20:26:14

So sorry to hear what has happened to your family. Lost my own mother to cancer 12 years ago, so know something of the pain you feel. I felt like my guts were being ripped out.
But (like mine) your mum died in a warm bed, with her loving family around her, the end that we would all choose, if we could. So take comfort from that. Being with my mum right at the end is one of the most precious (and saddest obviously) moments of my life.

I wish you all the best x

cathcat Sat 16-Aug-08 21:23:24

So sorry to hear that, I was hoping things might have turned out differently. Glad it was peaceful.

Yesterday we were told to expect the worst this weekend, but he has had a better day today, but it is one day at a time.

Big hug for the week ahead.

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