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Memorial Sevice

(12 Posts)
MABS Tue 05-Aug-08 19:16:29

Tomorrow i am attending the memorial sevice for one of my best friends, he died very suddenly in Feb aged just 41. I know this is selfish, but am dreading it We are going to the grave after the sevice and I just feel awful about it,tho I have been there many times to see him in last 6 months.

It would have been his birthday tomorrow, so we have been asked to come in an upbeat mood, but i just can't get positive. Feel really bad and very upset about his death all over again. And i just don't know what's appropriate to wear.

I do realise i am being selfish and self indulgent, but i feel awful

objectivity Tue 05-Aug-08 19:20:20

I bawled at the funeral of a very young friend who died in tragic circumstances. I felt bad as the mourning felt somehow self indulgent but I couldn't help it.

Go thinking positively of him, and if that makes you fall apart (I hope not) then let it be the true expression of your feelings and don't feel bad about it at all.

I'd guess the dress code isn't Black given the birthday vibe. Go in smart stuff. In fact,go as if you were going to his party.

Poor you. It's awful to lose anyone but when they are so young it is heartbreaking.

feedmenow Tue 05-Aug-08 19:25:56

So sorry to hear that you have such a cr*ppy day ahead of you.

I would feel inclined to wear something smart/casual but maybe base it on the type of person he was? Nice thought about going as if it was his party. x

Try not to worry about how you'll react tomorrow. I'm sure everyone there will be going through the whole range of emotions and nobody will be thining any more or less of anyone else if they can't manage the positivity the whole time.

Try and use the day for what (I think) it is supposed to be for - to remember him, to remember the great man he was and to remember all the happy, good, fun, sad, meaningful times everyone had with him. You'll probably find that although you will feel great sadness, you will gradually start to feel lighter as you think of him as he was and as you all share your memories.

MABS Tue 05-Aug-08 19:27:40

thank you, am sitting here crying as i read your kind and very true words. many thanks

objectivity Tue 05-Aug-08 19:37:00

Aw,MABS. At said friend's funeral, we were all very teary at the cremation but afterwards- although still upset - we all managed to enjoy chatting together about our memories and it was lovely to speak with friends from his childhood who added a whole new dimension to my thoughts and memories of my dear friend. It was cathartic and bonding and very, very helpful in terms of my own personal grief process.

You will, I am sure, feel good for being there and I hope come away feeling a little...healed. Your presence will mean the same to others there.

MABS Tue 05-Aug-08 19:38:45

yes i agree Objectivity, that was the same as we were at the funeral, tho it was my first burial as it were. sure you are right.

lottiejenkins Tue 05-Aug-08 21:09:26

Will be thinking of you tomorrow MABS... i love this poem by Joyce Grenfell which i think is about summing up a good life....

If I should go before the rest of you,

Break not a flower, nor inscribe a stone,

Nor, when I'm gone, speak in a Sunday voice,

But be the usual selves That I have known.

Weep if you must:

Parting is hell,

But life goes on

So...sing as well!

cathcat Tue 05-Aug-08 23:14:32

That poem was used at my friend's funeral. sad The previous posters are right, the group spirit will help you get through it. Often you find when one person is overwhelmed, another person is strong and vice versa. best wishes.

Ellbell Tue 05-Aug-08 23:19:54

Had to go to a similar thing recently (someone who died tragically young). One thing that helped was to take some photos as a trigger to remembering and talking about happier times. I am so sorry for your loss, MABS, and I hope that tomorrow is bearable for you and for all his friends.

MABS Wed 06-Aug-08 07:29:09

many thanks

MABS Wed 06-Aug-08 20:47:38

it was 'ok' xx

feedmenow Thu 07-Aug-08 16:38:26

MABS. Thats good. OK is good. xx

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