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What makes a good Eulogy?

(17 Posts)
spudmasher Tue 29-Jul-08 11:43:21

I am writing one for my dad's funeral and I have very little experience of these things.
From what I can gather doing a search it should about the person's life and how they touched the lives of others yes? I was going to start at the end because his illness and how he dealt with it needs to be mentioned then I was going to do a bit about his early life, a bit about his career and achievements, a bit about his family, a bit about his social life and end up by talking about his granchildren. Am I on the right track?
Do you thank people for their support or anything like that?

spudmasher Tue 29-Jul-08 11:51:05

.

Olihan Tue 29-Jul-08 11:56:02

I think what you're planning sounds about right, that's what we did for my GPs' funerals. AFAIR we didn't thank individuals but did say a general thank you for all the love and support we'd had while they were ill.

Sorry you're having to do this.

spudmasher Tue 29-Jul-08 12:00:26

Thank you.I feel ok about doing it. Better than having an impersonal ceremony. That would make me really annoyed.Just don't want to mess it up and embarass myself!

cathcat Tue 29-Jul-08 18:11:48

hello Spudmasher, has your dad passed away? Sorry if that is a stupid question, I remember you talked about your dad being ill in a earlier thread. So sorry for your loss and your mum's too.
Well done for doing this. Make sure you have it written down clearly so you can just read it without worrying, or if it all gets too much someone else can take over.
My dad ill too now sad but trying to be positive.

spudmasher Tue 29-Jul-08 19:58:03

Yes, he died peacefully at home on Friday night.But we are all ok and all together.

Sorry to hear about your dad. Staying positive is so important.I am often around if you want to chat about youe dad. Feel like a bit of an expert at the moment!

Waswondering Tue 29-Jul-08 20:01:30

Sorry for your loss. Fil died last year and his was a "lovely" eulogy - a close family friend did it, and was able to bring the essence of him into it, raising a smile from the congregation and a nod of "yup, that's what he said!" type thing. There was humour (appropriate) and a palpable sadness that he was gone.

I don't know if that helps at all.

All the best, x

spudmasher Tue 29-Jul-08 20:06:19

That does help thank you. That is exactly how I want it to be. Quite hard to write it though. Have done a couple of paragraphs now.

Califrau Tue 29-Jul-08 20:10:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cmotdibbler Tue 29-Jul-08 20:14:20

I went to the funeral recently of someone who had been ill for a long time. Her husband had written a letter to her about how they had met, their courting days, marriage, their daughter (who tragically died in her early twenties), and about the music and poetry they shared together. It was truly beautiful, and was a lovely way to put it all together

Blandmum Tue 29-Jul-08 20:14:31

I wrote and gave dh's. I'm glad that I did

Write it out and read it aloud a few times, to give you an idea of the time it will take, you'll be surprised how much time it actually takes to say it out loud.

I read it several times to help to calm be down before the even, and I didn't actually 'read' it on the day, I talked around it. you might want to ask specific people if there is anything that they want to say, and you can read their words....this helped to reduce the hightened state of emotion for me a little.

I also put in some funny stories, because dh was a funny guy. We all laughed and we all cried. People we kind enough to say that I had done him proud, and that gave me a great deal of comfort.

Have a stand in on call if it all gets too much

spudmasher Tue 29-Jul-08 21:03:26

Good idea about asking people MB. I have just phoned my uncle and he wants to contribute a bit so am seeing him tomorrow. Thanks.

lilyloo Tue 29-Jul-08 21:08:42

For my mums we started off with
name to us she was a mum and briefly told what she was to us
then a wife and my dad gave his input
then a daughter which my nan gave her input
sister etc
This seemed to flow well we then acknowledged how much she was loved from the fantastic turn out to her funeral etc.
This seemed to flow quite well
sorry about your dad sad

Elasticwoman Tue 29-Jul-08 21:56:35

A good eulogy concentrates on the person who has died and tells every one interesting things about their life and death, concentrating on what they did well and memorably.

After my dad's funeral I emailed his eulogy to relatives overseas who couldn't make it in person.

Evenstar Tue 29-Jul-08 23:25:55

MB makes a good point about having a stand in we had a seperate typed copy for the vicar so he could take over if it was too much for the person reading it.

cyteen Wed 30-Jul-08 13:23:50

Yes to having a stand-in at the ready in case you can't do it on the day - send them a copy in advance so that they've read through it and are prepared. I'd also add: print it out in a bigger font than you'd normally use, so it's easier to read if you get a bit teary or your hands shake; practice reading it out loud several times, and speak much slower than you think you need to - I had to make myself slow right down when reading my brother's eulogy but to everyone else it sounded 'normal'; on a similar note, breathe, breathe, breathe! Take slow deep breaths, note the points at which they particularly occur. On the day, don't worry if you need to stop a moment and take a deep breath to get yourself together, before, during or after the speech.

I'm so sorry for your loss Wishing you the best for a peaceful day.

spudmasher Wed 30-Jul-08 14:15:16

Thanks all. Great advice.

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