please wish us luck

(15 Posts)
youcannotbeserious Sat 19-Jul-08 16:39:42

i finally got DH to open up a little about his DS who died. We aregoing to visit the grave tomorrow... I've been withDH for 10 years and have never been. DH has been once.

This has come up as we now have a DS aged 2 months and DH's feelings are back,,

I've ordered some flowers which i think i'll sign from my DS... is that ok? DH isn't good at emotions, so i thought DS would be a better bet....

please keep us in your thoughts. DH is struggling with DS and i think the key is his dS who he lost....

His DS died before i knew him so odd position for me but am hoping i'm doing hte right thing...

OP’s posts: |
BetteNoire Sat 19-Jul-08 16:43:52

The flowers from your DS is a very good idea.
All the best for tomorrow.
It will be an emotional trip for you both, and I hope your DH finds himself able to open up about how he feels.

cocolepew Sat 19-Jul-08 16:45:52

It's better for you all that his DS can be spoken about and remembered. He is your DS's half brother. Wishing you luck x

youcannotbeserious Sun 20-Jul-08 11:59:22

We're not going now. DH is refusing to go. I think it's too hard to deal with just now. Maybe when our DS is a little older?

I've told DH that I will support him no matter what, so will not push him to go.

OP’s posts: |
Hannah81 Sun 20-Jul-08 12:12:07

his DS is in his heart, maybe lighting a candle next to his photograph may help.

youcannotbeserious Sun 20-Jul-08 12:14:46

I'm going to take the flowers to our local graveyard and light a candle in the local church tomorrow.

I don't know where DH's sons grave is so can't take them there...

Not sure what else I can do? Asking his Ex about this is totally out of the question but I am close to his mum so could perhaps talk to her.

OP’s posts: |
MaryAnnSingleton Sun 20-Jul-08 12:17:16

I wouldn't push him - wait until he feels ready...perhaps as you say put flowers in local graveyeard and light a candle in church. sad

triplets Sun 20-Jul-08 21:53:01

You could perhaps ask him if you could go alone? That way he will know that you really feel for him and need this little lost boy to be a part of your life too?

triplets Sun 20-Jul-08 21:54:27

There should be somebody at the cemetery who could look up the plot number for you.

youcannotbeserious Sun 20-Jul-08 21:56:56

I don't really feel it's acceptable for me to go without him. He won't want me to go alone.

He knows I'm there for him. He knows that.

OP’s posts: |
triplets Sun 20-Jul-08 22:06:10

Would, or has he tried counselling? My husband wouldn`t when our son died, but it does help others.

youcannotbeserious Mon 21-Jul-08 09:47:02

I don't think he would, No.... He's never considered it before, as far as I know... And, logistically, it wouldn't happen anyway. (he works away Monday to Friday)

OP’s posts: |
youngbutnotdumb Mon 21-Jul-08 09:52:02

Well if you are going Goodluck YCBS.

I think it's great ur supporting ur DH on this matter he obviously didn't get/want anything beforehand.

Either way this is ur little DS's half brother and you should all be able to talk about him when DS is older.

youcannotbeserious Mon 21-Jul-08 09:56:10

Thanks, YBND.....

I'm going to pick up the flowers but I'm going to take them to our local graveyard and light a candle there.

Not sure there is anything I can do.

DH knows I'm here when or if he wants to talk about his DS and I have good relationships with his DDs (my DSDs).

I don't feel this is something I can force right now. I do think it's having a bit of an impact on his relationship with our DS but I think it's something I'm just going to have to deal with for now and maybe try again when our DS is abit older.

OP’s posts: |
windygalestoday Mon 21-Jul-08 22:03:23

aww hun i just replied on your other thread your dh is badly affected by this and the new baby has rekindled lots of feelings hed pushed away.

we lost my mil 2 days after our ds2 was born and dh was v worried he felt like hed 'swapped' his mum for ds.

you sound really lovely and understanding but i think bereavement and grief can sometimes be quite a 'selfish' emotion so you need to be aware that sometimes things might hurt you unintentionally.

i hope your dh is able to come to terms with it all soon and appreciate his blessings xx

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