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Book recommendation for explaining death of loved one to young children please?

(14 Posts)
dizzydixies Thu 17-Jul-08 23:36:37

am sorry if this is wrong place to post this but it seems that my mum's very brave 6yr fight against several cancers is coming to a close soon.

She is being very well cared for in a lovely hospice and is not in anymore pain which we are all grateful for BUT my dd who is 5 wants to know when she'll get better sad

dd2 is only 2yrs so fortunately too young to know whats going on but dd1 will have some understanding and as she is such an avid book worm I was hoping someone would have a suggestion for me?

we're not a deeply religious family, she will have a church service (which the kids won't be attending I think) and a burial but I'll want the kids with me afterwards and I want dd1 not to be too confused by it all - if that makes any sense?

thanks in advance for any help/advice/tips you can give me

Tinker Thu 17-Jul-08 23:38:00

I'm sorry about your mum. Badger's Parting Gifts is very good on this.

dizzydixies Thu 17-Jul-08 23:39:17

thank you tinker, I have no experience in this for dds so want something to give me some guidance

Evenstar Fri 18-Jul-08 00:27:11

I would second "Badger's Parting Gifts", especially in a situation where someone is old and frail or has been in poor health for sometime. Hope that helps.

hazygirl Fri 18-Jul-08 07:06:07

the day the sea went out and never came back,i got this when jayden my grandson died 2006,to read to my grandaughter who was 3 then,it helped us

geekgirl Fri 18-Jul-08 07:10:43

and forever" is a beautiful children's book on the loss of a loved one. My mum died of cancer last year and ds (4) could always see the parallels between what happened and this book - for ages he'd want to read it at least once a day.

geekgirl Fri 18-Jul-08 07:11:34

woops, somehow cut a word off - it's Always and Forever

BreeVanderCampLGJ Fri 18-Jul-08 07:12:25

Waterbugs and Dragonflies

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

'Look!' said one of the water bugs to another, 'One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you suppose she is going?' Up, up, up it went slowly. Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return. 'That's funny!' said one water bug to another. 'Wasn't she happy here?' asked a second water bug. 'Were do you suppose she went?' wondered a third. No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled.

Finally one of the water bugs, the leader of the colony, gathered its friends together. 'I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where she went and why.' 'We promise', they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water, and had fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings. The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly.

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by, the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chancd to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs!. There they were, scurrying about, just as he had been doing some time before. Then the dragonfly remembered his promise: 'The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why'.

Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly he could no longer go into the water. 'I can't return!' he said in dismay. 'At least I tried, but I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what happened to me, and where I went'.

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air.

iBundle Fri 18-Jul-08 07:17:07

I'm really sorry about your mum

Just before my dad died I explained to my daughters (then 3 and 6) that he wouldn't get better - and that he might look/behave differently (we went to see him in hospital a couple of weeks before, he'd lost a lot of weight, had pneumonia and Alzheimer's disease) so they wouldn't be too shocked when they saw him.

when he died I told them about what would happen to his body (he was cremated) - that he didn't "need" his body any more and he wouldn't feel any pain. both girls came to the funeral - they were sad but I'm glad we chose to do this as I felt that anything they saw wouldn't be as confusing/frightening for them as their imaginations could be.

we read books like Goodbye Mog and also looked at photos of my dad with them/my mum. It's a tough time but I think being open is the best way to deal with children, in an age-appropriate way.

much love, xxx

lottiejenkins Fri 18-Jul-08 08:24:50

This is a good book.... ou
Also do contact Winstons Wish for advice they are excellent too...

Spatz Fri 18-Jul-08 11:40:45

We like Michael Rosen's 'Sad Book'
beautifully illustrated by Quentin Blake

dizzydixies Fri 18-Jul-08 13:13:41

thank you all so much

WingsofaAngel Fri 18-Jul-08 15:02:25

Dizzy When my dad died I told the boys 5 and 7. Ds2 didn't really understand at the time.
I told them that Grandad had died and that it was ok for them to be sad and sometimes Mummy might be sad. I also sad it was ok to be happy and that they should think of all the good times with grandad.

They seemed ok during the day but night time they would cry.

We still talk about him now and how they miss him etc. It is now 14 months on for us.

My deepest sympathy to you all I hope you find strength for the times ahead. xx

dizzydixies Fri 18-Jul-08 20:48:47

thank you wings

I think am going to order a couple of books so I have them here to start with

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