Hi
My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer 5 years ago and has had surgeries and all the treatments since - surviving quite a long time for lung cnacer. Anyway just before xmas we found out is terminal now and past few weeks he has really gone downhill. I just don't really know what to do when he does die - should i take my kids (6,4 and 2)to the funeral (he will be cremated)? DS was only 15 months when he was diagnosed and we have always been open with all of them about why Grandpa gets tired sometimes, can't play etc . We are a non religious (scientific) family and have always been honest in telling our kids about everthing eg where meat comes from and always answered their questions openly although obvioously putting it into context a small child will understand. Apart from the logistics of finding sitters for them when the time comes , I don't think i could leave them as they will be upset too and DD2 is 2 and a demanding toddler. Certainly DS 6 and DD1 4 are very close to their Grandpa and Granny and i think it would be easier for them to understand he is gone if we take them. They know Grandpa is very ill and not going to get better and we have spoken about him dying too. We have had pets who have died and as children are they do ask the usual blunt questions which again we have always answered in a non religious matter of fact way. i am not saying i am going to be totally non spiritual about it though. I would really appreciate any thoughts anyone may have as it is not a subject i feel i can discuss with my mum as she has enough to deal with and DH although been wonderful in his way is a typical man and finds it hard to communicate and emphathise especially as his family are all very non emotional (he writes best wishes on emails to his folks for goodness sake!)
feel awful as we just returned from holiday yesterday to news Dad is worse and had Mum very upset on phone and i feel i am turning into a shouty angry mum and taking it out on the kids
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My dad terminally ill - how to tell my small children and should they go to funeral- anyone been in similar?
10 replies
cjsausie · 16/07/2008 15:48
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