Talk

Advanced search

DH's mum died last night...

(12 Posts)
WilfSell Mon 07-Jul-08 20:43:43

He is getting through. A bit numb I think. I would appreciate any suggestions for how to help him.

And if anyone knows of any good poetry about grief, loss etc, I'd be grateful: he often turns to poetry in times of need.

Thank you.

differentID Mon 07-Jul-08 20:48:59

Does he ever listen to muisc at all? I lovethis

pinkyp Mon 07-Jul-08 20:55:27

So sorry to hear your news, just let him talk as much as he wants or doesnt want to. He probabily wont be thinking straight so make sure you do things such as inform his work, contact any family, make sure you've both had something to eat even if its just a little etc. Hope you are ok too?
Sorry i have no poetry but if you type it into google there are a few links you may find usful.

WilfSell Mon 07-Jul-08 20:57:22

thank you, that is lovely, perhaps when he is ready he will listen

feedmenow Thu 10-Jul-08 21:19:38

Wilfsell, so sorry for you and your dh.

Last year I bought my dd1 Michael Rosen's "Sad" when her great grandma died, but I find myself reading it myself sometimes for my own grief (my dd2 was stillbown a few months ago). I don't know if you are familiar with it, but it offers quite a simple way of looking at death and, for some reason, manages to offer me a little bit of comfort.

Pavlovthecat Thu 10-Jul-08 21:22:30

My mum had Desiderata by Max Errman hanging on her wall for many many years. I read it out at her funeral.

Its very poignant, and beautiful.

I am sorry for your DHs loss. My thoughts are with him, and with you too.

Mercy Thu 10-Jul-08 21:27:49

Can't help on the poetry front I'm afraid but just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about dh's mum

BoysAreLikeDogs Thu 10-Jul-08 21:37:15

Wilf, I am so sorry for your loss sad

he is gone my bro read this at my dear dad's funeral, the words can be for a man or a woman
(turn off the awful twinkling music on that link)

Elasticwoman Thu 10-Jul-08 21:49:01

Your dh may like to search out photos of his mother from years ago, and perhaps write down some memories, or record on tape for the use of whoever is going to do the eulogy at the funeral.

Bad idea for dh to do the eulogy himself, probably. A too-near relation is likely to break down.

Poetry: not many poems from son to mother spring to mind, but there is one from mother to (unborn) child by Sylvia Plath: You're
which is in Ariel.

hf128219 Thu 10-Jul-08 21:54:01

I have always loved this poem:

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die

daffodill6 Thu 10-Jul-08 22:13:03

So sorry for all of you esp him

This may help

IF I SHOULD GO BEFORE THE REST OF YOU
BREAK NOT A FLOWER NOR INSCRIBE A STONE.
NOR SPEAK IN A SUNDAY VOICE,
BUT BE THE USUAL SELVES THAT I HAVE KNOWN.
WEEP IF YOU MUST, PARTING IS HELL,
BUT LIFE GOES ON SO SING AS WELL.

There is another I can't immediately find - will repost when I do

daffodill6 Thu 10-Jul-08 22:19:04

Found it- this meant huge amounts to me when my Mum died... and I still think its wonderfully comforting

Death is nothing at all...
I have only slipped away to the next room...
I am I and you are you...
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak it to me in the same way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone,
Wear no false air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect, without the ghost of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident.

I am but waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner.
All is well.

Henry Scott Holland 1847 - 1918
Canon of St Paul's, London

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now