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Widows and Widowers of Mumsnet Unite. Time for a bit of support.

(235 Posts)
Yorkiegirl Mon 30-Jun-08 00:32:09

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solodad Mon 30-Jun-08 02:16:56


I'm Solodad, I'm 15 months in to this journey.

My DW died from asthma, leaving me to bring up our 2 wonderful boys who are 4 and 2 now.

Yorkiegirl Mon 30-Jun-08 09:45:59

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solodad Mon 30-Jun-08 18:32:25

Hi Yorkiegirl, I am not a member of WAY, but maybe I should consider becoming a member of my local group in Somerset.

I read and occasionally post on the MW and WH sites, which I was directed to by Mummy2TandF after posting on this site.

cyteen Mon 30-Jun-08 18:36:27


I'm not a widow but am likely to lurk on this thread, as my lovely SIL is sadly a widow after being married to my brother for just one short year (together for seven). I often wonder about the best way to support her and worry about how she's feeling, knowing I can't possibly understand, so I hope it's okay if I pop in from time to time to get the perspective of others who share her horrible situation.

My eternal best wishes and condolences to you all. Sorry if I have put my foot in it, tis not my intention

Yorkiegirl Mon 30-Jun-08 18:37:21

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Yorkiegirl Mon 30-Jun-08 18:38:55

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Blandmum Mon 30-Jun-08 18:45:04

the first time I was confronted with 'Widow' was when I went to register dh's death. It was like a stab to the heart.

Funeral is on Wednesday

Mummy2TandF Mon 30-Jun-08 19:10:59

Hi all,
I am Mummy2TandF and I am now 10 months into this horrendous journey. My DH passed away suddenly from SADS in August 07 and I am now bringing up our ds who is 3.7 and our daughter who is 19mths alone.
Yorkiegirl - you have been an insperation to me and proof that I can get through this.
Solodad - you too and as well as a support you have proved to be a good friend too - thank you to you both. Lets hope we can all support each other through this thread, great idea Yorkie

marmon Mon 30-Jun-08 20:13:50

Hi, I am 5 years into this journey, my dp died of a brain aneurysm whilst i was 5 months pregnant with our first child together. My life has changed dramatically from that day really and things were never the same. I have a new man in my life and feel blessed that i have him but that does not stop me thinking about and loving Ray. Only the other day i really wanted to talk to him and felt very sad. However time does move you along and i am so proud that we have a beautiful boy who is so like him in everyway and he lives on through him. You never get over losing the love of your life but you just adapt and he lives forever in my heart. I think this support thread is very important not only for the widows/widowers but there families.x

Yorkiegirl Mon 30-Jun-08 20:28:29

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katz Mon 30-Jun-08 20:34:12

i'm just popping in to second what Yorkiegirl has said about the WAY foundation. my MIL was instrumental in setting it up and it is a rather wonderful legacy she has left behind (she sadly passed away 3.5 years ago)

onlytheone Mon 30-Jun-08 22:20:10

Hello everyone. Have not started a thread but I have been a widow for just 7 weeks tomorrow. My DH was newly diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago when I remember reading and following Yorkiegirl's ordeal. The phone has now stopped ringing and I this is the start of a painful recovery and adaptation to a different way of life. My DH was the love of my life and it took a while to find him and to have our DD. I do not want a "new life" and want him to be still talked about. Thinking of MB on Wednesday.

Evenstar Mon 30-Jun-08 22:25:26

My dh passed away on 26 June and the thought of being a widow was strangely one of the first things that hit me, I too cannot bear the thought of putting it on forms for the rest of my life sad

Yorkiegirl Mon 30-Jun-08 22:52:37

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onlytheone Mon 30-Jun-08 23:10:43

I know exactly what you mean! Think I will do that from now on.

throckenholt Tue 01-Jul-08 07:25:06

hugs to you all. I have seen it from the other side - my dad died when I was 18 - he was 42, mum was 43.

My only advice is take it one day at a time and expect to be upset by odd things. And you set the tone - if you talk about them, then others will - if you don't they won't for fear of upsetting you.

I was widowed 8 years ago on the 29th June, so although not fresh I hope I can offer support to anyone currently going on this journey at the moment.

DH1 died from cancer (non-hodgkins lymphoma) at 34years old.

Buda Tue 01-Jul-08 10:11:31

I think this is a great idea YG. Just so sad that you have to do it. Sad that there are so many of you now and at the same time good that you can all support each other.

Will be thinking of you on Wednesday MB. Have been wondering how you and the children are doing.

(Hope none of you mind me butting in.)

Mercy Tue 01-Jul-08 10:16:16

Agree with throckenholt. Similar situation too , my mum was widowed at the age of 45 and I was 22 (younger siblings though)

"The phone has now stopped ringing" onlythone, I remember the hardest bit for my mum was when family and friends started to get back to their usual lives whereas she had to start a new one.

Hopeoverexperience Tue 01-Jul-08 14:39:48

I was widowed 14 years ago. My DH also had non-hodgkins lymphoma - he was just 26 when he died. My life has moved on in that I have remarried and have a wonderful dd who is 6.My grief after all this time is clearly not as raw & painful as it once was however I can still be very much caught unaware by my feelings.Happy moments can sometimes be so "bitter sweet" as DH1 never experienced certain things eg a child of his own and all that brings. I still feel so terribly sad at his loss.
Sending love and best wishes to all on this journey!

Hope I'm with you on that one, I think you move on rather than 'get over it'. I have also remarried and have a DD with DH2 plus another on the way. But I also feel so sad that I never had a chance to have a family with DH1 as I would love to have seen him 'carry on' if you like in his children. I still think of him every now and then and the experience has shaped the person I am today but the rawness has gone.

Bundle Tue 01-Jul-08 15:04:10

what a lovely idea for a thread (though obviously wish there wasn't a need for it sad)

I'm not widowed but might pop in now & again to see how you all are smile

Yorkiegirl Tue 01-Jul-08 19:22:53

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RubyRioja Tue 01-Jul-08 19:36:21

I won't claim to be a member of your 'club', god willing. But I do remember my mum losing my dad, who was certainly her soul mate and seeing just how impossible it was for her.

I just wanted to wish you all well and hope you manage to look after yourselves a bit.

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