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i miss my Mum soooooo much

(120 Posts)
lulu2 Fri 13-Jun-08 00:10:25

My Mum died of breast cancer 4 years ago and yesterday i was busily shopping in sainsburys when i caught a glimpse of a lady and i so thought it was my Mum. It only lasted for a split second and i knew it wasn't her but it has been on my mind ever since.
Has anyone else experienced this? or am i going mad. The weird thing is i wasn't even thinking of her when it happened.
I felt like i couldn't tell dp cos he would think i was losing the plot but i told him this evening as it's been bothering me today.

Tortington Fri 13-Jun-08 00:13:32

my mum died last year

i am sorry for your loss.

ithink its completley normal to be a little fucked up with regards to these things -even if its for a few seconds.

BoysAreLikeDogs Fri 13-Jun-08 00:14:06

Awww lulu

3 years since I lost my dear Dad - I still see him, a turn of the head, a pair of blue trousers, the back of some gent, and it catches my throat.

You are not going mad, lulu, I feel like our minds are doing a kind of wish-fulfilment thingy smile

I am so sorry for your loss

BoysAreLikeDogs Fri 13-Jun-08 00:14:40

You too, custy sad

AbstractMouse Fri 13-Jun-08 00:44:54

Yes whenever I go back to M'Bro, there are loads of ladies who look exactly the same from the back, makes my heart stop for a second. Also that woman out of eastenders erm Wendy Richards?? is the absolute fecking double of my Mum, I can't look at her.

Actually I think she is a couple of years older than my Mum and concieved in the same place, maybe I should harass her for aunt duties? She is honestly the complete double of my Mum (maybe my grandad was a bit of a shagabout lol)

sykes Fri 13-Jun-08 00:56:02

I miss my mother terribly and see old ladies who make me cry. They remind me of my mother so much and I wish so badly I had loved her more.

mum2taylor Fri 13-Jun-08 10:52:29

My mum died two years ago from a brain tumour and used to love Chanel No5 perfume....I absolutely hated it and now whenever I smell it, it is the most beautiful smell in the world to me!

I still have the some in a bottle that was hers. (((((((((hugs)))))))) for you lulu.

nickytwotimes Fri 13-Jun-08 10:55:41

Sorry to all on this thread who have lost a parent.
I lost my Dad 3 years ago and still 'see' him from time to time. It is completely normal. You are not going mad.

bonkerz Fri 13-Jun-08 10:57:07

my mum died 3 years ago and its so hard. I miss her every day and see her out the corner of my eye too.
On holiday there was a lady who looked like my mum, i found myself staring and smiling all the time at her, she either thought i was rude or mad!!
My DD was born after my mum died (i was 24 weeks pregnant when she passed) and my DD has started to say her name is MAGGIE (my mums name), which it isnt and we dont use my mums name we call her nanny apple!

beeny Fri 13-Jun-08 10:58:41

Lost my mum in early twenties was very very close cant bear not to have her around.Have even said to husband have to soft with our daughter as she doesnt have a mum forgot im her mum.

rey Fri 13-Jun-08 11:00:33

So sorry lulu2 and everyone who has lost a precious parent. I have to keep reminding myself how lucky I was to have a wonderful mum because mine poor mum passed away still so young. For me it finally became easier though I never thought it ever could but I still miss her every single day. Talk to your dp you never know my dh actually shocked me when I opened up by saying he was really worried as I thought I had been hiding it really well. I got a gp appointment and didn't need pills but got help to help me get along. You too may need time just to talk non-stop to someone who can just listen.

ivykaty44 Fri 13-Jun-08 11:00:42

I am sorry for your loss and your not losing the plot, all normal feeling.

My mum died 10 years ago this year and I still miss her, not all the time. Silly really but missing her so much today, most of the time I am fine. My mum wore knowing by estee lader and I love the smell smile makes me smile

I have seen woman in the street and thought........

I try to think of all the lovely times we shared together and this makes me smile through these moments.

geekgirl Fri 13-Jun-08 11:13:05

I'm sorry lulu I'm sure it's a normal thing to go through though.

I lost my mum 6 months ago and sometimes dream that I see her in town - we hug but she says that she has to keep going and looks around at me as she gets 'moved along' with the throng of people

I do find it hard to see other people's mums - particularly those who resemble my mum a bit - skinny women in their 50s with short hair.

lulu2 Fri 13-Jun-08 16:39:47

thanks all, it helps to know i am not completely losing the plot.
I think it is partly wishful thinking but also if there is some physical resemblance like you said geekgirl. My Mum was little, in her 50s with short hair too... there must be more of them around than i thought. lol.
I do feel that i can't talk about how much i miss my Mum to people cos they will feel i should be over her death now as it's 4 years ago.
Has anyone had any bereavement counselling?
I don't want counselling i want my Mum.

Rolf Fri 13-Jun-08 16:48:39

You're perfectly normal, Lulu. My mum died 12 years ago and I still miss her. I had bereavement counselling not long after she died and it was helpful in that it gave me a regular outlet - so I was less likely to dwell on it and go on about it the rest of the time.

mum2taylor Fri 13-Jun-08 16:54:22

Ive not had counselling and dont have any brothers or sisters to confide in and have found it extremely hard....I still dont think i have come to terms with what has was really sudden as well...she was diagnosed with a brain tumour when and then died four weeks later so I still cant believe she wont be coming back. This little poem sums up my feelings really....

They say memories are golden, well maybe that is true. I never wanted memories, I only wanted you. A million times I needed you, a million times I cried. If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died. In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still. In my heart you hold a place no one could ever fill. If tears could build a stairway and heartache make a lane, I'd walk the path to heaven and bring you back again. Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same. But as we are called one by one, the chain will link again

ellceeell Fri 13-Jun-08 17:02:18

It's been 4 years since my mum died and although I cope most of the time, I still occasionally think "I must tell mum that". And I often dream and mum is alive in my dreams - in the present day - so it is a shock when I wake up and remember.
Sympathies to you lulu2

southeastastra Fri 13-Jun-08 17:09:20

my mum died about 9 years ago now, and if i'm really worried about something i find she comes to me in dreams. weird isn't it

geekgirl Fri 13-Jun-08 20:03:37

yes, I had 6 sessions of counselling and it was extremely helpful. Even though dh has always been very supportive, the extra outlet and input made a lot of difference. I got it free on the NHS - only 6 sessions, but TBH that was sufficient.

fruitstick Fri 13-Jun-08 23:05:00

I agree with everyone on here. My Dad died when I was in my early 20s and my mum died 4 years ago. I often dream about them both, especially when I have decisions to make.

When I was on holiday a very kind lady sat my DS1 on her lap so I could eat my dinner in peace. He looked so contented there I burst into tears! The poor woman must have thought I'd gone mad!

Counselling is very useful and you should be able to get a couple of sessions free. They don't cure anything, just help you come to terms with how you are feeling and find ways of dealing with the shitness,

I find myself getting very grumpy whenever my friends' mums move in for a fortnight to help out with the children, especially when they complain about them! I feel terribly bitter and resentful at times but then manage to pull myself together.

I feel better for getting that off my chest!

lulu2 Sat 14-Jun-08 20:23:15

i know what you mean fruitstick.
My dd was 6 months old when my mum died and she was the best granny in the world and i am grieving for the gorgeous relationship she is missing out on.
it gets worse as dd gets older and my mum is not here to see her doing things like being Mary in the nativity or to help me with the costume.
My dad died 7 yrs ago so my friend jokingly calls me an orphan but i suppose its true.

I am not this miserable all the time but feel like i can open up here.

jovigirl Tue 24-Jun-08 09:47:31

My mum died just over 3 years ago and like you I sometimes see someoen who looks so much like her.
I find Mother's day, birthdays etc really hard, I hate walking past all the cards, bought one a couple of years ago and felt a bit foolish blush

hatjam Tue 24-Jun-08 16:50:12

oh dear - my mum died just two weeks ago tomorrow. i feel like i'm going nuts.

toratora Tue 24-Jun-08 16:55:45

So sorry for everyone who has lost a parent. My mum died nearly 4 years ago and I still miss her so much. There are times that only your mum will do. I get so sad when I think about how much she would have loved her granddaughters - she never met dd2 as I was only 7 weeks pregnant when she died. sad

I get really jealous of friends who are close to their mums, especially when their mums stay and help them out. It is really tough and just when I think I am getting somewhere I seem to go backwards again. sad

jellyrolly Tue 24-Jun-08 17:07:57

This is a stage of grieving - when you think you see someone who has died. I think it's the recognition stage. When I lost my mum, I was walking her dog and the dog went nuts jumping and wagging her tail; when I looked she had seen a woman walking away with the exact same hair.

(That sounds even madder, I still do it too.) So hard when you have your own babies and your mum is not there to see them.

I went to a bereavement group, it was very competitive though! Quite useful but I think one to one counselling would be better as it's so personal.

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