The Sunflower Thread for bereaved mummies. For Gareth and Matthew - only a whisper away

(1001 Posts)
shabster Thu 12-Jun-08 14:30:02

Hello my new friends.

Come in, pull up a chair and have a gab smile

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shabster Thu 12-Jun-08 14:47:35

Can I just say - FMN - I am so honoured to take the baton from thrilled that you want to carry on our lovely circle of mums.

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lottiejenkins Thu 12-Jun-08 15:06:51

Hi Shabs, am glad to join the Sunflower thread!!

shabster Thu 12-Jun-08 15:28:57

Lottie - come here and give us a belly bump sweetheart grin

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lottiejenkins Thu 12-Jun-08 17:37:06

there we go!!! Have just been shopping and booked myself a smart haircut half price for next week! After our trip to the zoo on Saturday it may well turn into a colour session too because i will probably be grey!!!

shabster Thu 12-Jun-08 17:39:53

My hair is getting wonderful grey streaks in!! I look like a skunk.

Gave DS a photo today - in it is DH holding Gareth - Daniels twin. It looks just like my son with Lewis. Apart from the odd 1980's clothes DH has got on.

He admitted that every time he looks at Lewis he remembers exactly what his twin brother looked like. smile and also a bit sad

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LouiseAnn Thu 12-Jun-08 19:23:10

Wow, on a new thread already. I like the new title.

I have gained a lot from this thread and its predecessor. Thank you to all my friends here. smile

Doobydoo Thu 12-Jun-08 20:19:25

Lovely titlesmile

feedmenow Thu 12-Jun-08 20:20:02

Lovely title Shabs! I just knew you wouldn't drop the baton!!
What you said about Dan and lewis looking like your dh and Gareth - I imagine it a bit like Life on Mars in that the picture is the same people but in a timewarp!

Lottie, are you planning anything new and exciting for your hair? Or does it just deserve a decent cut? I really ought to consider getting mine done soon, seeing as it's been 8 months now since a pair of scissors went near it shock......actually, that's quite normal for me, so I don't know why I added the shock emoticon hmm

My friend went through Eris PM report and emailed me his "translation" and opinion. I basically pretty much got it right, what I thought it was saying. There were numerous clots in the placenta, of varying ages and sizes. It would seem that they had hindered eris' growth, hence her being only 5lb 13oz. However, there was one thing he couldn't answer for me and that was whether the clots would have caused any long-term damage or brain damage had there not been an acute episode that killed her. I think he was basically saying it was possible, but that without further info on the brain then he couldn't say. He reckons I could question the pathologist further but I don't feel it is necesary. I just kind of wanted to know. He did make me laugh a bit though. I'd asked him why the pathologist would have noted that Eris had "full cheeks". I wondered if it was possibly a sign of something like Downs. But my friend said she just had chubby cheeks, and that the pathologists have to comment on anything they notice and that if Eris had had a big nose the report could just as easily have said "she has a big nose"!!

Anyway, other stuff. Registered the pregnancy with my GP today. Am a bit confused cos my bereavement counsellor (at the hospital) said he (my GP) could refer me to the EPU for an early scan. But my GP said the EPU only see people for pain and/or bleeding. So he has just requested I get an early scan in the normal US dept. However, he did say that if I am really concerned I could always call the EPU myslef and claim severe pain or bleeding. Have discussed with dp and I think I might just call EPU tomorrow and explain my situation honestly and see if they can see me next week. I just hope my honesty doesn't work against me!

Went to see Sex and the City last night. Nwver really watched the series much, but I really enjoyed the film. A good girl-power giggle-a-minute kind of film.

Right, am off to tidy up, get children to bed and veg out in front of TV.

Oh, one last thing. I have put on 7lb since before my holiday - could it be twins???? My dad is one of identical twins, dp is one of triplets (he is an identical twin and the third boy, I think, was fraternal {he was, sadly, still born)) and my eldest brother was a fraternal twin (his sister, our sister, was deprived of oxygen at birth and died just before their 4th birthday, about 2 weeks before I was born. I know its only the fraternals that are hereditary, but quite a lot of it in the family. And 7lbs FGS!!!!! Either twins, or I've just eaten far too many delicious Greek dishes!

lilyloo Thu 12-Jun-08 20:23:08

FMN i often lurk to see how your doing and wanted to send you my congratulations and best wishes on your lovely news.
smile to all you other ladies too

brucelovesfrumpygrumpy Thu 12-Jun-08 20:23:12

<<fg pops in to leave a big tray with a large pot of tea, a big bottle of chilled white wine, a little apple juice for Shabs, some Tunnocks Tea Cakes, some Monster Munch, some olives and a bowl of cashew nuts>> There! Pleased you have a group going, I wish you all many happy hours/days/months/years of chat.

dippymother Thu 12-Jun-08 20:50:28

Hi ladies, so pleased to have found you, brilliant name for the new thread Shabs!

FMN - hope your friend's translation of the PM report has at least answered some of your concerns. It is helpful to get valuable information though, sadly, it doesn't always answer everything. I am sure if you explain your situation honestly to the EPU, they will see you for an early scan. My hospital looked after me pretty well, with extra scans and appointments etc, just to make sure I was happy. There was probably no real need as I hadn't lost Adrian at birth, he was 8 months old when he died, however the hospital knew how scared I was, and how precious my second baby was to me, so I think they humoured me! Also I had a caesarian with Adrian and was likely to have another one, and there are only so many times the hospital like to do caesarians (my hospital prefer a max of 3). Best of luck with your phone call tomorrow!

fg - many thanks for snacks and good wishes!

mumonthenet Thu 12-Jun-08 21:33:30

shabs, am so glad to see your thread though the title is lost on me, think I must be missing something. grin

Last saw you when Lewis was born the other day and was touched at how his birth brought back your two sons to you. Which is how it should be.

Babies are the link between the past and the future, aren't they?

shabster Thu 12-Jun-08 21:56:32

mumonthenet - just wanted the title to mention something connected with my two sons and the biggest link is sunflowers - Matt just loved them. Both boys had smiley faces just like sunflowers. smile

I have been asleep since half way through Emmerdale grin and I am still knackered. So glad you all like the title.

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triplets Thu 12-Jun-08 22:28:26

A bright and sunny uplifting title just like you Shabs! We must all learn to more, as the years slip by I realize that it is something I have not done enough of, better they watch us smiling than crying xxx

shabster Thu 12-Jun-08 23:21:03

Thanks Trips - I cant stop grinning - still blown away that FMN handed me the baton. Also chuffed to bits that Eris brought us together and we will all be together for as long as we need to - with each mum getting the chance to name a new thread. FMN that was inspired my love - OMG I can feel a snog coming on - its ages since I snogged your DP. Right here we go <<shabbs wipes her sweaty, menopausal moustache>> - big snogs to FMN DP - awwww poor lad grin

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lottiejenkins Thu 12-Jun-08 23:30:47

Hi all, just got back from a fab evening in the pub with mates, apparently the falling in the water email(from wilf) was slightly overdramatic, he was running down the pontoon, slipped fell in and in his words"tim saved me up"!!!!! h also told me that his "pants and trogers got wet"!!!

shabster Thu 12-Jun-08 23:36:54

Glad you had a good night LJ - wilf sounds so funny - I have never asked you before and I hope you dont mind me asking now - does he go to boarding school? Wherever he goes he sounds like he is having the time of his life. Sorry for being nosey. xx

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shabster Thu 12-Jun-08 23:52:07

OK my loves - I am off to bed. It has been an amazing week. Speak in the morning. xxxx

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lottiejenkins Fri 13-Jun-08 07:49:17

Morning all.... Yeah Shabs he goes to the school for deaf children in Margate, its a brilliant school!!grin

shabster Fri 13-Jun-08 07:52:19

Morning girls - Morning LJ - he certainly sounds like he is enjoying it smile give him my love xx

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lottiejenkins Fri 13-Jun-08 07:59:59

We are off to London Zoo tomorrow morning with his friend Kerry..........

throckenholt Fri 13-Jun-08 08:05:01

it makes me very odd seeing this thread title - they are the names of my brother's boys.

Anyway - my best wishes to both of you.

shabster Fri 13-Jun-08 08:21:29

Girls - a lady from one of the other threads thinks she shouldn't post here. She has the awful experience of loosing her brother. I thought she could maybe help us all. I thought she could give us an idea of how the death of our precious children affects their siblings? I think that our children are traumatised by the death of their brothers and sisters and someone who 'has walked that crappy path' could really help us out. Would appreciate your thoughts about it.

I told her that Eris' thread is welcoming to anyone who is struggling with their bereavement - anyone who needs a shoulder and a listening ear.

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cyteen Fri 13-Jun-08 10:24:27

Hiya shabs I know it isn't me you're talking about, but I have lost my brother - he died last year aged 34, of a rare type of cancer. I've followed Eris' thread largely without posting because, as you say, the grieving have such a lot in common no matter who they have lost. Many times I've read things that you brave ladies have posted and it's rung so true about how I feel, but I haven't wanted to post because I thought maybe the situation being different meant I shouldn't...

Anyway, I love how you all remember each other's children and talk about them. Simon was such a special person; my family is quite small and complicated (mum died when we were teens, lots of conflicted relationships blah blah blah) and Simon was just everything to me. I feel so lost without him and sometimes it's hard to know who I am now that I'm an only child. He was my big brother and always looked after me, then when he was ill I did everything I could to look after him, but it wasn't enough

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