Should dd come to funeral service with me?

(13 Posts)
redclover79 Sat 07-Jun-08 12:59:42

my aunt has just died and it is her funeral on tuesday. I'm leaving the 2 ds's at home with the in laws. dd is only 8 weeks old and as I will have to travel down and stay over night I'm not happy about leaving her for that long! I've just spoken to my mum as my sd just told me she's organising childcare on my behalf, apparently there's someone in the village with young kids who might look after dd. obviously I'm not happy with this as I was imagining my grandparents neighbours or someone I (or my mother) knew! I talked to my mum and said I might bring dd to the service in a sling and sit towards the back in case she starts crying. I thought this would be the best compromise but apparently I have to sit at the front with the family. would it be acceptable to sit at the back? would it cause offense? I'm so confused!

OP’s posts: |
ajandjjmum Sat 07-Jun-08 13:01:10

I think it would be understandable for you to have such a young baby with you.

Sorry about your Aunt.

madamy Sat 07-Jun-08 13:02:33

I'm sorry but there is no way I would leave my 8 week old baby overnight, and I certainly would not contemplate a stranger looking after her!
IMO, it's perfectly reasonable to sit at the front with her in a sling or in a car seat on the floor. Funerals don't last very long after all.

Aero Sat 07-Jun-08 13:02:38

I would just bring her in the sling, sit at the front with your family and if she does cry, then just slip out quietly through the nearest door to sort her out. I think at eight weeks old though, she'll most likely be asleep.

redclover79 Sat 07-Jun-08 14:58:31

thanks for your replies, I think I will take her with me in the sling and make a swift exit if necessary! I wasn't sure if I should sit at the front in case I interrupt everyone...

OP’s posts: |
IndigoMoon Sat 07-Jun-08 15:00:27

the last funeral i went to there was a four month old there. it was fine. main problem was it was my friends dad and everyone who could babysit was at the funeral. i think she found her a source of comfort.

redclover79 Sat 07-Jun-08 20:08:44

indigomoon- that's the problem, everyone I know down that way is going!

OP’s posts: |
unknownrebelbang Sat 07-Jun-08 20:12:53

Take her with you.

I took DS3 to my aunt's funeral when he was 3 1/2 months old. We did sit at the front, and luckily he slept through, but if he hadn't, my family would have understood, and I'd have made a quick exit.

Elasticwoman Sat 07-Jun-08 23:15:19

Take her with you.

I took dd1 when she was 3 months to my aunt's funeral. It was a Requiem Mass, so very long. I sat at the back breastfeeding and then took dd out afterwards (she was colicky and always made a lot of noise after a feed).

Before the service I was approached by a nun and a priest wanting to make sure I was all right, warm enough etc so I don't think I was causing them any offence.

My mother was shocked afterwards when she learned I had been bf the baby in church, but she got over it.

lvandljmum Sun 08-Jun-08 23:16:05

I took my toddler to a great aunts funeral - she clapped after the soloist sang and then very loudly demanded hula hoops!! I was mortified and very embarrased until the end when I was told how much Aunty had loved children and how she would have been thrilled that I had taken her etc...I think it very much depends on family but no one will mind you taking an 8 week old and their presence will just reinforce the whole `circle of life` thing.

jammi Thu 12-Jun-08 13:19:35

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jammi Thu 12-Jun-08 13:19:38

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Tommy Thu 12-Jun-08 13:28:31

I went to a funeral at sat at the fronmt with DS2 when he was 10 weeks. He slept through most of it TBH. You are an adult presumably so you don't need someone to "organise child care on your behalf".

Just take the baby with you, feed her when you need to (going to back of church if you feel more comfortable) and feel glad that your baby will probably make people feel better

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