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my friend's baby just passed away

(36 Posts)
nammythom Sat 15-Jan-05 03:10:25

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kinderbob Sat 15-Jan-05 03:19:37

Oh nammythom, my sympathies to you and your friend.

GRMUM Sat 15-Jan-05 06:34:56

Nammythom that is so sad for your friends family and for you. From what I've read on other threads just being there, listening and talking to your friend about sam will help. Hugs

sparklymieow Sat 15-Jan-05 06:44:37

I am so sorry, I have been through this myself, when my friend lost her baby at 4 months old. Hope you managed to get some sleep.

Yorkiegirl Sat 15-Jan-05 06:56:49

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pixiefish Sat 15-Jan-05 07:05:59

hugs to you and your friend. how life shattering for them

KatieinSpain Sat 15-Jan-05 08:20:55

TBH, I have never posted on such a serious thread but Nammythom, you are what your friend needs. You just have to be yourself and be there. You don't have to worry too much about getting it right - it's obvious from your post that your friend couldn't have more caring support than yours.

I am so sorry. It is such a hard time - words can't describe it and don't seem adequate.

I hope you get some sleep and lots of real cuddles to help you through. Hugs.

Blossomhill Sat 15-Jan-05 08:23:24

nammythom - That is so sad I am so sorry for you and your poor friend. Hugs ((((xxxx))))

Marina Sat 15-Jan-05 20:00:56

NammyThom, I'm so sorry to hear about Sam's death from meningitis, what a tragic shock for you all. I've been there too, my best friend's first baby died at seven months, and although he had been ill from birth and spent much of his life in NICU we were all devastated when he died. Later on, they were so wonderful to us when our second child was prematurely stillborn.
Katie is right, a caring friend like you who genuinely grieves for Sam's death will be much appreciated. Don't be afraid to talk to her about him or to listen when she wants to talk. So many people mistakenly think that raising the subject of a dead child will "make things worse" or "remind them of their loss". You never forget a dead child, and nothing can make it "worse".
As Sam died in hospital, I would hope the staff have been caring and supportive and know to refer your friend to SANDS and the Child Bereavement Trust. These two excellent support services can also help friends of families affected by a child's death - you can ring their helplines on your own behalf as well as your friend's.
The picture you paint of their dear boy tearing around in his walker will make all of us cuddle our babies a bit tighter tonight. Now and in years to come, the fact that you knew and loved and grieved for Sam will be a big support to your friend when others will start to forget him. Massive sympathy and hugs to you all. XXX

Hulababy Sat 15-Jan-05 20:05:34

I am so sorry (((hugs)))

PuffTheMagicDragon Sat 15-Jan-05 20:09:27

So very sorry to hear this .

makealist Sat 15-Jan-05 20:09:33

pinkdiamond Sat 15-Jan-05 20:11:25

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Spacecadet Sat 15-Jan-05 20:57:20

oh god, how truly awful for your friend and her family...., this has made me want to pick my 6 month old dd up and cuddle her soo tightly....

MattyMoosMum Sat 15-Jan-05 22:26:36

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I agree from personal experience of losing my own child that it helps when people talk openly about the child who has died instead of trying to avoid the subject. Your friend will need all your support over the next days, weeks, months and even years. Sharing your own memories of Sam and what impact he made on your life will help your friend know that Sam touched the hearts of many and will be loved and remember fondly. I send my heartfelt sympathy to you and your friends family.

ThomCat Sat 15-Jan-05 22:29:59

Oh god, what on earth can I say, so terribly, terribly sad to hear that

tillykins Sat 15-Jan-05 22:32:18

I'm so sorry - words can't say how heartbreaking this is for all concerned
I would give your friend a hug and just let her know you are there

scaltygirl Sat 15-Jan-05 22:34:03

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ja9 Sat 15-Jan-05 22:37:40

i'm so so sorry. praying for you tonight, and of course for sam's family. so so sad.

rickman Sat 15-Jan-05 22:39:54

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coppertop Sat 15-Jan-05 22:46:44

Merlot Sat 15-Jan-05 23:00:54

What a terrible shock for you. So sad for you all, sometimes life just doesn't make sense does it?

Uwila Sun 16-Jan-05 16:13:51

This is horrifying and very difficult to know what to say. Several years ago my friend's 10 year old daughter died. I was living in Houston at the time; and she in Chicago. When I heard, I literally got on the night flight to Chicago. It was the most horrible and heart wrenching experience of my life -- I can only imagine what it was like for my friend. I remember that in the weeks and months to follow, when talking to her on e-mail, I never knew whether it worse to mention Jessica (the deceased daughter) or not. I wasn't sure if it was worse to bring up the painful subject and remind her of her loss or if was an even greater injustice to Jessica to pretend like she never existed by never mentioning her again. In the end, I think it's best to let your friend lead the tone of the conversation and you can hopefully pick up on whether it is best to talk about "Sam" or focus on moving on. I think ther will certainly be times when one course of conversation or the other is more appropriate.

It is a horrible cruel circumstance in life whenever someone has to bury their own children. I can think of nothing more painful.

Bunglie Sun 16-Jan-05 16:24:09

I feel anything I write will come out wrong, but I am thinking of you and hope that you keep those happy memories and that 'time' will help make things easier. I am so very sorry for you and your friends family.

Hausfrau Sun 16-Jan-05 20:29:28

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