Hi all.. Im feeling really low today and could do with a hug/encourgaging words please

[summersun06]

I guess lots of you already now my story/ my daughters story..if you dont I lost my darling daughter Layla in August last year. Every day is hard but today is one of the hardest its been so far and I feel so low. I could do with some encourgaging words from someone, theres not really many people I can talk to as I just put on a brave face but today im struggling. You girls have all been so wonderful in the past and its nice to know that people care x

[Littlefish]

Hi Summersun

I remember reading your earlier threads - so sorry to hear about Layla.

Is there anything in particular that has made today difficult?

[fizzledizzle]

sending out big hugs >

[Blu]

Has anything in particular triggered your felings today, Summersun, or just the general ongoing desparation at having lost your darling little girl?

[Blu]

And yes...hugs.

Have you seen the suport thread for the MN mums who have lost children? I'll try and find it. You're not alone.

[Blu]

a thread for bereaved mums to keep talking and sharing

[summersun06]

Thank you Littlefish! Not really im just feeling really it more today than ever..I took my daughter Ella to the gym today and watched her playing with another little girl about the same age (Ella and Layla were/are twins) and I burst in to tears thinking how sad it was not to have Layla here to play along side Ella, and enjoy it. The sun was shining and it made me think back to this time last year, Layla was in hospital and I prayed everyday to be able to enjoy the summer next year with her (it wasn't meant to be)thinking about how much she would have loved the sun shine and playing in the garden with her sisters. Lots and lots of little things that have built up into one big bad day. I guess I feel so alone today more than ever.

[summersun06]

Thanks girls! I will have a look at the thread.

[trulymadlydeeply]

I don't know your story, Summersun, but I'm so terribly sorry to hear of your loss.

Try the thread Blu has linked to - the ladies on there are so supportive towards each other, and they've all been where you are.

I hope you feel better soon.

xxx

[Blu]

Oh, Summersun - that does sound very heartrending - of course that made you think about what you -and Ella - have lost.

I didn't mean to 'move you off this thread - but just know that the people on the other thread talk every day and understand what they are each going through...might be good for you to have a regular bunch who understand and know what you are going thorugh, since you do sound quite isolated in rel life.

I think that is a common problem too. there is a poster on MN who lost her DH suddenly last year, and she is finding that people don't talk to her, not even her own Mum.

[alfiesbabe]

I haven't read about Layla but I couldnt not post after coming across your thread. I think today has been such a beautiful day, the first real summer day, that it's bound to stir up some feelings. I guess when something particularly special happens, like watching your Ella playing, is going to trigger all kinds of feelings of 'How would it have been.....'
I'm so glad you felt able to share your feelings though. I imagine that there will be other difficult days ahead, and they may take you by surprise, but the important thing is that it's all a normal and natural part of grieving and remembering your precious Layla.

[MotherOfGirls]

I also didn't feel able to let this message pass without posting.

I didn't know your story, summersun06, but reading about it my heart goes out to you. I hope you will receive the support and comfort you need to get through the difficult times, like today, so that you can enjoy the beautiful daughter who is still with you.

I don't know your faith - in fact I don't really know mine - but I feel quite sure that Layla is happy now and that she would want you and Ella to enjoy days like this and to remember the time you spent together with joy. I don't mean to say you shouldn't feel sad. I can't begin to imagine your sorrow. Sending you big hugs and hoping you will find a way to stay strong.

[feedmenow]

Summersun, I would love to hear more about Layla (and Ella too of course!)
I haven't seen you about on MN before so don't know anything about how or why your precious girl isn't with you anymore, but you describing how your 2 dd's should be playing together in the sun has given me a beautiful picture.

I'll check back on this thread to see if and when you have posted more, but in the meantime I, too, would like to extend the invitation to you to come and join us on Eris' thread (Eris is my precious dd2, stillborn just 2 months ago )

Take care. xxx

[summersun06]

Hi girls i just wanted to say thank you to all those who send kind thoughts and wishes lastnight...I was having a terrible day and you all helped me thought it. Everyday is terrible but some worse than others, yesterday was one of the worst..today is a little better. Thank you blu for giving me the link to Eris thread it helped me to write everything (well not everything but a little of what happerned) down. If you want to see more about my Darling Layla layla.szafranski.muchloved.com cheers girls

[1dilemma]

Hi summersun06 havn't seen you around for ages (I had a break myself) sorry I missed this last night.
Layla is really georgous (love the picture of her with her sister on the sofa)

Hope you and your girls will stay strong for each other, how's dd1 she was really strong earlier if I remember rightly.

Hope you are able to delight in Ella without too much sadness

[summersun06]

Hi 1dilemma, your right I haven't been around for a while, I guess I was really upset after (not sure if you heard) one of the mums at school told the parents and teachers about my thread and there was so much titter tattling going on I was so upset..but I had a really bad day yesterday and really needed some where to turn, MN helps me loads..it a shame she spoilt it for me the first time around, anyway I'm back and glad to be back you are all so helpful and suportive.

Anna's isn't taking it so well any more she has serous anger issues and is losing lots of her hair, I wish I could do more to help her..I am getting her some bearevement counselling, I really think she needs it now poor little love.

I do delight in Ella but it is bitter sweet and I guess it will always be like that but I do see Layla living on inside Ella.

Hope you are well 1dilemma x

[1dilemma]

Am sorry and sad that people could use your sadness for their entertainment especially something which you have done anonymously (I know people can be found over the internet but she should have respected the fact that you were being anonymous IYSWIM even if she was 'trying to help'

You can name change if you'd like to, perfectly understandable for such an event

Sorry Anna is having a tough time, how's school? does she have good friends? there are organisations that help children who have been bereaved, (in a more 'fun' way I think) I havn't worked out how to do links have you searched on here for some ideas? Might be worth bearing in mind.

Must be so hard to see Ella do all the things Layla should be doing, I guess you just have to find a way to try and delight in them for her.

I guess as it gets closer to 1 year things will come back to haunt you more

(I hope I'm not putting my foot in it)

[summersun06]

Your right 1dilemma some people just cant see how much they can hurt people with gossip.

Im going to go into the school to have a chat about Anna, the head is really nice, so I think she will help. I am getting her some counseling with the same lady I see, I really think it will help. She broke down big time today its the first time iv seen her so upset since I told her Layla died...it was awful but it made me see that she is still hurting really badly, she told me shes been bottling it up because she didnt want to upset me...how sad isn't it!

Don't worry you have'nt put your foot in it at all thank you for your concern.

You didn't say how you were though! x

[1dilemma]

Hi
I guess I forgot the thought was there in my head!

I'm fine really thanks for asking.

I've changed job which is not going so well so I shall have to rethink there. My lo is really struggling with nursery -just howled at the door when I left then I let him out and he clung to me sobbing

what a big girls blouse

I don't think he likes it so I shall have to rethink there too

An obvious solution is staring me in the face but I think I'm too afraid to leave work, what would I do all day?!

Talking to school must be a good idea, they need to know if nothing else but might come up with some good ideas, no doubt her empathy will take her far when she gets a bit older.
Very sweet not to want to upset you. Do you get upset a lot when you are with her? I'm guessing you talk about Leyla a lot together (?) your love for her obviously shines through.

(They are lovely names BTW)
And lovely girls just had a little peek at your website L. seems like a real smiler