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contradictory advice on when to try again after m/c

(16 Posts)
romilly Wed 05-Jan-05 16:53:31

Can anyone help? have just m/c at 9 weeks and am devastated as it took a long, long time to get pregnant (d/h had testicular cancer and radiotherapy, so it felt like a miracle to be pregnant). Is it true you are more likely to m/c again if you get pregnant within 3 cycles as opposed to waiting longer. i have tried to find info on this - with conflicting results. some advice seems to say you are - other advice seems to be that you are more fertile directly afterwards and it is fine as long as you have had one period.
i had an erpc last week.

Azure Wed 05-Jan-05 17:07:31

Romilly, so sorry to hear about your m/c. The gynae I spoke to after my second m/c said that in her experience there is an increase in the risk of a further miscarriage if conception is within 3 months of a m/c; however, she emphasised that it was anecdotal only. I was told by someone else that waiting one month only would be sufficient (to enable your body to get back "to normal"). I've just realised that I've conceived within 3 months of my m/c (I'm now 6+ weeks). I think the most important thing is for when you (and your DH) feel ready to try again. Best wishes.

romilly Wed 05-Jan-05 17:19:55

thank you azure - congrats on your happy news! that gives me hope...

hester Wed 05-Jan-05 17:34:45

So sorry to hear of your loss, romilly. I also miscarried recently after a very long battle to get pregnant, so I know how devastating it is. I miscarried earlier than you, and wasn't given any particular advice. The one cycle/three cycles arguments do not seem paticularly evidence-based, so I decided worry about it overmuch. If it was critical, your doctor would presumably have warned you. Personally, i couldn't have waited for three months - specially with everyone saying that you may be more fertile directly afterwards. My only advice is to go with what your body and your mind tell you is healthy; do you need a break and a rest, or do you really need to not let any more opportunities go by?

juniperdewdrop Wed 05-Jan-05 17:39:07

so sorry to hear this romilly. I had a missed m/c at 12 weeks (went to scan and you know the rest..) and was told just to wait for one period. Did so and made DS2. I carried him ok but don't know if my head was right iykwim? Everyone's different though.

Really hope you get pg as soon as you want to hun, I know how you're feeling and it isn't a good place to be (((hugs)))

happymerryberries Wed 05-Jan-05 17:41:29

Romilly, like you my dh had testicular cancer and like you I had a mc. I am so sorry for your loss, it is the most awful thing. To give you our positive story we then went on to concieve naturaly and now have a dd and a ds. So take good care of yourself and wishing you all that you wish for yourself.

romilly Thu 06-Jan-05 10:44:00

thankyou so much hester, juniperdewdrop and happymerryberries for your kind and supportive words and good advice. i am totally heartened by your stories - especially happymerryberries, i needed to hear a story like yours so badly! I think i'm going to try again asap and just pray! i wonder if anyone used persona and is it any good? i have a friend who used clomid to get pregnant but i am dubious about that one

(btw, great names - you sound like delicious cocktails!)

hester Thu 06-Jan-05 10:47:36

I use Persona and find it useful. Mind, I'm still not pregnant!

If you ever wanted to pop in to the ttc thread in the 'conception' area you'll be able to get lots of advice from persona-users. It's also a lovely friendly thread for anyone trying to get pg.

Marina Thu 06-Jan-05 11:08:53

Hi Romilly, so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. I lost a ds at 21 weeks after waiting two inexplicable years to conceive him. We felt like we were in the Last Chance Saloon after his birth so didn't bother to use contraception after my first period, and within three months I was pregnant again, to our complete shock.
At my follow-up six weeks after the stillbirth, my consultant said nothing about higher risk of miscarriage if I conceived again "too soon".
It was hard, tbh, expecting another baby almost to the day of the anniversary of ds' birth. But dd is nearly one and a half now and a delight.
I wish the same good fortune for you and all other Mumsnet TTCers.

sinclair Thu 06-Jan-05 11:11:28

Very sorry to hear of your loss Romilly, as others have said you will get a lot of support on TTC threads, but to offer a bit more anecdotal evidence, after my last mc I ignored the whole wait a month/wait three months stuff as time was marching on and was lucky enough to get pregnant immediately. I have heard that right after the mc you are 'riper' as it were - anyway I chose to believe that particular line and it worked for us. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Mirage Thu 06-Jan-05 20:56:24

Romilly I am sorry to hear that you lost your baby

I lost our 1st baby after ttc for 3.5 years,due to an ectopic pregnancy.The general info I was given was to wait for 3 cycles,but I think that was to prevent confusion in dating any subsequent pregnancy rather than anything else physically.

The surgeon who did my op said that there was no reason that we couldn't try straight away,as far as he was concerned.So we did.I was pregnant again 7 wks after losing my 1st baby.So the theory that you are more fertile after any sort of pregnancy,successful or not,held true for me.Our daughter was born fit & healthy on her due date.

I will be truthful,it was a very worrying time when we first found out I was pregnant again & for the 1st 14wks or so I was on tenterhooks waiting for something to go wrong-I think a lot of the time this is why people are advised to wait-losing a baby is traumatic enough,but losing 2 so close together doesn't bear thinking about.But,like yourselves,we didn't want to miss what could be our only chance,so decided to go for it!

Wishing you all the best,whatever you decide.

strawberry Thu 06-Jan-05 21:10:45

Romilly - so sorry for your loss.

It is my understanding that they advise waiting one period to help with dating. There is actually no clinical reason to wait if you feel emotionally ready. I had a ERPC earlier in the year and am now 6 months pg. I did wait 1 cycle and got pg straight away. Good luck

MINNIE1 Fri 07-Jan-05 09:13:00

Romilly,
I mc in june 04' and i started ttc stright away... Now i have had no luck yet, as my cycles have been all over the place since mc, last month i have a cycle of 29 days so i'm hoping i will have the same this month or BFP, before that my cycles were 28-39 days..
I think as long as your emotionaly ready why not...

Sallie Fri 07-Jan-05 11:55:21

I had a mc in early Sept (at around 5/6 weeks so an early one) and my gp said we could get on with ttc again straight away. Have just found out I am pg - 3 cycles later! Best of luck. My cycle had only just settled - was all over the place after stopping bf dd at the end of June and also because of the mc in Sept.
Take care - listen to your body. If you feel ready to start ttc again, then why not. If you need some time to grieve then take some time out.....Here's sending you lots of hugs.....

Pamina3 Fri 07-Jan-05 11:58:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

romilly Fri 07-Jan-05 16:04:22

i really have to thank u all SO much for your replies and helpful advice - (1st day back at work today so been a bit of a struggle... hadnt told anyone here thank god, so just having to act like xmas was a jolly affair, yeah right!)

azure - i hope you're keeping well
hester - fingers (and everything else) crossed
for you (and thanks for the ttc tip, i'll be there soon!)
marina - your story really touched me
mirage - i sooo hear u on the tenterhooks thing
minnie - really hope it happens for u soon
sinclair/strawberry/sallie/pamina - TOTALLY inspiring!

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