my baby has gone

(50 Posts)
sadkim Sat 12-Apr-08 13:41:43

i recently lost my two year old daughter to a horrible disease that was destroying her brain. i am finding it very hard to accept the fact that she is gone i am looking for some one to talk to who has been through a similar situation

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mummylin2495 Sat 12-Apr-08 13:45:03

i am so sorry for the loss of your little girl.I havent experienced this myself but my friends lost their 12 yr old son.I am sure someone wil be along to give you some advice.i know there are a few mums on this site who also have had this happen to them.

orangehead Sat 12-Apr-08 13:45:20

not been through this, but couldnt not post. I am so sorry. Sending you hugs

sarah293 Sat 12-Apr-08 13:46:47

Message withdrawn

Nicecupofwine Sat 12-Apr-08 13:48:10

Hello Sadkim, I can only feel a tiny bit of the grief you are going through. It is so sad for you to be going through this awfully tragic time.
I lost my baby at 3 weeks old but it must be so hard to lose a child that had her own character, and you knew her so so well. Perhaps you can get some counselling - I spoke to another berieved parent at the time and it really helped me. CRUSE are a good group.

sadkim Sat 12-Apr-08 13:55:57

we know it was coming at some point. we were told she would,nt make it to 5 but we thought if we could get her through one mmore winter we would have her for at least another year. i know it would only be delaying the inevitable and she would have only got worse but to have the chance to hold my angel one more time i would give anything for that

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sarah293 Sat 12-Apr-08 13:58:14

Message withdrawn

Mitchell81 Sat 12-Apr-08 14:01:29

I am so sorry for your loss.

soph28 Sat 12-Apr-08 14:02:30

Just wanted to answer your post. Big hugs to you, you must be desparate to hold your little girl again- one day you will.

I know there are mummies on here who have lost lo's about the same age and I'm sure they will appear and will be able to chat to you.

When did you lose her? Have you got any other children? How is your dp coping?

sadkim Sat 12-Apr-08 14:02:51

some but its still to raw for everyone i am waiting for counselling but i,d much rather talk to people with similar experiences

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sadkim Sat 12-Apr-08 14:05:25

we lost her on jan 14 she did,nt appear to be sick but we could,nt wake her up properly so we took her to hospital at 9pm and she was gone by 3 in the morning

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soph28 Sat 12-Apr-08 14:12:51

You must be feeling so empty right now {{{{{{{{{{hugs}]]]]]]]]]]

Do you want to talk about her, tell us what she was like? What she did? Some of the memories you have of her?

Have you made a memorial webpage? I know some people find it really helps.

I am going out soon but will be back later to check how you're doing smile

shabster Sat 12-Apr-08 14:21:21

No death so sad as that of a child....

So very sad to hear your story.

I have contact information for the Compassionate Friends if that is of any use to you? I can put it on here for you if you would like me to. Self help group for bereaved parents run by bereaved parents.

I have poured my heart out on MN since January when we got the internet. Feel free to scream, cry, laugh, worry - anything you need to do. xx

sadkim Sat 12-Apr-08 14:22:02

akira was a beautiful child who was perfectly healthy until she reached 7 months old as bright as a button when she suddenly began losing all the skills she had learnt she was initially diagnosed with cerebral palsy but we never accepted this diagnosis because she kept regressing to the point she was like a newborn again. over a year and a half she lost all her mobility, lost her ability to feed and ended up with a tube in her tummy, lost nearly all her vision and suffered with severe muscle spasms and epilepsy. despite this she was the happiest little girl you could meet and always had a smile for everyone, she went through more in her life time than any adult could cope with. in the end she was diagnosed with a condition called leukodystropy which was destroying the white matter in her brain thus destroying her but she is now an angel flying free

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sadkim Sat 12-Apr-08 14:23:49

yes please any info is welcome

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shabster Sat 12-Apr-08 14:23:54

sad sad oh my love - anything I can do to help?

I can imagine the pain you are going through. Ive lost two of my four sons and you will feel as if you are in a very dark place at the moment.

Sidge Sat 12-Apr-08 14:24:00

I'm so sorry for your loss of your little girl sad

I haven't lost a child but my DD2 has a life-limiting condition and every time she is ill I feel that fear.

I hope you can find someone to share your grief with, nobody can understand it quite like another parent.

shabster Sat 12-Apr-08 14:26:31

Your little girl sounds a real fighter - like my baby boy who had congenital heart defects. Please believe me when I say that you did everything humanly possible to keep your DD here - all those long nights when you have held her and prayed (even if you are not religious) and sung to her and tried to feed her, comfort her, keep her safe.

Its such early days my love. sad

shabster Sat 12-Apr-08 14:28:01

Akira - what a beautiful, unusual name.

Spill all your feelings here - dont be afraid to tell other mums. It is everybodys worse nightmare.

cornsilk Sat 12-Apr-08 14:32:34

sad I am very sorry for your loss. You must be very proud of such a lovely little girl, she sounds wonderful.

sadkim Sat 12-Apr-08 14:33:00

i just fel so empty without her

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dippymother Sat 12-Apr-08 14:36:24

So sorry for your loss.

I lost my DS when he was 8 months old to Acute Bacterial Endocarditis (blocking of the heart valve due to bacterial infection), so can empathise with your situation.

Time is a good healer and you will have your good memories, photos etc to look back on and remember when you feel able. Talk about your feelings to as many people (family/friends as well as MN) as you can - I certainly think that MN will help in that respect. MN wasn't around when I lost my DS, but I am sure it would have helped me, just knowing that there are other people out there who do know exactly what you're going through.

I did have counselling although tbh it didn't really work for me, I found talking to friends much better. They may have got bored with me going on and on, but they listened anyway.

Hope we can be of help.

sadkim Sat 12-Apr-08 14:46:38

i have my other children and a wonderful husband but they are dealing with their own feelings and i am doing my best to support them too but sometimes its easier to talk to an outsider because i do not have the fear of upsetting them

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lackaDAISYcal Sat 12-Apr-08 14:50:14

no expereience, but just had to post and say I'm so so sorry for your loss sad

I can't imagine what you and your family must be going through sad sad

{hugs}

ajandjjmum Sat 12-Apr-08 15:33:07

sadkim
You must be a wonderful mum - even at this time thinking of supporting the rest of your family.
How lucky Akira was to have you, although for such a short time.

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