Mums Ashes

(5 Posts)
chinchi Thu 28-Feb-08 16:15:15

My Mum died in November from breast cancer, and as of yet I still cant decide what to do with her ashes.
My Dads are scattered over the plot that contains my grandparents ashes. My Mum's parents' ashes were scattered after they died, but unfortunately I dont know where. Im an only child so the decision about her ashes is down to me.
She told a her best friend and my DH many times that she would like them scattered outside her favourite bar in Turkey (where I used to live with DH as he is Turkish). Now I know that I should respect her wishes, yet the thought of scattering them, and being the final part of my Mum washed away in the sea almost breaks my heart.
DH suggested a plot especially for Mum over here with her own headstone, but we are planning to move back to Turkey within a couple of years and the thought of 'Mum' being here all on her own again upsets me.
We cant bury the ashes in Turkey as cremation isnt practised with it being a predominantly Muslim country. I suggested to have the ashes in the house, but I often think I might get a little uncomfortable about it.
Her ashes are still with the funeral director, but I was slightly put out by a comment made when I called the other month about something, and I was told "You can come and collect your Mum anytime you like"- not really the words I would have used to someone.
My problem is Im too emotional. I lost my Dad at 16, and my Mum at 23. I know deep inside those ashes arent really my Mum, but I feel its the closest Ill ever get to her, and so I want to make the right decision.

OP’s posts: |
Rubyrubyruby Thu 28-Feb-08 18:04:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shabster Thu 28-Feb-08 18:14:14

chinchi - what a difficult decision. I always say to my DS's I want to be scattered in the grounds of my favourite hotel in Rhodes, Greece. I really mean it - but have never thought of the practical side of things like you are having to do. I can understand why you wouldn't want the ashes 'washed away in the sea' but you will never, ever loose the loving memories of your mum and if that is what she said she wanted......? I think your mum and me would have got on very well - she sounds lovley smile

chinchi Thu 28-Feb-08 18:19:55

Thanks for your replies

Mum was a lovely outgoing woman Shabster, enjoyed the odd drink or 3! and always remained positive despite her battle with cancer. Great minds think alike with the hot climates and holiday memories!

What a lovely idea Ruby. FIL is just having a house built in Istanbul, and planning a big garden for our DS. I think I will ask if I can plant a tree and scatter her ashes there. Thankyou for the inspiration

OP’s posts: |
shabster Thu 28-Feb-08 18:23:23

chinchi - that sounds a wonderful idea. I tell my lads - some of me in a small urn at the hotel bar, and the rest down on Faliraki beach - now that would be heaven for me even in high season when us Brits are in town. I could tell from your words in the original post on this thread that your mum sounded lovely.

She would be so pleased to have her ashes scattered in a country she loved - especially one filled with happy memories smile

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