Son's cat killed, how do I explain?

[Katie3677]

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post, so many tragic threads on here and this doesn't nearly compare, but seems the logical place.
My son's cat was run over (by someone driving far too fast and who didn't bother to stop) at the weekend. He was only 9 months old and chosen by my son from a litter as a special treat on starting nursery.
I am not sure how to explain it to my 3 year old son. We let him help bury him and plant a rose on the grave and explained that he has gone for a long sleep and that he is with Jesus now, but it doesn't seem to be sinking in. He keeps asking if 'Kittlin' is better now and when he is coming back, which makes me break down every time. Do I just keep repeating myslef, or is there some other way of explaining it better. Any advice appreciated.
On another subject, someone I know vaguely had a tragic accident last week when he accidentally reversed over his 18 month daughter in his car. Child was dead on arrival at hospital. This man adored his children and is understandably devastated, totally blames himself etc. I feel moved to write to him and express my sympathy, but worry that anything I say going to make him feel worse.

[ladette]

Katie, for your son, this IS a tragic experience so don't apologise. When our DCs have lost grandparents, we have said that they were so ill, if they'd lived they'd have hurt too much so it's kinder to let them go to where it won't hurt anymore and we have to say goodbye. (my DD actually waved and said "goodbye nan" as her coffin was taken away at the crematorium"... )I think you do have to explain that Kittlin isn't coming back. It might be hard, but fairer in the long run of him thinking she migh tcome back.

I read about the accident, awful. I don't think there is much you can write, other than to say you are thinking of them at this very sad time. If you feel you know them well enough to offer practical help, perhaps pass on your phone number. Someone once gave me some very wise advice which was always to think whether you are doing something for the other person or for yourself. Not saying for one minute that you are, but I always think abotu this now before writing or doing something in similar situations and it focuses the mind.

[3Ddonut]

Your poor ds, our kitten was knocked down and killed by someone driving too fast while I was pg with my ds (now 4) we were talking about the 'naughty man' (always a man ) at the weekend, I think you'll just have to talk it out and let him ask any questions, as awful as they may be. He will understand in time that his cat isn't coming back, how sad

What a tragic thing to have happened to your acquaintence, I have nothing to add except to say that I'm shocked and terribly upset to hear the news.

[Katie3677]

Thanks for the advice. I guess time is the best healer with this sort of thing.
Ladette, I think you're right and that if I wrote to him it would be more about me making myself feel better which is not really a good reason to risk making the poor guy feel even worse than he does already.

[widgypog]

katie, I am a firm believer in telling the truth. Just tell him exactly what happened. My dd was 3 when I had to have my horse put down. I told her she was old and she died and she is NOT coming back. She just took it in her stride(she was v attatched to horse btw).

I am not religious so cant explain in any other terms than facts and she seems fine with it. She has a pic of her by her bed and often says I miss her etc but I just say so do I and she is fine with that.