when someone dies unexpectedly......

[bubblepop]

you suddenly become aware..almost overnight,of your own mortality. your life is precariously balancing on a tightrope existance....omg its scary. last night as i put my youngest daughter to bed and stroked her hair, it dawned on me that maybe i had her too late in life..im 38 and she is 2yrs.maybe by the time she is twenty or so, i might not be around anymore..i felt scared for her. i know all these thoughts are morbid and have been brought on by the death of our friend on boxing day. i try not to think like this..nether the less the thoughts are there.

[NorthernLurker]

whatever your age or circs i think unexpected death scares you - your fear is normal and you will be able to let it go soon i hope.

[MaryAnnSingleton]

agree with northernlurker

[jellyrolly]

I'm so sorry you lost your friend recently, no wonder you are thinking morbid thoughts.

While it will never by okay that they died, as time goes on, more positive things will fill your days.

30s are a perfect time to have children, she will benefit from your life experience and your confidence. Take your lead from your dd - never a morbid thought passes between those little ears!

[bubblepop]

thankyou

[mumof2pixies]

Sorry to hijack this thread...I was just searching the Bereavement threads as Ive just lost a very close friend in February, and reading bubblepop's thoughts hit the nail on the head really. Ive never lost anyone before so I have been quite lucky in that respect, and Im finding dealing with death really difficult. Its also made me quite fearful of death, when I hadn't really thought about it before now. I lost my dearest friend in February unexpectedly....it was a complete shock. She left behind the most delightful 3 year old. Sometimes I feel so selfish for grieving for her, especially with what her family must be going through. I just dont understand how it is that shes not here anymore. Her voice is still in my head, when I go round to her house to take my son to see hers, her stuff is still around like shes just popped out. I think it would be very easy to sink into depression...but again I think I would feel selfish if I did that. I just dont know how Im supposed to deal with it. Mostly during the day Im fine as with two little ones Im more than occupied, but there are frequent times when I would have seen her and thats hard. And quite often my dh works evenings and it is tough just being alone at night...your thoughts run away with you! It would be nice to know how people coped and got through this stage when they have lost loved ones. I know it will get easier...

[bozza]

Sorry pixies to hear about your friend . I have no experience to help you but hope someone will come along with the right words.

[bozza]

Sorry pixies to hear about your friend . I have no experience to help you but hope someone will come along with the right words.

[Mummy2TandF]

mumof2pixies - I am sorry for your loss and have no great pearls of wisdom. As you may know, I lost my dh suddenly and unexpectedly in August and I still can't give you any answers I am afraid, I don't know how I cope, in fact I don't think that I do ... I exist, I have a ds of 3 and a dd of 1, so like you the days are busy but I can relate to your feelings at night - they are horrendous I don't think there are any set ways to "deal" with this situation but I do know that you don't have to forget your friend, memories are the most precious things and although are upsetting also help me get through the days ... somebody described grief to me as a huge weight that you carry on your shoulders, the weight never gets lighter we just get used to carrying it and become stronger! I am hoping this is true. I am sorry that i can't really help, but just wanted yu to now that I am thinking of you

[squareheadcut]

when my husband died i just cried and cried then after two weeks i went to work so that i had some normality and could try and put my mind to someting else - to stop myself from going mad. i worked and worked long hours and came home and cried then went to work cried in the toilets at work sometimes on work colleagues shoulders - it was about two years of full on crying and working. i feel better now, it will be three years this May.