Lost our daughter at 39 weeks

(63 Posts)
laurajo Mon 21-Jan-08 11:08:54

Hello everyone

It feels hard to write this but I've found reading other posts on mumsnet so helpful that I thought it would be good to share my story in case anyone is going through similar.

Our first baby was stillborn in November a few days before her due date. It had been a completely healthy pregnancy and when they couldn't find her heartbeat it was just every worst nightmare coming true in an instant. Somehow you do get through it though. I never thought I'd be able to deal with all the physical hurdles like her birth and the funeral and also with the incredible feeling of loss but its amazing what reserves of strength you find.

I'm sure the sadness will never go away but its becoming bearable. If someone had told me that 8 weeks ago though I never would have believed them. My only advice for anyone it happens to is to take all the support and love you can from your partner/friends/family and try and remember what you DO have rather than what you've lost.

At the moment we're just waiting to meet with the consultant to see if he's got any answers as to why it happened. We might never find out - really I guess we're just hoping that its nothing that means we can never be parents. I don't know what medical reasons there might be not to try again - if anyone does know I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks

LJ x

OP’s posts: |
hazygirl Mon 21-Jan-08 11:11:05

im so sorry x thinking of youx

SmartArse Mon 21-Jan-08 11:11:55

LJ,

I don't know what to say. I am so lucky, I have never suffered such a loss. But I had to post to say that you are an amazing, brave person, and that I do hope you will one day be a wonderful mother. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

SA

mehdismummy Mon 21-Jan-08 11:12:51

i am so sorry. Dont know any answers or any words to make it better. Just feel for you

BoysAreLikeDogs Mon 21-Jan-08 11:13:11

So sorry for your loss

Tommy Mon 21-Jan-08 11:13:31

so sorry to hear your sad story.

betterhalf Mon 21-Jan-08 11:13:35

I am so sorry to hear this. My sister went through this with her first pregnancy a number of years ago now. She refused counselling but should have had it. She did go on to have 2 lovely boys afterwards, who are now strapping lads of 17 and 19. Hope you get all the support you can.

pindy Mon 21-Jan-08 11:14:03

I went through very similar 16.5 years ago, keep strong and hopefully you will have children in the future - not to replace your daughter but as well as. I now have a dd (born within the year of losing the first child) and a ds born 17 months later.

Take care, all the best.

X

notjustmom Mon 21-Jan-08 11:15:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shabster Mon 21-Jan-08 11:16:28

My dear LJ - my heart missed a beat when I saw your story. I cant imagine how you must feel - I have lost two of my four sons - due to heart problems and road accident. I know that the saying I hate most in the world 'Time heals' is so very true, but it dosent make your pain any less right now. It is such a raw physical and mental pain. We met with our sons cardiac consultant and that was a great help - he gave us advice and sympathy in bucketloads. I got great support from Compassionate Friends (self help group for bereaved parents) I will give you their contact numbers if you want them. Do be kind to yourself, dont put on a face for the world - if you want to scream, cry and get really mad - go for it. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care, much lovexxx

Tickle Mon 21-Jan-08 11:17:21

So sorry for the loss of your sweet daughter. Wishing you all the best,
t xx

duchesse Mon 21-Jan-08 11:23:59

So very sorry to hear this. I wish you well.

Eliza2 Mon 21-Jan-08 11:42:21

These are dreadfully sad stories and I am thinking of all of you, the OP and others who've posted here.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Mon 21-Jan-08 11:47:17

I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. I wish you all the luck in the future and hope you get some answers xx

laurajo Mon 21-Jan-08 12:32:57

thanks so much for all your support and all my love to shabster pindy and others. MN really is a great place

betterhalf...we did decide to have counselling - seemed like the last thing i wanted to do but i think its really helping actually. If nothing else it makes us have a good cry and talk about what happened and hopes for the future - much better than bottling it up

xx

OP’s posts: |
cornsilk Mon 21-Jan-08 12:34:19

Very sorry for your loss laurajo x

NorthernLurker Mon 21-Jan-08 12:37:17

So sorry to read this - I can't imagine how dreadful this must be for you. I think it's really brave of you to share your experiences though - hoping this will bring you much comfort and support as well as being useful to others here in the same situation.

bogie Mon 21-Jan-08 12:38:44

so sorry to hear about your loss lovley post though x

bossykate Mon 21-Jan-08 12:41:16

i am so very, very sorry you lost your little girl sad how very brave you sound.

moopymoo Mon 21-Jan-08 14:53:06

my amazing inspirational sister. hello there i love you (may have to name change now thoughwink)

laurajo Mon 21-Jan-08 15:08:50

ah love you back and thanks for everything moopy - or whatever you're now called so i can't read all the TMI chatting you probably do on here wink

OP’s posts: |
bero Mon 21-Jan-08 15:14:44

I'm so sorry that you lost your little daughter. Did you name her?

You do sound very, very brave. All my very best wishes for the consultant appointment and the future beyond.

lottiejenkins Mon 21-Jan-08 15:27:34

Hi LJ, i went through a similar experience as you 13 years ago when my son Jack was born prematurely at 26 weeks into my pregnancy. My husband and I met our consultant after and sadly we never knew why Jack was born early. When i became pregnant again a year later my consultant was brilliant and saw me every two weeks of my pregnancy. Have you thought about contacting Sands? The Stillborn and Neonatal Deaths Society. They have experienced people on their helpline who can talk to you and have knowledge and advice to help. I go each year to the chapel of our local hospital where Jack was born to a Babyloss Service which also helps as I meet people who have experienced the same thing. May God Bless you and your husband. Keep Strong. XXX

thritbies Mon 21-Jan-08 15:28:10

Laurajo I am so sorry for your loss sad. I lost my first baby, a boy, just over 6 years ago. Anniversaries are understandably hard, but the aching you feel right now will ease and you won't feel like that every minute of the day. Talking is a very good idea imo. I hope your consultant has some answers, I do know how you feel, and will be thinking of you xxx

JossStick Mon 21-Jan-08 15:30:48

So sorry to hear about your little girl.

A friend of mine had a very similar experience - her baby died a few days before her due date. She already had a five year old. She had a knot in her umbilical cord - quite rare apparently and the consultant said there's no reason not to try for another baby when she was ready.

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