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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Former colleague died suddenly over Christmas - contact her dh or leave well alone?

29 replies

Tiggerish · 05/01/2008 20:43

A girl I worked with about 5 years ago died suddenly just before Christmas, 2 days after giving birth to their 3rd child. She was a fantastic person and great colleague. I wasn't in touch with her at all since our professional lives diverged, but feel that maybe I should send a card or something to her dh.

What do you think?

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karen999 · 05/01/2008 20:43

I would send a card. How tragic. I am sure that her dh and family would appreciate it.

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hatwoman · 05/01/2008 20:45

definitely send a card.

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marina · 05/01/2008 20:46

Oh no tiggerish, did you know one of those poor women in that hospital in Winchester
Really shocking
I am sure writing to her dh will mean a lot

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Hassled · 05/01/2008 20:47

Yes - send a card. The lack of recent contact won't matter. What does matter to a lot of bereaved people is the knowledge that the person they've lost was loved/well liked by others.

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Gursky · 05/01/2008 20:47

Send card/letter explaining how you knew her and a really lovely or funnly memory of her/thing about her that touched your life. I think it can be comforting to see how widely your loved one touched the lives of others.

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Tiggerish · 05/01/2008 20:47

Yes - i used to work with Amy (the year her ds was born).

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crokky · 05/01/2008 20:48

I think you should send a card. The lady's husband will probably keep the cards and show them to the child when he/she is older so that he/she can have some knowledge that his/her mum was a lovely person who lots of people miss. I know someone who died when his wife was 7 months pg - at his funeral, there was a book that his wife asked everyone to write in so that the unborn baby would be able to read about his father.

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LaDiDaDi · 05/01/2008 20:48

Definitely send a card.

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RGPargy · 05/01/2008 20:49

Send a card. How tragic.

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pinkteddy · 05/01/2008 20:50

yes do and if you can write something about your memories of her. Even if he can't absorb it now, he will later. I had a beautiful letter from a friend (who knew her well) when my grandmother died which I drew comfort from for years after.

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Biglips · 05/01/2008 20:50

Tiggerish - i hope u dont mind me asking but did she gave birth in the Royal Hampshire County Hosp in Winchester??

im so sorry about your friend and yes a card wud be nice

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Biglips · 05/01/2008 20:51

oops! x posted

so sad

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Tiggerish · 05/01/2008 20:52

Yes Biglips, it was Amy. I only heard today

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mollythetortoise · 05/01/2008 20:53

saw this case in the paper yesterday. two women who gave birth at same hospital on same day also died of same infection just before christmas. It was her second women's first child. So sad for all concerned. definately send a card.

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Biglips · 05/01/2008 20:58

it was in the paper - the Daily Mirror - if you want it?

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edam · 05/01/2008 20:59

Terribly sad.

Agree card with message about some memory you have of her - doesn't have to profound, could be silly or just every day stuff. I know when my FIL died very suddenly, MIL found the cards that contained recollections of him very important. We discovered things we didn't know - nothing earth-shattering but the little ordinary details meant a lot to us. In the bustle of everyday life, you sometimes don't appreciate the impact your relative had on others - we hadn't sat down and calculated quite how much FIL had helped so many other people in lots of little ways. Really touching. And even more important when it's a mother leaving a baby.

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Wisteria · 05/01/2008 21:01

definitely, definitely write a card and include some memories of your friend/ colleague if you can, actual events ratehr than generalisations about her character. Those things were invaluable to me when my Mum died, and the more I got, the more my Mum's life had meaning and value - so do.

I'm so sorry , it's tragic

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Tiggerish · 05/01/2008 21:01

thanks Biglips - but i've seen most of the articles on-line now I reckon.

Thank you all for you responses. I'll definately write to him with all the fab memories I have of her. I think her school will probably pass it on to him for me.

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Wisteria · 05/01/2008 21:01

didn't see Edam's post before but does back up how important these memories are to her children x

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Biglips · 05/01/2008 21:07

Youre welcome and its sad that the other lady died on the same ward too from the same infection

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/01/2008 21:08

Send a card, definitely - in the manner edam said.

How terribly sad

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fairylights · 05/01/2008 21:09

i know someone who was working with Amy until she took this maternity leave, its so tragic. think i would send a card with memories

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yogimum · 05/01/2008 21:21

I think the family would definitely appreciate any aknowledgement from you.

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imaginaryfriend · 05/01/2008 21:24

I would send a card definitely.

The poor family, what a terrible tragedy.

Could you link to the story for me anyone, my brother works at that hospital and I seem to have missed reading about it. I'll call him tomorrow in any case.

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donnie · 05/01/2008 21:24

definitely send a card - it will mean so much. When my husband's sister died 18 months ago , we received cards from people she had not been in touch with for years and years - old school friends etc. It was incredibly touching and it really helped my dh, knowing she was remembered and highly regarded by people he didn't even know. Do it.