I lost my mum when i was 9 in an accident and then in the last 3 years have also lost my auntie (stroke) and my cousin (hospital cock-up) who were kind of mummy-substitutes to me when I was growing up.
I am generally a outgoing and sociable person - i love my dh and dd very much; my job is fine most of the time and life is basically good. However, there is 1 thing in my life that worries me a bit and i wonder if the bereavements i've had are contributing to this.
Every time i go anywhere out of the house, esp when i'm driving, i envisage being involved in a fatal accident. On the motorway, i'm constantly aware of the slightest little error resulting in a crash. when we go out as a family, even when we're walking, i imagine dd running out into the road or dh being knocked down. Last week was particularly bad and i was convinced dh was going to die when he went out. I wouldn't say that it runs my life and it doesn't usually actually upset me too much (except for last week); it's like i accept that it might happen rather than having the kind of attitude other people who have never experienced death close up who say 'i never thought it could happen to me'.
My mum's and my cousin's deaths were wrong place wrong time kind of deaths, that could not have been predicted at all. I spsoe it's made me realise how random life is and how events can turn your world upside down without warning. It feels like i'm in a constant state of alert.
I've been seeing a counsellor recently to talk about my mum and other aspects of life and death, but i don't think it's helping really - i just talk about my family, then cry a bit but it doesn't feel like anything is being 'solved', iykwim.
can anyone relate to this at all - maybe also, has anyone had bereavement counselling and can tell me if it's worth pursuing?
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Bereavement
Has bereavement made me weird?
18 replies
cyrilthesquirrel · 12/11/2004 08:38
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