Mum's friend's Dh commit suicide last week 8-(

[SweetSnowflake]

they ahd been through many a bad patch, he must have been in, if not almost into his 70's, she shared christmas with us last year as theyd had a big fall out.
same this year, they argued over something quite minor, but obv important in their lives and she told he she wanted out and that was it, the following day all was fine, but the next day while she was at my mums, he walked into the north sea and despite people trying to save him, he died.

am sad for family and wife, but so sad for him, especially at this age to feel that was all he had left.

tried to buy a sympathy card yesterday but it was all 'loss of a loved one' and talking about all the love they had, now i know she 'reall'y did love him, but seems innapropriate to rub salt into wounds as we know it was bad between them before he died.
IN end got one saying nothing but thinking of you.

God, just feel so sad and upset although i wasnt that close to her dh, i was with her and cant imagine how she must be feeling knowing how theyd left it between them

what can i / mum do to help?
mum has rang but she jsut couldnt stop crying so mum said shed call her again and to ring if she needed anything?

[glaskham]

i had a similar sort of thing a few weeks back....my best friends older brother hung himself....through rows within his marrieage, he had been expecting a new baby too- and his wife had the baby last week which hit the raw nerve once again for the family, i grew up sharing houses with my friend and her family as we lived a few doors down from each other from birth!! we used to babysit for her older brother too- so it was hard enough for me to deal with, let alone her..... but i got a card saying thinking of you, and filled it with my thoughts and feelings for them, i let her know i was there for her when she was ready to talk to me, even if it was just going out for a drink and having a laugh.... she called me a few days later and came round for a brew and a chat- about everything exept her brother!!

i found just showing a brave face for her, being a shoulder to cry on if she needed it etc helped....i didn't let her see how upset it made me, though- she needed me to be strong for her in her hour of need.

love to you all in this bad time....xxx

[SweetSnowflake]

Thanks for that, it must have been so ahrd for you as you were so close
Mums friend has LOTS of family around her, they had lots of children and are very family orientated, so i know she will have suport, then when it all gets too much, she will go to my mam, its what she always does, when she needs a breather, my mam's her rock for that

ill send the card and say something along the lines of thinking about you, so sorry to hear about xxx, wishing you lots of love and support?..maybe?

[glaskham]

thats sounds ok- i doubt she'll be dwelling so much on the problems she'd had with him, just trying to remember the good times. my friend has said that she doesn't dwell on the bad times at all, just tries to always think of the good times with him.

it was hard for me being so close to him aswell as the rest of the family, especially when we went to the funeral- i couldn't really contain myself but i am a very emotional person anyway- in a way i felt i had no right to be so upset when he wasn't my brother/son.....but those who have lost their husband/son/dad, they understand that everyone will be upset and they take that well as it means that their memory wont be forgotten!!- thats what my friends mum said anyway!!

[scattyspice]

Sadly depression is quite common in older people (even those with people who love them). Persumably he was very depressed anyway.

Send a card so your mums friend doesn't feel isolated (I think people shy away from suicide so are less willing to help). Hope she is able to cope, and your mum too.

[SweetSnowflake]

thanks everyone, will write the card tonight and send in morning, i just hope their ok, its all came as a total shock to everyone

[twinsetandpearls]

Suicide is such a difficult thing to come to terms with even when it is somone that you may have thought of as an acquaintance. My dd stepfather commited suicide very recently and we have not come to terms with the guilt. I will think of you in my prayers.

[SweetSnowflake]

Thankyou,thats so nice of youi do feel affected but feel i shouldnt as i wasnt clsoe to him, i tried to do something similar when i was 16 after years of abuse and remember how alone and in pain i felt, so i really feel that he must have been in a terrible way

[twinsetandpearls]

That will make it very painful for you and bring back lots of memories that you hvae probably locked away. I will be thinking of you,

[SweetSnowflake]

thanksand ill be thinking of you and your family too.

[twinsetandpearls]

thanks, we are getting there.