Just got through my "due date"

[cindycat]

I had a termination due to anencephaly at 13 weeks and have just got passed what would have been my due date. I was expecting to feel awful on that day but then maybe begin to feel that i could get on with my life a bit. However, felt nothing much on the date, which really upset me and made me feel terribly guilty. And now feel sadder than ever and even less able to get on with my life. I have 2 children who get me through, and i wouldn't be without them for the world, but i can't stop thinking of the sweet little one who's death i caused and the 2 other little ones i lost to miscarriage. Anyone out there know how it feels?

[AitchTwoOh]

a little bit, but not the same. i had two ectopic pregnancies and i absolutely dreaded the due dates for both. in the event, the anticipation was much worse than the day itself, when i just felt kinda nothing...
i'm so sorry to hear of your losses... you know that you didn't cause your little one's death really but i had to sign forms to 'terminate' and i know how shattering that is...
all i know is that in time it gets easier, or it did for me at any rate.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Oh sweetheart, you didn't cause your LO's death. And dates don't make a jot of difference, you shouldn't feel worse of better necessarily because the calendar says you should.

You made an extraordinarily brave decision to prevent suffering at a very early stage. I hope that in time you can take comfort from that.

I have miscarried twice and I think I know how you feel. But it does get easier with time. Just don't beat yourself up, you feel how you feel, whatever that is. Sometimes I just don't feel anything either and othertimes I cry and cry and can't stop. But both reactions are right at the time.

[cindycat]

Thank you both for your lovely, wise replies. It's good to know that someone else understands, although of course i'm so sad for you that you do. I'm still feeling really emotional at the moment - able to cope for my other 2 one moment, really down the next. Guess I've just got to work on that and give it some time - and the odd glass or 3 of wine helps!! Just wish i'd managed to do more for my little ones. I know rationally that i couldn't but it breaks my heart, nevertheless.

[manitz]

hi cindy cat i have two dd's (2 and 4) I terminated on 5 july at 25 weeks (3rd dd). She would have been due 20 Oct. I know exactly how you feel. had a quick nod to the due date and didn't feel anything. Met a lady at preschool today with a baby girl she proudly said was 27 days old. Not quite sure what the date is but i make her birthday 20 oct. feel v crap now want to go and have a little cry. really strange but expect that willhappen now and then. Always seems to hit yu when you least expect it.

[cindycat]

Hi manitz - know what you mean. A friend of mine is right now in hospital having her baby. My due date would have been just under 2 weeks ago but both my kids were late, ds 1 week & dd 2 weeks. I went through my due date ok, but think in the back of my mind have been waiting for my friend's little one to appear. I am so very happy for her, but just wish with all my heart the it was me going through the hideous pain of contractions as well! Am also off for a little cry...

[manitz]

hi cindycat sorry not around only get on now and then. i have generally found that repression and black humour are the answer. Also know it is silly but am going to buy arc christmas cards this year as I foudn them so useful while I was having to make my decision. When you are in a crap place you need some help from someone and tiny little things matter. I'm also trying again but have to get my head around the ttc thing. how does that work?

How are things for you now? do you go on the sands site?

[hildegard]

I terminated a pregnancy at 21 weeks due to Patau's syndrome. I do know how you feel, but please don't think that you caused the death of your baby. You didn't.

I felt guilty on my son's birthday this year because I didn't feel as sad as I had the year before. But time does heal (although it is a cliche).

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

[cindycat]

manitz & hildegard - I'm so sorry that you lost your little ones too. Especially so far on. Will take hope from you hildegard & believe that time will help, but sorry you felt bad on your son's birthday. I guess all of us in this position will either feel awful on such days, or awful if we don't feel awful.

manitz - I agree with you in that repression & black humour are the way forward! I think there's a whole new thread in that... Good luck with the ttc thing. I really wanted to try again but couldn't convince my other half. Really hope all goes well for you.

Guess i'm begining to think that there will be no fixed date when things will suddenly feel better for me & that i just need to try to find a way of getting on with things as they are.

[Habbibu]

Hi cindy. My first baby had anencephaly, and died almost 2 1/2 years ago. The thing I'm still worst about is the word termination. I don't think it was wrong, but I still hate the word.

Due date was odd for me - in some ways in was a relief, as I could stop thinking "I should be pregnant, I should be big, etc"

I think you do just muddle through for a long time, but the bad bits get further apart, and the good bits more frequent. Felt bad that I hardly noticed her due date this year - her sister was born almost exactly a year after she was due, and this year has been oddly a rerun of what 2005/6 should have been for us, which gets me quite mixed up.

Wishing you more peaceful days ahead.

[cindycat]

Hi habbibu. I know what you mean - I only use the word termination as I can't stand the word abortion!

So sorry you lost your little one as well. I do understand what you mean about feeling mixed up. I had 2 miscarriages before this and in many ways only felt better about those losses & significant dates once i was pregnant again. Not that that makes it all better and one pregnancy never "makes up" for a lost one, but hopefully you know what I mean!!! Thanks.