Always having negative dreams about my deceased grandmother

[Wednesday23]

My grandmother died of cancer 10 years ago. It was very sudden and hard because all of the family knew she was going to die but she didn't (she had always said if she was dying that she didn't want to know about it). Within a month of diagnosis, she was gone.

It's been very hard as we were like mother and daughter. Now 10 years on and I still dream of her but every time I do, it's always awful. Dreams of her being alive again and then she finds out she's dying and is so upset and sad that it ruins the rest of her life, dreams that she's come back from death and she's been left alone in her old house to die without family... I never have pleasent dreams and they're quite traumatic.

Has anyone experienced this kind of thing?

[peakygal]

My DH passed away almost 5 years ago and I don't dream of him often but when I do, he is always very angry with me and I have no clue why. I have no advice to offer but can tell you it is hard and upsetting especially when they are so vivid x

[DayBath]

Are you on any medications that could be causing vivid dreams? My anti depressant causes wildly realistic dreams. It's like a whole lived experience and I remember them for months.

I also dream about people I've lost years ago, very negative a lot of the time. I think it might be linked to feeling low in general and dwelling on the past, those two aspects combined make for very sad dreams. Perhaps you could explore some talking therapy to resolve any issues or regrets you may have about her or your family in general? Maybe you're putting yourself in her place, worrying about all the different outcomes that could have been?

[Ibizafun]

I also have dreams of my daring grandma who passed 14 years ago. Like you, we were so very close. I wasn’t there the night she passed in hospital, and the guilt plays out in my dreams, eg of her being alive again but me forgetting to go and visit her and just leaving her with no one.

Although it’s upsetting, what I take from it is the clarity of her after all these years, and seeing her again when I ‘remember’ to visit her.

Your grandma was so very fortunate to have been so loved.

[SilverGlassHare]

My mum died 10 years ago and my sibling 8 years ago and I dream about both of them frequently - nearly always it’s negative dreams. We tend to be fighting or arguing, my mum often tells me she doesn’t love me, sometimes she and my brother gang up on me or leave me alone somewhere... I had a brilliant relationship with both of them and we were very close. I can only assume it’s because I feel abandoned by then and am furious about it, subconsciously. Both deaths were caused by very sudden illnesses. It’s horrible, isn’t it?