Struggling with new baby while grieving

[HarleyQuinn21]

Hi all,

My dad died yesterday, it wasn't a shock but it happened very quickly as he only became ill in January. My dad was my whole world, he was my best friend and I'm so lost without him. I honestly want to crawl up in bed and die but I have a five week old baby who needs caring for, his dad does what he can but he can't do it all.. does anyone have any advice?

Thank you

[altlife]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I'm glad to know you have someone around for support.

Try to take it one day at a time and allow yourself to grieve. As long as your DC is clean, fed and loved that's all he/she needs for now.

It's way too raw right now, but it will get easier

[wineaholic27]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I have no advice other than lean on someone to help, try and rest where you can and keep eating/ drinking which I know is all easier said than done with a newborn.

I lost my nana at the end of January (who was like a mum to me after loosing my mum six years ago) and my little girl was four months old at the time and I found it so difficult, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and disappear for awhile. I asked my husband to take some time off and he looked after my little girl which allowed me to organise the funeral and take some time for myself.

It's so difficult but please reach out, your not alone. My inbox is always open if you want to talk. Sending hugs x

[LBTM]

I'm really sorry about your dad. Mine died out of the blue when my DS was 2 days old. I've got no advice I'm afraid, other than to try to be gentle with yourself. It will get easier but I know how tough it is

[Gertie75]

So sorry to hear about your Dad, there's nothing you can do to ease the pain so early on, my Dad died suddenly when my daughter was 7 days old from an undiagnosed aneurysm, like yours he was my best friend and we were so close.

It's been 8 years next week and although I still miss him incredibly it's more like waves now other than 24/7 and I can talk about him and think of happier times.

My main regret is how much time I spent crying for the first couple of years around my daughter, each feed I would be sat sobbing and each milestone was so hard to celebrate because my first thought was how much I wanted my Dad to share the excitement.

Be kind to yourself and make sure to ask for help if you feel like you're slipping into depression, it took me 4 years to get help and I so wish I'd done it sooner so that dd's first years weren't such a haze.

[EnglishRain]

Do what you can to get through the hours. Keep eating and drinking if you can and worry about the stretch of time right in front of you. Try writing down thoughts that upset you or get stuck in your head so you can get them out, even if it's just onto a sheet of paper so they have somewhere to go. Get yourself out for some fresh air even if you don't feel like it. Have you got anyone to talk to, friends or could you ask your HV if there is any support they could recommend?

Cruse have an online chat function and a phone line you can ring to speak to strained grief counsellor. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone outside of it all.

My brother died unexpectedly in January as my DD turned six months. These are the kinds of things I've been doing/were recommended to me.

[Bleggett]

I'm finding journalling is really useful--it helps you get some of your thoughts and feelings out rather than going round and round in circles, and it feels like being 'heard' but without having to worry about whether you've found the right person to speak to. Lots of therapists recommend it too!

[LoveFall]

I'm so sorry you lost your Father. I lost my parents a few years ago and I know the grief can be overwhelming. I found it hardest at night.

We all grieve differently. You have to allow yourself to grieve in your own way. Right now it is so fresh you may feel like you can't function properly. Get help from your partner and friends if you can. Try and leave the less important things to others. Don't worry about keeping your home as clean or cooking complicated meals. Go easy on yourself. Be gentle with yourself and don't expect too much.

The sense of loss will not go away, but you will learn to live with it. I also was very close to my Dad. We shared many things with each other and could talk on the phone for hours. I still miss him terribly, but the sense of despair is gone.

All the best.