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My husband died suddenly today- I couldn’t save him

(387 Posts)
Etotheipiplus1equals0 Wed 24-Feb-21 20:57:46

My 48 year old husband died this morning. We don’t know why but it was probably a massive heart attack. I found him face down wedged between furniture and making grunting noises. I called 999 but it took me ages to get him out and on his back as he is big and I am small. I did cpr and the paramedics worked on him for over an hour but there was no response. My poor kids witnessed a lot of this (9 and 6). I am lost. I keep imagining if I’d just got him out quicker and started cpr sooner he might still be alive. How do I stop picturing his face as he died? I miss him so much and the kids are so young. I’m just not sure I can get through it

OP’s posts: |
CinnabarRed Wed 24-Feb-21 20:58:48

I’m so very sorry for your loss.

pinkandblueflowers Wed 24-Feb-21 20:59:23

So sorry got your loss xx

Strictly1 Wed 24-Feb-21 21:00:13

I am so sorry. Please do not blame yourself - you did all you could x

Soontobeseller Wed 24-Feb-21 21:00:26

I am so so sorry OP. How utterly devastating for you all.

SergeiL Wed 24-Feb-21 21:00:28

I am so so sorry to hear what you are going through. What an awful shock. Sorry for you and your family’s loss. Do you have someone who can support you?

Dobbyafreeelf Wed 24-Feb-21 21:00:31

I'm so so sorry. Have you got some real life support?

TableFlowerss Wed 24-Feb-21 21:00:53

I’m so sorry for your loss. This is really heartbreaking. I hope you have a good support network around you.

Sending you love and you’ll be in my thoughts tonight flowers

NoEffingWay Wed 24-Feb-21 21:01:29

thanks so very sorry for your loss.

You did everything you possibly could and were with him when he passed. He would have felt your love and known you were with him.

Princessbanana Wed 24-Feb-21 21:01:36

💐 so sorry but if it was a massive heart attack it would be very hard to get someone back after that. I hope your children are ok? In time I would look into counselling for them and for yourself 💐

ShakespearesSisters Wed 24-Feb-21 21:01:47

Big hugs to you and your children. I can't imagine how you must all be feeling. X x

LookingGlassMilk Wed 24-Feb-21 21:02:45

I'm so so sorry

SunbathingDragon Wed 24-Feb-21 21:02:57

I am so so sorry. The odds of him surviving such a massive heart attack, especially outside of hospital, are very low. I hope you get reassuring confirmation of this from a doctor or pathologist to comfort you that you really couldn’t have saved him.

mistermagpie Wed 24-Feb-21 21:03:25

Oh god, I'm so very very sorry. You must be all over the place, thinking of you and your children.

Cherrysherbet Wed 24-Feb-21 21:03:38

I’m so very sorry for you and your children. That must have been a terrible shock.

PracticingPerson Wed 24-Feb-21 21:03:51

Oh how dreadful. I don't know how you will get through this but people do, so there must be a way. Sadly people who haven't been through it can't easily feel what you feel, but there are others who will have been somewhere similar to where you are, so there are people who can help. But it is very early and you must be terribly shocked.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband, I wish you and your children well flowers

Quit4me Wed 24-Feb-21 21:04:24

I’m so sorry. What an awful shock for you all. Don’t blame yourself, you did everything you could at the time. Couldn’t have done more.
You need close family and friends around you and time to process this.

FindingMeno Wed 24-Feb-21 21:04:31

You did everything you could.
I'm so sorry and I really hope you have people supporting you through this flowers

doodlejump1980 Wed 24-Feb-21 21:04:53

I’m so sorry. flowers

PlanDeRaccordement Wed 24-Feb-21 21:05:21

Very sorry for your sudden loss of your husband. Please don’t blame yourself. You did everything you could, but it was his time to go.

Iceskatingfan Wed 24-Feb-21 21:05:27

How completely awful for you and your kids. My brother in his 30s suddenly collapsed and died like this just before the pandemic and it was just so so awful and I wasn’t even there. There’s nothing anyone can really say to make this better but just look afternoon yourself and be kind to yourself right now. I’m sure you did your absolute best for him, it’s natural to have these what if thoughts right afterwards but sometimes people just can’t be saved despite best efforts and it’s not you right fault. I’m sure you’re still in shock. Do you have a family member or friend with you keeping you company right now and making sure you all get fed etc? This is no time to worry about COVID restrictions if that would help so please ask if you haven’t already. Some people find it helpful to have a short course of Valium or similar from the GP to get through the days in the immediate aftermath of this sort of shocking awful situation. Longer term CRUSE bereavement care are great in what they do and Winstons Wish/Child Bereavement UK are great acharities which can support the kids. WAY (Widowed and Young) can also be a great resource. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Pebbledashery Wed 24-Feb-21 21:05:37

So sorry for your loss Op xx

Moomin37 Wed 24-Feb-21 21:06:10

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a dreadful thing to happen blushthanks

Covidcorvid Wed 24-Feb-21 21:06:27

I’m so sorry. The stats for successful CPR in community is very low....I believe around 10%. And even lower for an event which isn’t witnessed from the initial point.

I hope you have some good support around you.

Moomin37 Wed 24-Feb-21 21:07:03

Argh sorry about the fat fingers - only meant to add the flowers at the end.

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