I lost my Dad four weeks ago. It wasn’t unexpected but still somewhat of a shock when we got the call. He had been in a care home for several years. I didn’t see him at all in 2020 due to the pandemic and this is something that will haunt me forever. We were close but have had zero contact for over a year apart from letters (which I’m not even sure were ever read out to him). He was immobile and unable to communicate. He had had enough. I can almost accept that he has gone as I feel so sad when I think about the “life” he led, but I can’t get my head around the fact that I’ll never see him again, nor that I hadn’t seen him for so long before he passed.
A couple of weeks before he died I took a video call with him organised by his carer. It was hard seeing him so poorly. An hour after we hung up he asked the carer to call me again, I swear he knew what was happening and he wanted to say goodbye as he tried to wave.
What I am really struggling with is the fact that I seem to have returned to “normal” life very easily. I am just getting on with work, family etc like nothing has happened. Yes I feel sad and might have a little cry when I think too hard about Dad or look at photos, but I am otherwise fine. Surely this is not normal? I feel like I should be crying all the time and unable to cope yet I feel ok. What is wrong with me? Surely I haven’t accepted his death already, it just doesn’t seem right?
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Bereavement
Not sure I’m grieving “correctly”
38 replies
mummarunner · 20/02/2021 22:10
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