How best to support someone through grief when grieving yourself

(2 Posts)
ScottishStottie Sat 16-Jan-21 11:09:47

Dp lost his mum last week. Very sudden, and she was only 53 so a shock to everyone. MIL had a long term partner, together 15+ years but not married. Dp gets on well with him, but he is not a father figure as dp was 15/16 when he came on the scene.

MIL's partner is obviously devastated, and is in the house on his own now. So dp and myself are trying to go round lots to keep him company.

However he is wanting to talk lots about mil, look at photos, spend hours listening to songs to choose one for funeral etc etc. Dp is not ready for this amd finds the constant effort of having to pretend hes ok exhausting.

How is best to support mils partner while still looking after dp? Mils partner has other family from his side that are looking after him, but i think he likes the connection with mil through us.

Its just hard as they are both entitled to their own process of grief but it just seems difficult to combine them. And it ends up as dp putting himself through lots of strain to support mils dp while he seems completely oblivious to how others might be coping or grieving themselves.

OP’s posts: |
ScottishStottie Sat 16-Jan-21 16:56:21

Just bumping this to see if anyone csn help. Dp and bil are currently round with mil's partner, to decide a photo for the funeral booklet. This is about the 8th tine theyve all had to meet to discuss this. Every time they decide something, mil's partner finds another one and wants to discuss all over again. Dp doesnt want to be businesslike about it as he doesnt want to seem cold.

It just seems totally loose loose, on top of his own grief thar hes trying to deal with.

OP’s posts: |

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